Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Four

> NancyGene wrote:
> 
>> Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
>> [email protected] (HarryLime) wrote
>> in news:[email protected]:
>> 
>> 
>>> NancyGene wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> Bruce wrote:
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> 
>>> HarryLime wrote:
>>> DirtNap Dave:
>>> 
>>> Originally known as "Brother Dave," he acquired the name "DirtNap"
>>> after Stinky George sent him to an early grave.
>>> 
>>> Stinky George was a friend of Will's who had recently been evicted
>>> from the trailer he was renting.  Will Donkey solicited for
>>> donations at A.A.P.C. and was sent $50 by one of the group's
>>> members.
>>> 
>>> When the money arrived, rather than passing it on to Stinky
>>> George, Will texted Stinky on his Obama phone and invited him out
>>> to steak dinner, along with Brother Dave.  When Stinky found out
>>> that the $50 had been intended for him, he flipped out and
>>> attacked the Donkey Brothers with a metal rod.
>>> 
>>> Brother Dave (being smaller) received the worst of the assault,
>>> having been repeatedly bashed in the head.
>>> 
>>> He never fully recovered, and died two years later.*
>>> 
>>> *There is some evidence, however, that Will Donkey may have
>>> contributed to DirtNap Dave's demise, as Will (who was living off
>>> of Dave's Disability check) would stick a lit cigarette in his
>>> invalided brother's mouth every 15 minutes or so.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Another popular bit of folklore involving Brother Dave concerns
>>> his funeral service.
>>> 
>>> Rather than go the traditional route, the Donkey family opted to
>>> perform the ceremony themselves.
>>> 
>>> Brother Dave was cremated (hopefully at an actual crematorium) and
>>> his ashes placed in an empty mayonnaise jar.  The Donkey clan then
>>> gathered on a mountaintop, took turns speaking with a microphone
>>> about Brother Dave, then tossed his ashes off into the wind.
>>> 
>>> According to the folklore Clay Dockery dropped the mayonnaise jar,
>>> spilling the ashes all over the parking lot in the park where the
>>> mountaintop was automobile accessible, and quickly scooped up a
>>> jarful of dirt to take its place.
>>> 
>>> Ellen Horny filmed the event on her ever-present Obama-phone, and
>>> Ducky Mallard captured the highlights via photographs, copies of
>>> which he offered online for $10 a pop.
>>> 
>>> In what is perhaps the most interesting twist on the tale, Sarah
>>> Donkeytits opened a GoFundMe account seeking donations for Brother
>>> Dave's funeral.  Since the Donkeys performed the funeral services
>>> themselves, one wonders what became of the money that she raised.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> The following image depicts the late night attack on the Donkey
>>> Brothers by a "blackout drunk" Stinky George.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Here's what Will Dockery wrote:
>>> 
>>> "A person [George Sulzbach] came up on me with a metal bar of some
>>> kind, and smashed me on the back with it, connecting with my
>>> elbow, sending sparks of pain through my arm. I turned and shoved
>>> him, and he tumbled to the ground, then scuttled into the shadows.
>>> 
>>> "My Brother Dave came charging up at him with a rake, and the
>>> maniac [George Sulzbach] jumped out of the shadows and clocked him
>>> right in the forehead with that metal pipe.
>>> 
>>> "Bip, put a pretty good smash to his forehead, causing some
>>> bleeding.
>>> 
>>> "The man [George Sulzbach] ran into his trailer and locked the
>>> door, and, with daylight about an hour in the future, me and my
>>> brother just left, to clean his wound and get some sleep..."
>>> 
>>> If one believes Will Donkey's eye-witness account, this piece of
>>> folklore is based entirely on a real life event.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Sounds like yet another person that wanted the Donkey to take a
>>> dirt nap.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> He does seem to have that effect on his friends.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Even Will Donkey's friends want to deep six him.
>>> 
>>> With good reason -- assuming that Will had taken the $50 Jim sent to
>>> Stinky G and pretended that it had been given to himself.
>>> 
>> 
>> 
>> That's our Douchebag!
>> 
>> --
>> "I've known for over a year that this guy is the assassin of the Usenet
>> poetry community. When I first arrived, I thought he was keeping the
>> lights on in a dead group by reposting from archives. I soon realized
>> that he was just endlessly reposting his own stuff, that he had killed
>> the group by flooding it, and that most of the people he called
>> "trolls" were actually the members of the group.
>> I've joined the crowd. I'm done trying to work with him and speak reason
>> to him. It's exhausting and pointless." - Little Willie Douchebag gets
>> another asskicking from The One True Melissa
> 
> 
> Will Donkey is going to have to pick a lot of pockets to come up with his property taxes this year.  No $50 contribution from Jim either.




And having been barred from LeGents, he won't be able to steal any tips. 


This response appears in the discussion at:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=709192247#709192247

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