Re: Re: Introductions

> > Why did he go against his beliefs? He talked about his desire for
integrity
> > in a way that convinced me (still does) for 30 minutes. He still went
> > against them, though.
>
> I don't see how he went against his beliefs, in the story you tell. He may
> have gone against his stated beliefs, but perhaps those are not his real
> beliefs.

Well, he said he believed pursuing her was wrong, then he did. That's simply
why I say he went against them.

What this reveals to me, as I've seen and continue to see in myself, is that
he's a hypocrite :) He has conflicting beliefs. I never like to admit to
myself that I have inconsistent beliefs, but it sure as heck explains a lot.

> When I was much younger, I used to have a lot of trouble reconciling my
> apparent beliefs and my impulses. It took some years, but most of those
> are worked out, now. Now I have beliefs that honor my impulses, instead of
> rejecting them. I found that my old beliefs weren't helping much.

Interesting - would it be correct to say then that you believe that all of
your impulses are correct? That you don't have unhealthy impulses? That
doesn't sound like what you wrote, so I guess I'm just confused.

It also flips my way of viewing things on its head. I believe that my
impulses are a result of my beliefs - so your statement comes off weird in
my framework. Hmmm

> Sounds
> like your friend is confused, that way, too. It will pass.

It might pass. Or he just might move on, not resolving his conflicting
beliefs, not acknowledging that he even has conflicting beliefs and just set
himself up for another failure of the same kind in his next relationship.

> If the girl he was pursuing was weirded out by what he said, I doubt that
> has much to do with rules of office romances. I suspect its because she
> doesn't like him, or if she does, perhaps she is confused about rules
> versus impulses, too. Anyway, he got his answer, and he should move on,
> without blaming himself.

I disagree. He disobeyed God and his employer, two entities he had prior
commitments to. He should blame himself, take responsibility for his
actions, dust himself off and get back in the game.

He had plenty of normal, healthy options to pursue a relationship with this
girl *and* keep his existing commitments -- it's not that pursuit in general
was wrong, it's just that he was going against his word to try and get what
he wanted now. But doing what he did risked *all* three relationships (God,
employer, girl) -- not very wise. (That statement's a bit over the top, but
I think it's essentially what I'm going for...)

> Before I found my mate, I had a string of awkward situations with women
> who in retrospect weren't right for me. I'm so glad, looking back, that
> they were weirded out. Otherwise I wouldn't be married to my wife, Lenore.

Same here :) (Except, I'm glad I married *my* wife, of course)

> It may be that your friends impulses are what should not be resisted, and
> he *should* resist the idea of holding back.

This seems to hint at my impulses being my guide, and I don't agree with
that if that's what you're indicating. I think my impulses/feelings should
be my guide into discovering where I am, but there's just not enough
information in an impulse/emotion to help tell me where I need to be. To
frame it in computer terms, the impulse is just feedback, just a passing or
failing test -- it's not the specification, the story, the task, or even the
test itself, telling me where I need to be.

Or another way - my emotions (impulses) tell me what I believe, but do
nothing to judge the correctness of that belief as being morally right or
wrong.

Chris
tech: http://clabs.org/blog
arts/faith: http://cministries.org/blog


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