Completely new to Agile Dev principles, and it sure feels like I'm in over my head right now...

Hi, Scott here.  I work remotely (strike 1 against Agile Dev) as a newly christened Project Manager for a software company that uses a combination of onsite and offshore assets (strike 2) in their workflow as a matter of process.
 

 The project I was handed as my first effort in this role is an enormous (strike 3) database migration, where the client insisted we employ Agile Dev principles because they wanted tangible deliverables to be delivered regularly (which would be reasonable if not for the scope of the project).  
 

 I knew, when I saw the scope of this project, that Agile was not going to work, so I've been doing my best to adapt at least some of the principles to improve workflow and engagement.

 

 So now I'm neck-deep in it, and I'm taking fire from all directions.  Trying to teach the offshore team about Agile principles and my need for them to be creatively involved in the project instead of just waiting for me to tell them exactly what to do and how to do it is an exercise in futility thanks to language and culture barriers.  Even the client side is driving me nuts.  The communication is so poor, my primary contact on the client side is telling me that my burndown chart tells him that my team is falling behind because the actual tickets remaining line is below the projected line (!!!!!)
 

 I'm at my wit's end here.  Advise would be great.  And yes, I know, send out resumes is good advice, but that's really not an option at this point.  I have to figure out how to keep this whole thing from crashing and burning.