Re: Re: Introductions

Hi Brad,

 > I forget where I read it (maybe it was PeopleSmart) but
 > resistance to change was deemed attributable to fear of loss of
 > one or more of the following "3 Cs": competency, control,
 > connection (connection has to do with social connection/status
 > or inter-personal connection/rapport).

If you remember where you learned this, please let us know.  It 
captures something important that I've nearly put into words a 
few times, but never so succinctly.

I attended Jerry Weinberg's year-long SEM workshop in 1994.  The 
central theme of that workshop was that the fastest route to 
improving as a manager is to learn to cope more effectively with 
the situations where you feel the most stress.

Over the course of the workshop, we explored our peculiar 
stresses in great depth (in intense yet fun ways).  I noticed 
that, though the specific stressful situations varied widely, our 
stressful responses came from a common handful of deep needs. 
It's that handful of deep needs that I've never quite had the 
words for, and how you've given me the words: Competency, 
control, and connection.

Thank you!

Here's something that intrigues me.  As far as I can tell, it's 
very rare for people to say, "I don't want to do that because I 
fear that I will feel incompetent."

In my workshops, I ask people to think of a time when someone 
asked them to do something, and they chose not to.  Then I ask, 
"What was your reason for not doing it?"

I have a long list of answers.  The first answers I hear from 
every group seem to me to be very far from directly expressing 
fears about competence, control, and connection.  Every now and 
then, if I wait long enough for answers, a few people give 
answers that touch on these deep fears.  For example, in one 
group, after I'd written three or four flip-charts of answers, 
and waited in silence for a while, someone offered this reason 
for not doing something:

	"People might find out I can't do it."

A moment later, another person said:

	"/I/ might find out I can't do it."

I asked these folks whether they'd said that to the person who 
had asked them to do whatever it was.  They said no.  Actually, 
they said, "No way!"  What they had said at the time was 
something like, "We don't have time for that," or "that will 
never work."

I think it takes a very special relationship and a very special 
environment to give people the safety to talk about these fears.

Dale

-- 
Web:    http://www.dhemery.com
Weblog: http://www.dhemery.com/journal (Conversations with Dale)


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