LNH: System Corruptors #40: "Damnatio Memoriae"

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8D                              SYSTEM CORRUPTORS                            D8
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Issue #40: "Damnatio Memoriae"                                   By Drew Nilium
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May 1st, 2020.

Mistake looked out the window of the flight.thingee as it flew over the
App.alachian Highlands of West VR.ginia, and tapped a pen on her clipboard
thoughtfully.

Sitting behind her were Continuity Porn Star and Polybag Person, late of the
East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains, and Demented Designer, late of the West
Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains. Sitting next to her was Crossplay King, also
previously of the West Coasters. The Android Barbarian, late of the Midwest
Brotherhood of Net.Villains, was flying the craft.

She had chosen the East and West Coasters because they were some of the ones
who held the least grudges and were the easiest to work with; the mission of
reclaiming the East Coast Brotherhood's base for the new team required people
who weren't going to get any smart ideas about avenging Mister Homage or taking
the place for themselves.

But the mission wasn't what she was thinking about; it was the new Brotherhood,
or rather, the new Something Else. Surprisingly, the idea of renaming the team
had been more popular than not, and so she was using Crossplay King as a
sounding board for new names.

She looked over the list of possibilities, tuning out the sound of the other
three non-pilots playing Sushi Go. "The Association of Net.Villains?"

"Too generic, and vaguely corporate." CK was surprisingly grounded, and Mistake
wondered how she put up with OTP, her long-time partner-in-crime. Opposites
attract, she guessed.

"Yeah, corporate villainy is out. The Fellowship of Net.Villains?"

"Makes us sound like hobbits."

"Heh. The... Sodality of Net.Villains?"

"What?"

Mistake sighed. "It's another word for a brotherhood, but, like... well, never
mind." She felt the flight.thingee begin to shed altitude. "Android Barbarian,
do we have an isolated spot for landing?"

"Here's a couple of acres!" he called back.

"Okay," she said, "let me know when we're almost there."

"See you at the party."

====

The lights in the abandoned shopping mall hummed away. Mistake wondered if
there was a generator, or if they'd just hacked the grid. There was plenty of
time to find out after they secured the primary asset of the base - EraserHead,
a powerful being from another dimension who had been locked away ever since
Anti-Christ Lad had taken over Mister Homage's body.

No one knew how Mister Homage had found and tamed the beast; it was rumored
that it had erased all traces of their first meeting, and all evidence of how
Homage came to lead the Brotherhood. But it had its own will, and could be
communicated with; the Crime Empress had figured out how, and used its
information against Anti-Christ Lad.

Knowing this, Mistake had brought along the Android Barbarian, whose high-level
subroutines for understanding his enemy's thoughts might be able to crack
EraserHead's code, letting her recruit it into the new Brotherhood. Or the new
whatever. The Whatever of Net.Villains? No, that'd be stepping on the toes of
LNH20...

She shook her head. "Continuity Porn Star," she called out. "What do we know
about this place?"

Continuity Porn Star had tattoos all over his body that showed the details of
every LNH story ever told, as well as every other story that had been posted to
RACC. He removed one of his gloves, looking at the back of his hand, and
frowned, watching the ink slide over his skin...

"...you okay there?"

"Oh! Yeah. Sorry." She wondered if he'd seen a story that took place later in
the timeline. Rumor had it that he was a renegade Knight of Continuity, but
even a renegade knew the price of meddling with time. "We held meetings of the
East Coast Brotherhood in the Hot Topic. EraserHead is chained up in the Orange
Julius. Romantic Innuendo hid some secrets in the Victoria's Secret. I think
that's everything, that's actually been written down, but if you want, I'll
slip off, strip, and double-check."

Mistake shook her head. "That's fine. Polybag Person, let's check to make sure
there aren't any security systems lying in wait."

"Okie-dokie, boss." He held out his arms, and an enormous sheet of clear
plastic unfurled in front of him. Walking forward carefully, he let it lead the
way, brushing over the floor of the mall, the walls, the doors of the abandoned
shops, and the skylight high above. Mistake figured it would be enough to set
  off anything automated, at least.

Walking behind the flowing, shifting sheet of plastic, they arrived in the food
court. "Do you think we have time to pick up something from Sbarro?" asked
Demented Designer.

Crossplay King narrowed her eyes. "No... because the lights are on in the
Orange Julius!" She zoomed across the floor and vaulted over the counter, her
Makkaroni costume giving her super-speed.

Mistake was right after, the others following thru the unlocked employee
entrance, and she got inside in time to hear CK exclaim "Oh, not you *again*!"

She had someone pinned up against the wall-- "Oh, for Pete's sake." It was
Mister Homage, in his stupid clunky armor. Standing next to him was a man
wearing a cowboy hat and a T-shirt that read 'Will Have Sex For Beer!'

"Unhand me, woman!" Mister Homage strained, but couldn't break her grip.

"Oh, hi, boss!" said Polybag Person, waving. "...er, ex-boss!" he added, with a
guilty sideways glance at Mistake. She couldn't be mad, he was like a puppy.

"Oh," said Continuity Porn Star, pointing at the cowboy-hatted man, "that's
Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law!"

"...wait a minute." Mistake looked closer at him. "*Lawrence*?" she boggled.
"What are *you* doing here?!"

"Oh, uh, hi, Mistake." Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law gave a big corny smile
that absolutely failed to cover his awkwardness at the meeting. "Well, ever
since Donna kicked me out, lackeying with Mister Homage has looked like a
pretty good idea..."

Mistake rubbed her face, squared her shoulders, and walked past them, into the
kitchen, where she saw...

Well, it was hard to say. EraserHead was a Net.Elemental of Deletion, and its
very presence exuded an antimemetic energy that unmade observation. But it was
asleep, so it seemed, and only a dim aura of erasure leaked out from underneath
the eyelids it might have had. It was humanoid, Mistake could tell; larger and
bulkier than any baseline human, but not the kaiju-sized thing that had
attacked Net.ropolis back in the day. And it was chained, not just by steel but
by some powerful magic of Anti-Christ Lad's.

The Android Barbarian stepped forward, scanning the unbeast. "Move data for
VTOC and catalog to auxmem B000-B3FF..." he murmured. It looked like, despite
the interruption, this was going to go off without a--

She immediately tried to suppress the rest of the thought, but it was too late,
she'd tempted fate. There was a shout from behind her and Mister Homage ran
into the kitchen, armor suddenly covered in spikes, wielding a technomystical
remote control. "Ha-ha!" he said, hitting the big red button. "Now, my servant!
Arise!"

EraserHead shifted, its eyes probably opening, and instantly, the details
around it washed out. It roared dully, shifting, and the chains that had bound
it were instantly erased from existence.

Crossplay King ran in, hands and chest cut and bleeding. "I couldn't hold him!"

"Okay, time for the contingency plan!" shouted Mistake.

"Costume Change!" Demented Designer extended his Fashion Failure Field around
Crossplay King. They'd practiced this a few times, but it didn't always come
out with anything useful - but that didn't mean it wasn't worth trying.

Crossplay King's clothes warped and shifted, and came out as some kind of weird,
garish combination of You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough-Lad and Cannon Fodder.
Her wounds closed up, the outfit giving her, at the very least, some kind of
regenerative ability.

"Good enough," she grunted, and readied herself for another charge - but the
Android Barbarian held out a hand. Had he calculated the way to get Eraserhead
on their side?

The Android Barbarian leaned forward, held out his hand... made a little
beckoning noise. "C'mere, boy! C'mon!"

Mistake blinked. Oh, boy, did he have a loose motherboard?

But EraserHead turned, the vague shape of its body language seeming to show
curiosity. Hey, if it works, it works, Mistake thought.

Mister Homage watched in confusion, and then in anger. "No, beast! Remember
your loyalty!"

EraserHead turned back the other way, and let out a soft (relatively), winsome
roar.

Mistake prodded Polybag Person with her elbow and spoke up. "C'mon! That's a
good boy!"

After a moment, Crossplay King joined in. "You're a good deletion-thing, yes
you are!" The others got the hint and started shouting encouragement to
EraserHead.

Mister Homage scowled and grabbed Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law. "Help me!"
he hissed, then addressed EraserHead in as confident a voice as he could.
"Attend me, servant! I have bacon in one of my pouches, probably!"

"Come on, Erasey!" called Demented Designer. "We've got plenty of things for
you to wipe out of existence!"

"Uhhhh... C'mon, boy, I've got... I think my Usenetflix password still works?"
said Color Error Man's Brother-in-Law. "If Donna hasn't changed it yet?"

EraserHead looked left and right, seeming confused but not hostile. Was it
Mistake's imagination? No, it was definitely turning towards her group, just a
little more and--

vrrrvrrrvrrrvrrKRATHOOM!!

A flash of light, a thunderous noise, and a shockwave that knocked them all to
the ground - all but EraserHead!

Dust drifted down from a big hole in the ceiling. The Gymboree above them had
been utterly destroyed, and descending thru the wreckage was an armored form,
shining in the sunlight streaming thru the hole.

Mistake pushed herself off the floor, eyes flicking around. All of her team
were stirring; Mister Homage was still, and his lackey was cowering in the
corner.

The armored figure came down next to EraserHead, landing gently with the
slightest of noises, his back to all but EraserHead. "Good meeting, my cosmic
peer."

"It's the Crossover Queen's number one," whispered Continuity Porn Star,
staring up from the floor. "The Ultimate Hero..."

EraserHead let out a bone-shaking growl and fired its eyebeams directly at the
Ultimate Hero...

...who blocked them with a single hand. "Calm yourself, friend. I am like you."
He took his helmet in his hands, pulled it off, and underneath...

His face... was many faces, masculine, feminine, human, elf, dragon, cyborg,
kind, cruel, mischievous, grieving, in all sorts of colors and configurations,
a shifting kaleidoscope of possibilities.

The Android Barbarian tried to scan him, tried to understand. "erROr," he said,
twitching.

EraserHead grunted and snarled, but didn't fire off any more eyebeams, nor did
he try to physically attack. Maybe he was confused; right now, Mistake could
relate.

"We are special beings, who belong on a higher plane than criminals and cowards,
fighting grander battles. I serve the Crossover Queen in battles for the very
fate of the Internet, and I cannot imagine a worthier cause."

Some of the hostility seemed to dissolve from EraserHead's body language. It
looked over at Mister Homage, let out a low, interrogative grunt.

"I know," said the Ultimate Hero. "You feel a debt to him. But it has long been
repaid, has it not?"

EraserHead shifted, quiet now, looking around at the net.villains, then back to
the Ultimate Hero.

"Come and be what you were meant to be," he said, reaching out his hand. "Come
and be the Pure Nothingness Hero."

"No!" Mistake found herself standing up, legs shaking. She couldn't just let
anyone take someone who was hers. Even a monster. Especially a monster. "You
want it to fight grand battles. I want to bring it home." Calculated guess time.
"Like the one it used to have."

EraserHead turned towards her, and the details of the room decreased; its eyes
were wide, looking at her.

And for the first time, the Ultimate Hero turned to face her. Oh, that was
satisfying. "A home, among villains? A cosmic being such as this deserves
better!"

Mistake rested her hand on a dented countertop, straightening up. "It's cosmic,
and I don't know what it's experienced in other worlds, other planes of
existence. But I know that in *this* world, all its teammates have been
villains. All its *friends* have been villains. Everyone who's been kind to it,
who's stood by it, who's shown it love, has been a villain." She looked him in
those shifting eyes. "You say it's worthy of you. But is a Hero worthy of it?"

He gave a haughty laugh. "Fool. If this is true, then you've been dragging it
down to your level, never rising up to its truth. Friends, love-- these are
things base criminals know nothing of."

EraserHead growled, and it was dangerous; antimemetic energy spread towards the
Ultimate Hero.

He took a step back. "It's true, though! Come, I shall prove it to you!" He
held out his hand, and an impossibly large sword appeared in it. He hefted it
in the air easily, and pointed it at Mistake. "See how easily such an uprising
falls!" The Ultimate Hero raised his blade in the air, ready to slash down--

And the blade was gone, EraserHead erasing it in an instant! It turned on the
Ultimate Hero, unleashing the full force of its eyebeams!

"What--" The Ultimate Hero held up both hands, blocking their deleting force,
but he was sweating now, like he hadn't been before. "No! No, listen to me!
You don't belong with them, *listen*--"

EraserHead's roar downed out his words. The light of its body grew, and grew,
impossibly bright, the noise of his roar fading, all senses overwhelmed--

Mistake blinked and shook her head, arms up in a defensive position. When she
could see again... Most of the kitchen was gone, a perfectly spherical crater,
tho the people around her were untouched. It was quiet. Light was streaming
down, and somewhere above, a bird was singing. And of the monster and the hero,
there was no sign.

She let her arms fall, and she sagged, staring into the crater for a minute.

Crossplay King rose to her feet, surveyed the room. "Well," she said. "What
now?"

For another minute, Mistake was quiet. Then she said, in a voice filled with
determination, rimmed with anger, and underlined with weariness, "I know who we
are now."

"The Uprising of Net.Villains."

====

Drew "let your freak flag fly" Nilium