RE: Being a Better Resister

Dale,

> "Attack" is a strong word.
> Was "fight" their word?

Thanks for highlighting my wording.  I think I was reflecting my feelings
about the situation.  I'm guessing that the others would not have used those
words to describe what was going on.  It got me thinking about how the
situation escalated from merely uncomfortable resistance to what I remember
most vividly as an all-out battle.  I need to think about where and why the
turning point occurred.  Thanks for giving me some homework!

> If people aren't telling you what's at the root of their
> resistance, or if you aren't trusting that what they are telling
> you is the root, that's a clue about your relationship.

This was the most difficult part of the situation for me.  When I met with
the other key (to the situation) project members, I always felt like we were
able to get to a good understanding.  In a public setting, they would then
go against everything they agreed to in the private meeting.  I really lost
trust.

I need to do my "I" thing and go away and think now :-)

Ronald E. Thompson III
Director of Product Delivery
govONE Solutions
(720) 332-3654
(303) 470-6922
[email protected]
[email protected]
If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest
common denominator of human achievement.
-- Jimmy Carter, a guy famous for working with peanuts



  -----Original Message-----
  From: Dale Emery [mailto:[email protected]]
  Sent: Saturday, May 03, 2003 5:23 PM
  To: [email protected]
  Subject: Re: [resistance] Being a Better Resister


  Hi Ron,

  > I've seen two basic types of poor handling of resistance.  The
  > first is lash out and try to discredit the resister, the second
  > is to ignore the resistance.

  Discrediting the resister is very efficient.  If I can discredit
  the person, I don't have to discredit each individual thing the
  person says.

  > When I tried to call attention to this (first within the team,
  > then through escalation), the architects (from a very large
  > three letter company) attacked my understanding of the
  > business, then my understanding of the architecture, then
  > personally attacked my approach to participating in the
  > project.

  "Attack" is a strong word.  I'm imagining that if people are
  attacking so strongly, they must be feeling threatened in some
  way.  Do you think they were feeling threatened?  Do you know
  what threat (or loss) they were perceiving?

  > When I tried to escalate the concerns within my "chain of
  > command", I met the other method.  They agreed with my
  > concerns, but didn't want to fight our three letter consultant,
  > so asked me to "write a white paper" with my concerns.  In
  > other words, stick my neck out with no support whatsoever. More
  > fun!

  I'm wondering if they were trying to find some support from you,
  in the form of a white paper, to help them raise the issues with
  the consultant.  Was "fight" their word?  Do you know what led
  them to think of raising concerns as a fight?

  > I would like to be more effective at getting to the root behind
  > the resistance and not allow the message get lost in the
  > delivery.

  If people aren't telling you what's at the root of their
  resistance, or if you aren't trusting that what they are telling
  you is the root, that's a clue about your relationship.  If
  that's true, then something about the relationship will have to
  improve before you can get to the real issues.

  Dale

  --
  Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
  Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)



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