RE: Reasons To, Reasons Not To

Dale,

>> I think that's one of the puzzles for change agents.  How is my
relationship with this person
>> affecting the way they respond to my requests?  How can I find out?  What
can I do about it?

I'm going to guess that Wayne would say, "Make contact" :-)

Even though the examples of resistance don't offer as direct a message about
respect, I'm thinking that there are enough indicators to tip you off.  If
I'm asking someone to change and they don't, it's at least partly due to the
relationship.  If I don't know why they won't change, then I don't really
have a relationship.  I would need to establish that first, then understand
the why.  One of the impressions I get from your two lists is that by merely
asking, you probably established a better relationship than the person has
with the "change agent".

Ronald E. Thompson III
Director of Product Delivery
govONE Solutions
(303) 470-6922
(720) 332-3654
[email protected]
[email protected]
A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dale Emery [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Friday, May 30, 2003 3:56 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [resistance] Reasons To, Reasons Not To


Hi Ron,

> One pattern that I see is one regarding respect.  Many of the
> reasons "not to" had to do with a lack of respect, either "I
> don't respect you" or "You didn't/aren't showing respect for
> me".  For the most part, the reasons "to" had the same elements
> -- "I respect you" or "You showed/are showing respect for me".
> Interestingly, some of the reasons "to" were "you aren't going
> to give me respect if I don't".

Yes, respect is one of the relationship qualities that sometimes
seems to be more important than the specific request that the
requester is making.  Other important relationship qualities that
I can see are trust and liking.

One thing that intrigues me when I compare the "reasons" lists to
the "examples of resistance" list is that these relationship
qualities don't show up quite so directly in the examples of
resistance.  People don't often say, for example, "I'm not going
to do what you ask because I don't respect you."

I think that's one of the puzzles for change agents.  How is my
relationship with this person affecting the way they respond to
my requests?  How can I find out?  What can I do about it?

Dale

--
Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)



      Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
            ADVERTISEMENT




To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]



Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
FREE Cell Phones with up to $400 Cash Back!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/_bBUKB/vYxFAA/ySSFAA/X1EolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

 

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/