Re: Passive/Agressive resistance

gammasync wrote:

>How does one handle passive/agressive resistance?
>
>One strategy would be to just give up (which I think is the desired
>outcome for truly passive/agressive people "I want you to go away, but
>I can't ask you to go away, for that would show that I want to be rid
>of you which would be bad, and I can't be bad, so I'll be nothing.")
>  
>
Ah yes, the classic "I'll be nothing" ploy. I've used that many a times 
in my past, unfortunately.

>Another strategy would be to ignore it. ("I see you're not replying,
>but I don't want conflict either, so I'm not going to mention your
>lack of reply for fear of making you even more angry than I hope you
>aren't already.")
>  
>
If I don't want conflict, then I'm avoiding relationship, it's that simple.

>A direct approach ("You seem to be avoiding my direct questions, and
>not replying very quickly. Is there a problem?"), just triggers the
>behavior I'm concerned about (no answer at all).
>  
>
I need to do the right thing, not dependent on the response, or 
anticipated response. I have no control over others, just over what I 
choose to do (and only most of the time even then :-) ... so this 
approach is the best, IMO, even if the other person decides to not reply 
at all. "Love must be sincere."

>Does anyone have a suggestion of an orthogonal approach that may be
>more effective, because it doesn't trigger the primary response of
>silence?
>  
>
Nope -- the direct approach with a sincere concern for the other person 
is the best way I know. Trying to reach beyond that would have to 
attempt to cause a specific reaction in another person and that can't be 
reliably done.

-- 
Chris
http://cministries.org



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