Loving yourself vs. loving another

My former wife Melanie told me once that she wanted me to love myself in th=
e same way as I loved her. At first I thought this the wrong course of acti=
on. Loving yourself came across to me as being masturbatory. In fact there =
appears to be a solid logic behind this.

When you like someone, you want other people to like them as well. That is =
especially the case with themselves. And in loving himself, he is honoring =
your love.

I had a girlfriend who kept denigrating herself. I hated it. The reason I h=
ated it was that I liked her, and her attacks on herself were experienced b=
y me as an attack on someone I liked. If you love someone, you don=E2=80=99=
t want anyone to be attacking them. And that also means themselves.

Now there are people who claim that loving yourself is a prerequisite for l=
oving another. Instead it often works the other way around. You love the ot=
her person for traits that you find lovable. Seeing these traits expressed =
successfully by another person, you know what you need to work in within yo=
urself in order to be lovable in your own eyes. I have learned massive thin=
gs from women I=E2=80=99ve loved, and I like myself a lot better than I did=
 when I started.

Loving yourself is thus honoring the love of the other person. When you lov=
e someone you want everyone to be good to them, including themselves. That =
being done, good relationships can blossom.

Love yourself as part of loving another and in so doing honor their love.