RE: Edit/Approval - Big Agnes Juel Vest - Kathy Waters

Richard,

 

Made the corrections, deleted the test file and uploaded.  Thanks again for all your hard work and sorry for the poor proof-reading.  This vest is really great!  Wore it almost everyday last week in Glen Canyon!

 

Kathy

 

From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] 
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2016 2:54 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [BackpackGearTest] Edit/Approval - Big Agnes Juel Vest - Kathy Waters

 






Kathy,

 

Edits in the usual EDIT/Edit/Comment format below. After revising upload to http://tinyurl.com/zm7zdkr

 

Cheers, Richard

 

___________

### Measured Weight: 6 oz (170 g) ###
Edit: 6.0 oz [To avoid a suggestion that you rounded off – your listed weight is to a tenth of an ounce.]

 

### First off, was 10 days in the northern part of the Lower Michigan peninsula during a Thanksgiving Day trip in late November.###

EDIT: This is confusing, as "10 days" can't occur during a "Day trip." "following a Thanksgiving Day trip" or "a ten-day trip around Thanksgiving" or "during a November trip." The last is preferable as our Canadian and Australian readers have different Thanksgiving Days. 

 

### We had lots of sunshine, little precipitation and for the most part, the temperatures were above normal. ###
Edit: The comma is unnecessary.

 

### The Juel Vest is a contoured women's vest with chevron baffling and princess seams that follow the shape of my body but doesn't fit too tightly. ###

EDIT: but the vest [not the princess seams] doesn't fit too tightly

 

### The Medium fits me just as it should. The vest's hem "hits" me just about mid-derriere, about 25 inches (64 cm) from top to bottom.###
EDIT: Please measure and use an exact figure, indicating whether you measured from hem to top or bottom of the collar.

 

### I particularly grew fond of the three inch (8 cm) stand-up collar ###
Edit: three-inch [with a hyphen]

 

### The two outside front pockets are very roomy. ###
EDIT/Edit: If you can you should measure them.

 

### They are easily large can accommodate my cellphone, a small digital camera (Canon PowerShot A520), my mid-weight winter gloves, a lip balm and even an energy bar! ###
EDIT: There's a garble at the beginning. "They can accommodate" or "They are large enough to accommodate."

 

### Overflow items can be stashed in the inside zippered chest pocket – also good-sized (actually huge) - and two interior front open-top mesh pouches. ###

EDIT/Edit: If you can (and you usually can measure chest pockets), do so.

 

### I rarely used the interior chest pocket because it felt (and looked awkward when anything thicker than some tissues were stored there, but I did mesh pockets for my cell phone and camera IF I wasn't wearing a backpack.###
EDIT: Either close the parenthesis after "looked" or delete the opening parenthesis before "and."

EDIT: but I did use mesh pockets

 

### I know that carrying battery-operated electronics in cold weather closer to body warmth helps with battery life. ###

Edit: Consider moving "closer to body warmth" to immediately before "in cold weather." What my high school teacher called a dangling modifier.

 

### I have yet to (knocking on wood) snag the fabric, pull out stitches or - quelle horreurs - torn the vest. 

Edit: Move "to" to after the parenthetical. Avoid splitting the infinitive.

Edit: Foreign phrases should be in italics.