Re: Don't Be Nice, Be Real

Brad,
Empathy is a feeling not a behavior.  As a result of feeling empathy any number of behaviors might follow.

In my experience automatic/unconscious behaviors (competent or not) do not work very well when dealing with human beings.

What does seem to work (for me) is to first be in touch with me--my feelings (including empathy), thoughts, wants, needs, hopes, my internal resources.

With my awareness of me I desire to choose a behavior consciously that fits for me, respects the other person's thoughts, feelings, wants, and so on, and makes sense given the context within which I meet the other person.

Of course I am not always able to be that congruent.  I keep trying.
Wayne.
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Brad Appleton 
  To: [email protected] 
  Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 12:49 AM
  Subject: Re: [resistance] Don't Be Nice, Be Real


  On Mon, Jun 09, 2003 at 04:45:06PM -0700, Dale Emery wrote:
  > The big idea for me in Bryson's book was the theme of empathy, 
  > which seems like an important part of making contact.

  Thanks Dale!

  So how does one program/condition oneself to make this empathy an automatic/unconsciously competent behavior rather than one requiring explicitly focused awareness and reflection that can often slip in and out when regressing to current "auto-pilot" behaviors? 

  -- 
  Brad Appleton <[email protected]> www.bradapp.net
    Software CM Patterns (www.scmpatterns.com)
     Effective Teamwork, Practical Integration
  "And miles to go before I sleep." -- Robert Frost

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