darwin awards

with projects running around sporting darwin-inspired names,
what better than to take solace in the darwin awards?
here is the 2002 edition.



The awards this year are classic.  These awards are given each year to
bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from
the human gene pool.


5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he
hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a foam pad.  The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at
Central Mammoth Hospital.  The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
County Sheriff's department said.  Hubal and his friends apparently had
hiked a
ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers, said Lt.  like Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.  The
pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers.  The group apparently
used
the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower.  It has
since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its
pad removed.


4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St.  Louis market.  When the clerk threatened to call
the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked
out without paying.  Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked
him to death.


3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.


2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who
used the.22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)popped a blasting
cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
lips, teeth, and tongue.  Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the
blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl.  M.D.
Payne.  "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was
trying to
explode it.""It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set
it off."
He put it into his mouth and bit down.  Payne said.  Stromyer was listed in
guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division.  "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.


1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
will be released soon from the hospital.  Tony Roberts, 25,lost his right
eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grant's Pass, Oregon.  A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,
but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.  Doctors said that had the arrow
gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and
Roberts would have died instantly.  Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow managed
to miss all major blood vessels.  Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried
to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon.

Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed,
but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation
stunt is under investigation.


Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER.  (The late) John Pernicky and his friend,(the
late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend
a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater.  Having no
tickets(but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be
easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence andsneak into the show.  They
pulled their pickup truck over to the fence.  The plan was for Mr.
Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.  Hawkins, to hop the fence and
then
assist his friend over.  Unfortunately for(the late) Mr.  Pernicky, there
was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.  Having heaved himself
over, he found himself crashing through a tree.  His fall was abruptly
halted and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by
his
shorts.  Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him.  Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall,
he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself from the tree.  Finally free, Mr.  Pernicky crashed into holly
bushes.  The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the
protection of
his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.  To make matters worse, on
landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.  Mr.  Hawkins, seeing his
friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull
him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and
crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.  Police
arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the
truck
and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries.  Upon moving the
truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly
stick in
his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree
branch 25-feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win...