I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The 
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion 
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the 
craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your 
kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says
"I've lost my electron." The other says  "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root 
canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing 
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about 
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 
  "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to 
a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in 
Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years  later, Juan sends a picture of  himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she 
also had
a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up 
a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist 
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good 
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the 
friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the 
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh 
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they 
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,

--- thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which 
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very 
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered 
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to 
friends, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.