GRE stepping up to bat

As I have been avoiding getting my Master's Degree for some time now, 
now that the GRE situation with Dvorak has come to my attention, "Now 
is the time."  The following is a letter that I sent to ETS.

"I am trying to use and following a request by concerned individuals 
to get the Dvorak keyboard available to us as an alternative keyboard 
during your stardardized tests in particular the GRE.  I am not sure 
if you are aware that the Dvorak is an approved American National 
Standards Institute alternative keyboard.  
 
My query is this.  As I and others do not wish to ruin our hands 
using the QWERTY keyboard, what arrangements must we make to take our 
test on the Dvorak?  And how long in advance must we make them?  As 
an approved alternative there must be some accomodation that you have 
to make.  Although I am not as yet certain what accomodations you are 
REQUIRED to make, rest assured that we are looking into legal and 
legislative remedies to address our concerns.  I understand that your 
official position is that people who plan on taking the GRE regress 
into using a QWERTY keyboard.  In my case that is "not acceptable" I 
have been typing on a Dvorak for more than 30 years and the mere 
suggestion that I relearn to use a QWERTY is reprehensible and 
demeaning to my character.  I'd even argue that it was libelous, 
slanderous, and defamation of character.  As I can document I took a 
voluntary F in public school typing just to avoid the travesty that 
is QWERTY.  I WILL NOT take the test on a QWERTY.     
 
At the very least, I suggest that you take a look at the American's 
with Disabilities Act that compels accomodation for all those with 
disabilities and for example one handed typists are best served with 
a Dvorak keyboard for their disability.  The same will be argued for 
those of us who suffer from diagnosed and undiagnosed "mental 
illnesses" such as Grandeous Ideology, Schizophernia, Manias and 
Phobias of all kinds whose condition is exacebated when confronted 
with incompetence, negligence, and tortious interfernce.  Personally 
I am officailly diagnosed with "Megalomania."  Of all the many 
diagnoses that I have recieved, this one I totally agree with and am 
prepared to, have been and am acting out now.  Again, please let me 
know just what I have to do to take my GRE on a standard Dvorak 
Keyboard."