Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Four

> Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
> [email protected] (HarryLime) wrote
> in news:[email protected]:
> 
> 
>> NancyGene wrote:
>> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>> Bruce wrote:
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> DirtNap Dave:
>> 
>> Originally known as "Brother Dave," he acquired the name "DirtNap"
>> after Stinky George sent him to an early grave.
>> 
>> Stinky George was a friend of Will's who had recently been evicted
>> from the trailer he was renting.  Will Donkey solicited for
>> donations at A.A.P.C. and was sent $50 by one of the group's
>> members.
>> 
>> When the money arrived, rather than passing it on to Stinky
>> George, Will texted Stinky on his Obama phone and invited him out
>> to steak dinner, along with Brother Dave.  When Stinky found out
>> that the $50 had been intended for him, he flipped out and
>> attacked the Donkey Brothers with a metal rod.
>> 
>> Brother Dave (being smaller) received the worst of the assault,
>> having been repeatedly bashed in the head.
>> 
>> He never fully recovered, and died two years later.*
>> 
>> *There is some evidence, however, that Will Donkey may have
>> contributed to DirtNap Dave's demise, as Will (who was living off
>> of Dave's Disability check) would stick a lit cigarette in his
>> invalided brother's mouth every 15 minutes or so.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Another popular bit of folklore involving Brother Dave concerns
>> his funeral service.
>> 
>> Rather than go the traditional route, the Donkey family opted to
>> perform the ceremony themselves.
>> 
>> Brother Dave was cremated (hopefully at an actual crematorium) and
>> his ashes placed in an empty mayonnaise jar.  The Donkey clan then
>> gathered on a mountaintop, took turns speaking with a microphone
>> about Brother Dave, then tossed his ashes off into the wind.
>> 
>> According to the folklore Clay Dockery dropped the mayonnaise jar,
>> spilling the ashes all over the parking lot in the park where the
>> mountaintop was automobile accessible, and quickly scooped up a
>> jarful of dirt to take its place.
>> 
>> Ellen Horny filmed the event on her ever-present Obama-phone, and
>> Ducky Mallard captured the highlights via photographs, copies of
>> which he offered online for $10 a pop.
>> 
>> In what is perhaps the most interesting twist on the tale, Sarah
>> Donkeytits opened a GoFundMe account seeking donations for Brother
>> Dave's funeral.  Since the Donkeys performed the funeral services
>> themselves, one wonders what became of the money that she raised.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The following image depicts the late night attack on the Donkey
>> Brothers by a "blackout drunk" Stinky George.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Here's what Will Dockery wrote:
>> 
>> "A person [George Sulzbach] came up on me with a metal bar of some
>> kind, and smashed me on the back with it, connecting with my
>> elbow, sending sparks of pain through my arm. I turned and shoved
>> him, and he tumbled to the ground, then scuttled into the shadows.
>> 
>> "My Brother Dave came charging up at him with a rake, and the
>> maniac [George Sulzbach] jumped out of the shadows and clocked him
>> right in the forehead with that metal pipe.
>> 
>> "Bip, put a pretty good smash to his forehead, causing some
>> bleeding.
>> 
>> "The man [George Sulzbach] ran into his trailer and locked the
>> door, and, with daylight about an hour in the future, me and my
>> brother just left, to clean his wound and get some sleep..."
>> 
>> If one believes Will Donkey's eye-witness account, this piece of
>> folklore is based entirely on a real life event.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Sounds like yet another person that wanted the Donkey to take a
>> dirt nap.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> He does seem to have that effect on his friends.
>> 
>> 
>> Even Will Donkey's friends want to deep six him.
>> 
>> With good reason -- assuming that Will had taken the $50 Jim sent to
>> Stinky G and pretended that it had been given to himself.
>> 
> 
> 
> That's our Douchebag!
> 
> --
> "I've known for over a year that this guy is the assassin of the Usenet
> poetry community. When I first arrived, I thought he was keeping the
> lights on in a dead group by reposting from archives. I soon realized
> that he was just endlessly reposting his own stuff, that he had killed
> the group by flooding it, and that most of the people he called
> "trolls" were actually the members of the group.
> I've joined the crowd. I'm done trying to work with him and speak reason
> to him. It's exhausting and pointless." - Little Willie Douchebag gets
> another asskicking from The One True Melissa



Will Donkey is going to have to pick a lot of pockets to come up with his property taxes this year.  No $50 contribution from Jim either. 


This response appears in the discussion at:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=709192247#709192247

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