Re: Introductions

David.Flowers wrote:

> Regarding emotional responses and resistance.  There is a school of
thought that suggests there are very few "new" emotional experiences
for people over the age of about 12 (6 really).... the theory goes
that both normal and stressful situations evoke (usually unconscious)
emotional memories  of similar situations that happened to us as
children and these (again, usually unconscious) emotional memories
have a lot to do with how we perceive, react, resist, embrace the
moment.  

These are the same foundations as the Satir school -- based on Family
of Origin (FOO) patterns.  Jerry Weinberg, Jean McLendon and many
others have built upon these foundations.
>  
> Based on this (albeit brief) premise, I'd argue that emotional
response and resistance doesn't "just happen".  Granted, it is very
real and experienced in the current moment but given that it's root is
in a persons past experience, has little to do with rationally or
humanly addressing the present.....the here and now.  Chris makes a
valuable point that one is well served to identify their current
emotion and notice how it constrains their ability to perform well in
the present moment but I think allowing resistant people to get off
the hook by saying "this is just how I am" or "this is just how I
feel" is surrendering to something that happened to them when they
were children and is re-asserting itself into the present moment. This
dynamic interference with current time situations (it is my
experience) lends a surreal and irrational component that  confuses
and makes one forget present truths. 

I agree that I am well served by noticing my own emotional reaction
and understand (when I can) what information those feelings are
providing to me about myself and the situation at hand.  And I've
taken to talking about the reactions of others that I cannot make
logical/rational sense of as non-rational, rather than irrational. 
They are anything but crazy (irrational) to those who are having the
reactions.  

I'm not sure what the implications are of your comment that "allowing
resistant people to get off the hook by saying "this is just how I am"
or "this is just how I feel" "is surrendering to something that
happened to them when they were children and is re-asserting itself
into the present moment. "

I find, in working with so-called resistant people, that they are
likely to have lots of reactions that seem unusual to me.  If I can
'let them off the hook', I can accept them as they are and not need to
reform them (which is a good thing because I can only sometimes reform
myself).  I might indeed comment that a reaction they have seems
mysterious to me and ask what their reaction means to them.  Which
might open up a dialogue where they can explore for themselves their
reactions and feelings.  But it is up to them whether they are
interested, ready, or willing to engage at a deeper level which get
into FOO stuff.  Sometimes, just asking the question is enough to
start them on their own internal exploration.  Sometimes just raising
the level of awareness is adequate to handle the issue at hand without
asking them to delve deeper.

I fear (this IS about me) that looking at accepting their response at
face value as 'surrendering to something . . . ' or lending 'a surreal
and irrational component that  confuses and makes one forget present
truths' puts me in a position of judging (or worse yet, trying to
change) their reaction.  Which, for me, leaves me in a bad position to
deal with the situation.  I'm not sure that I have a lock of
rationality (since I've got my own 7 year old Amy to deal with along
with all of her baggage), or a 'real' perspective on 'present truths'.
 It works better for me to generously accept them as they are --
baggage and all, comment on the puzzles and mysteries I see, and see
if we can engage in a useful conversation towards us both getting what
we want.

Or maybe I'm mis-interpreting your message.  

Amy

Amy Schwab
True North pgs, Inc.
project guidance strategies
http://www.projectcommunity.com


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