Re: Welcome new members

Hi Dale,

>  > better understanding how people's emotional side affects their
>  > interactions with others on one-to-one and organizational
>  > bases (working together through common goals and mutual
>  > emotional involvement), and that's why I'm here.
>
>  My hunch is that you already know some things about that.

I've learned enough to know that I still have a lot to learn! I'm=20
finding it interesting trying to express what I think I know.

>  Interesting.=A0 What have you learned about overcoming fear?

More or less as you put it below.

>  If I'm working with someone else's fear, I wouldn't want to
>  overcome it, exactly.

When I say overcome fear, I don't mean I'm overcoming their fear for=20
them. Only they can overcome their own fear. (How many therapists does=20
it take to change a lightbulb?)

But fear is very useful in change because, as in Judo, all the energy=20
that is going into holding back can potentially be turned into energy=20
to move forward. The person who wasn't that bothered about an issue=20
before might offer little resistance to change, but put little energy=20
into the new order (for want of better words). The person who was able=20
to overcome their fear has some spare energy and feels a new lease of=20
life.

Can anyone remember a scenario to back up or disprove my crazy=20
hypothesis? Despite the confident presentation, I'm making all this up=20
as I go along!

> Maybe offer ways to add confidence (if I
>  can think of any), or find a safe way to test the feared thing,
>  or simply make the explicit (which often reduces it).=A0 But
>  perhaps I'm too timid -- these ways may not give the same feeling
>  strength that you're talking about.

I find adding confidence is often not very useful unless you're doing=20
it by reducing risk. You can't often explain successfully to someone=20
how it's really not all that bad and everything's going to be fine=20
because at the moment they're feeling fear they're not really able to=20
listen to reason. Much attention is turned inwards at that moment.=20
Doing this too much can even result in the person discounting your=20
"advice" because it so clearly doesn't recognize the seriousness of the=20
situation for them. Even if the situation really doesn't justify the=20
emotion.

I get this a lot when I go climbing with beginners - there's really=20
very little you can say that is going to help someone over that "hard"=20
bit. They usually seem to do it by themselves in the end. And I notice=20
that for them, as for me, the "hard" bit usually only turns out to have=20
looked hard - when tried it was a bit of an anti-climax.

Finding a safe way to test the feared thing is also risk-reducing. I=20
think this can be very successful. When climbing I stick to pointing=20
out that they've got a rope on and they're not actually going to fall=20
anywhere. More recently I get people to try to fall when they're 3 feet=20
off the ground so they get the idea that not a lot is going to happen.=20
I have to explain to them that the rope is designed to stretch a bit so=20
they will "sink" perhaps a foot when they do this. Anyway, enough of my=20
climbing stories - it's a rather exaggerated situation.

Tracing back fears to root causes is extremely useful and probably the=20
most powerful of all techniques. When someone is able to connect the=20
emotion to why they feel this way I think it helps them to bring the=20
subconscious issues into the rational mind for evaluation. Once you've=20
got reasoning going on, it's much easier honestly acknowledge and weigh=20
risks, many of which turn out to be less serious than they initially=20
appeared. Some of them turn out to be very solidly founded, but once=20
recognized may be amenable to a risk-control strategy of some kind.=20
Some of them you have to live with. Changing is not free of risk.=20
Neither is staying the same.

>  > When resistance is expressed there is potential to get to the
>  > root emotional cause, and translate the resistance into change
>  > that is positive. And then I saw the name of this list....
>
>  And here you are.=A0 Welcome!

Thanks. I'm enjoying it very much so far. Need to get some work done=20
though.... :-)

--
Duncan Pierce

http://dunkworks.com/



------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Buy Ink Cartridges or Refill Kits for your HP, Epson, Canon or Lexmark
Printer at MyInks.com.  Free s/h on orders $50 or more to the US & Canada.
http://www.c1tracking.com/l.asp?cid=3D5511
http://us.click.yahoo.com/mOAaAA/3exGAA/qnsNAA/X1EolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

=20
Yahoo! Groups Links

<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/resistance-as-a-resource/

<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
     [email protected]

<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
     http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
=20