Re: Sticking point

Hi Ron,

> "We can't do that" is not convincing, it is not proof, and from the
> outside it is indistinguishable from "we don't want to do that" or
> "we aren't listening to you".

Sometimes "we can't do that" means one of those things.  I like to
take it at face value, at least at first.  My trouble is that it can
mean one of (at least) two things:  "something prevents us from X" or
"we expect something bad to happen if we do X, so we choose not to do
X."  And I often can't tell from the context which meaning the speaker
intends.

So I try to find out which meaning.  Then, being nosy, I probe.  If
the meaning is "something prevents us," I ask what prevents us.  If
the meaning is "something bad will happen," I ask what bad things will
happen.  Many times, that leads to a productive conversation.

Dale



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