Re: Re: Sticking point
Ron Jeffries <[email protected]>
| Newsgroups | gmane.comp.programming.extreme-customering |
|---|---|
| Organization | XProgramming.com |
| Message-ID | <[email protected]> |
On Thursday, December 12, 2002, at 1:25:38 AM, Dale Emery <[email protected]> wrote: >> "We can't do that" is not convincing, it is not proof, and from the >> outside it is indistinguishable from "we don't want to do that" or >> "we aren't listening to you". > Sometimes "we can't do that" means one of those things. I like to > take it at face value, at least at first. My trouble is that it can > mean one of (at least) two things: "something prevents us from X" or > "we expect something bad to happen if we do X, so we choose not to do > X." And I often can't tell from the context which meaning the speaker > intends. > So I try to find out which meaning. Then, being nosy, I probe. If > the meaning is "something prevents us," I ask what prevents us. If > the meaning is "something bad will happen," I ask what bad things will > happen. Many times, that leads to a productive conversation. Yes, those are good things to do. And, when in a communication-oriented forum such as this one, I think it's a good thing for all speakers to remember that when they say something like "we can't do that", they'd do better to answer your questions above. "We can't do that" is just as unfounded to the hearer as "you should do that". My point is that it cuts both ways. My job isn't to communicate in CxO format and the CxO's job to tell me how to communicate. OUR jobs are to both work as hard as we can to find ways to understand each other. "Don't talk that way to me" does not appear to me to be an invitation to understanding. "Don't talk that way to this other guy" ... well, that's not even on the chart. Ron Jeffries www.XProgramming.com First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. - Gandhi ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~--> Get 128 Bit SSL Encryption! http://us.click.yahoo.com/CBxunD/vN2EAA/xGHJAA/NhFolB/TM ---------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: extremecustomering-unsubscribe-hHKSG33TihhbjbujkaE4pw@public.gmane.org Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/