Kids & "lying" (formerly Re: Introductions)

--- In [email protected], "Chris Morris"
<chrismo@c...> wrote:

> I like the way you put that. I was sort of thinking the same thing when
> writing my reply to Ron, but didn't really make this point. But I
really do
> agree -- this is one of the challenges I face with my 5 and 6 year old
> boys -- they say things that are outright lies, but many times I
just think
> they aren't able to be entirely clear.

I like the way this conversation is going. And it reminds my of when
my youngest son was 3-5 years old. The two older children and their
father would play a game called Bear, which mostly consisted of Dad
crawling around on his knees, roaring and "swatting" while the kids
climbed all over him and showed how brave they were in confronting
this bear. In observing the play, I could usually notice the moment at
which for my youngest, Willem, (a child blessed with an amazing
imagination) Dad ceased to be his friendly father and actually BECAME
a pretty scary bear in Willem's reality. His voice changed from
cheerful laughter to nervous agitated laughter, his facial expression
shifted from open and secure to pinched and anxious, etc. It took a
while before I understand this shift in reality. The veil between
reality (my world view) and fantasy was very thin for him and easily
pierced. 

I think we adults largely have forgotten the days when imagined things
became real. We throw around words like archetype and forget how close
those intuitions/instincts/understanding are in our psyches. Children
have not developed the convenient categories like truth and lies into
which things/actions can be sorted. 

It's our job to help them integrate (not forget as many of us were
encouraged to do) these worlds and learn to interact in a community of
shared views. Punishment does not seem to be an outstanding success at
this. 

Diana

Diana Larsen
Industrial Logic & FutureWorks Consulting, LLC
www.industriallogic.com
www.futureworksconsulting.com

"Asking the proper question is the central act of transformation."
Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Upcoming Tutorials: XP2003, Agile Development Conference 2003,
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