Don't Be Nice, Be Real / How does this differ by type?

Hi Wayne,

Wayne Strider wrote:
> Glad you bring up type.  Virginia Satir used to say, "Thoughts are the
> parents of our feelings" or something like that. I'm sure my feeling of
> empathy is a result of my thoughts and not the other way around. I'm
an INFP
> Myers-Briggs type.  I rush right passed the thoughts and am most
aware of
> the feelings. I can confuse some people (like my T wife, Eileen)
because she
> sometimes doesn't know how I got to a certain feeling. And I am at a
loss to
> reconstruct the thoughts that led to it.  I don't know if all F's do
it that
> way, but that's how I do it.

This F/T difference is a really confusing one for me.  It's led me to
conclude in many situations that I'm not likely to understand an F's
experience because it seems so alien to me.  I've got a wonderful ENFJ
friend with whom I've explored this -- and although I've learned the
types of reactions he is likely to have from certain types of
situations, I still don't fully understand those reactions and really
do not identify with them.  

Sometimes, in trying to be nice (and real), an F will say something
that really cuts deeply for me.  Luckily, I've mostly learned to
assume that this isn't what they meant to do which allows me to ask
what was meant so I can discover that they were trying to be nice. 
But this has come through years of hard work.

I think such preference differences are at the root of much of what is
considered 'resistance'.  

How is this for others?  Have you noticed any patterns of type,
nice/nice, and resistance?

Amy


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