Re: inner resistance

Good point Dale about safety.  Yes I remember the incident you
described.  People can get closed up when they don't feel safe.  Another
good point you make is about interpretation.  Alex, when you interpret a
person's behavior as "resisting" remember that your interpretation is
about you, not the other person.  If you want to get to his heart you
first have to make contact.  Making contact is another way of creating
safety.  You may have noticed that many of us here in this group have
"introduced" ourselves by answering the 3 making contact questions.

How did I come to be here?
How do I feel about being here?
What would I like to have happen for myself here?

I understand that in this group everything is optional including
answering the 3 questions.

The idea that everything is optional in a training or coaching situation
seemed paradoxical to me.  How can I lead this group if everything is
optional?  What if nobody follows my instructions?  How will I get the
workshop done?  But I eventually realized that those questions came from
my belief that my job was to run exercises, give lecturettes, make sure
everyone was participating, and stick to a timeline (regardless of
whether anyone learned anything.)  Somewhere along the line I learned
that my real job was to support each participant in getting something
useful for himself or herself.  I gave up my need to control and trusted
that someone like the golfer would learn something valuable by golfing
rather than sitting in the workshop sessions.  Participating doesn't
always mean doing the same things everybody else is doing.

Wayne.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2003 1:28 AM
Subject: Re: [resistance] inner resistance


> Hi Wayne,
> Most of the times I am aware when I am resisting. I feel an emotion
somewhere in my body, my 'dharmabell' as I like to call it. Like when I
have a to slow driving car in front of me. I recongnise (am aware of)
the resistence and say "thanks" to the universe for letting me know
there is still something to clear. Works great for ME.
>
> Now the question is how to recognise and handle the resistence with
OTHERS. For example. In my groupcoaching there is sometimes one who is
resisting more or less everything. He does'nt like the group, doesn t
like the process, already 'knows' everything others tell hem, etc. This
person is, in my perception, highly resisting. How to get to his
resistence? When I ask "What are you resisting" the immediate answer is
most of the times "Nothing!". You recognise this? My question is: What
kind of questions can I ask to break through this kind of resistence.
It's easy to play mental (ego) games, but I am looking for a way to get
to his hart straight away.
>
> Greetings
> Alex
>
>   ----- Original Message ----- 
>   From: Wayne Strider
>   To: [email protected]
>   Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2003 1:47 AM
>   Subject: Re: [resistance] inner resistance
>
>
>   Awareness is the first step.  Sometimes resistance is out of our
>   awareness perhaps because we call it by another name.  James calls
it
>   procrastination sometimes.  I think you said you were looking for an
>   exercise.  Try this.  Make a list of your behaviors that you do when
you
>   resist.  They may have different names like procrastination (I
sometimes
>   ignore, blame, blow off.)   Practice catching yourself doing one of
the
>   behaviors on your list.  This will help with awareness.
>
>   Once you get good at the awareness piece you can try to find the
>   positive intention in each of the behaviors like James did with
>   procrastination--it protects him from doing poor quality work.
>
>   Remember another resource is choice.  You get to choose what to do
with
>   your resistance.  Using your awareness and your knowledge of
positive
>   intention you can choose to act on the positive intention or not.
Using
>   the procrastination example, I might be aware that I'm
procrastinating
>   (because it protects me from doing poor work) but choose to stop
>   procrastinating because it might be OK sometimes to do poor work
>   temporarily, like when I am working the kinks out of a new idea.
>   Wayne.
>
>   ----- Original Message ----- 
>   From: <[email protected]>
>   To: <[email protected]>
>   Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 1:26 PM
>   Subject: Re: [resistance] inner resistance
>
>
>   > Hi Wayne,
>   > Thanks for your reply. Maybe remove/demish is not the right
>   expression. In my personal life I 'transformed' a lot of my former
>   resistences into what is sometimes called 'personal power' or 'inner
>   strength'. So transforming is probably a better way to discribe the
>   proces I am after, but before that I am looking for different ways
than
>   I know to transform resistance into power/resource.
>   > greetings,
>   > Alex
>   >
>   > ----- Original Message ----- 
>   >   From: Wayne Strider
>   >   To: [email protected]
>   >   Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 6:42 PM
>   >   Subject: Re: [resistance] inner resistance
>   >
>   >
>   >   Hi Alex,
>   >   If I accept that resistance is a resource (I do) why would I
want to
>   >   diminish or remove it?
>   >   Wayne.
>   >   ----- Original Message ----- 
>   >   From: <[email protected]>
>   >   To: <[email protected]>
>   >   Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 1:06 AM
>   >   Subject: [resistance] inner resistance
>   >
>   >
>   >   > Hi all,
>   >   >
>   >   > I am looking for ways, to be specific, written exercises or
>   questions,
>   >   to get to ones inner resistance to the forefront
>   >   > and step two how to exercises or questions help one to
deminish or
>
>   >   (ideally remove) this resistance.
>   >   > Can someone in this group help me out?
>   >   >
>   >   > Alex Engel
>   >   > Dutch coach
>   >   >
>   >   > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>   >   >
>   >   >
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