The Golden State

Babylon Bee - America's Newspaper of Record: Top 10 Reasons To Move To 
California

With the population of California diminishing of late, we at The Babylon 
Bee are here to help turn the tide. Here are just ten of the many great 
reasons why you should turn that U-Haul around and head to the Golden State:

Free smoke: Every year, the state burns down entire forests to provide 
citizens with free smoke. Neat!

Overcome your attachment to material goods: It's easy when the 
government takes all your income.

Thar's gold in them thar hills!: That's why it's called the Golden State.

Amazing restaurants like the French Laundry: Peasants like you can't eat 
there, but it's cool knowing it's there.

Incredible high-speed rail system: Coming summer of 2096.

Hobo Steve: He's the nicest hobo you'll ever meet. Aw, Steve.

Rice-a-roni, the San Francisco treat: Mm-mm. Delicious.

Kids be learning how to talk that good English: No other school system 
in the country be teaching kids like this.

Thousands of hospices to choose from: All within a one-mile radius. 
Incredible.

Beautiful views of the stars during grid blackouts: Unless there's the 
free smoke.

What more could you want? Pack your bags and head out west, folks.