The Straight Dope 04/29/2005

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 04/29/2005

Dear Cecil:

Although I realize you don't have firsthand knowledge of
women's monthly cycles, I feel confident that you will be
able to answer my query, o wise one! Does alcohol affect
you differently depending on which week of your cycle
you're in? A girlfriend of mine told me that you will get
drunk easier closer to ovulation and also will be more
susceptible to a hangover. She also said that researchers
think that speech patterns can be affected during
different stages of the cycle (i.e., you have a greater
chance of stumbling on words, stuttering, etc). I've done
a little home research on the alcohol consumption part of
this question and I'm starting to think she is correct.
Do I have a valid excuse for getting tipsy or stuttering?
--Lea-Anne Levasseur, Saint Catharines, Ontario

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Cecil replies:

No offense, Lea-Anne, but you don't have to be female to
have firsthand knowledge of a woman's monthly cycle, any
more than you need a driver's license to have firsthand
knowledge of a car wreck. I'd say the real question,
alcohol aside, is: Does the menstrual cycle cause some
women to exhibit behavior that in ages past got them sent
to live for a week in a hut? Spoken like a true male
chauvinist pig, you may say. Perhaps, but wait till you
hear about Sandie Craddock, the barmaid from hell..

First, tipsiness. Over the past 30 years a fair amount of
research has focused on the relation between the
menstrual cycle and alcohol, the chief question being
whether booze intake causes higher blood alcohol levels
during different stages of the process. One widely cited
study (Ben Jones and Marilyn Jones, 1976) claimed that it
did--specifically, that during the premenstrual phase
(days 21-28), when sex hormone levels fluctuate markedly,
women absorbed alcohol into their bloodstreams faster and
to a greater degree than earlier in the cycle. In a
follow-up investigation, Jones and Jones found that
women's reaction times after drinking slowed more during
the premenstrual phase than at other times.

Aha, you're thinking, my home research confirmed! 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/050429.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

I read your two-part report on the curse of
Noah/Canaan/Ham et al and found it very illuminating.
Another enigmatic story in the Bible is the story of
Onan. This one has been used to prove that masturbation
is evil and punishable by death, so much so that the
words masturbation and Onanism are synonymous. I've read
that story over and over, and I'm not sure where people
get the masturbation connection. On the surface it seems
to me that Onan married his deceased brother's wife,
according to Jewish law, but he did not love her.
However, instead of putting her away and leaving her
alone, he had sex with her, but didn't want to have
children with her, so he pulled and prayed, thus
"spilling his seed on the ground." My take on it is this:
God struck Onan down because he was a rapist who abused
his wife, not because he liked to yank his doodle. Or am
I just twisting the Bible for my own purposes to
alleviate my guilt about spending inordinate amounts of
time in the bathroom? Just sign me . . . --Gilbert
O'Sullivan, Cleveland, Ohio

SDSTAFF Dex replies:

You're right, Onanism and masturbation have been used
synonymously in Western cultures, but they probably
shouldn't be. We'll start with the simple story and
meaning of the text, then give a quick overview of
attitudes towards sex in Judeo-Christian religions.

In the biblical text, Judah, the son of Jacob (called
Israel) has three sons, Er and Onan.

Judah got a wife for Er, his first-born; her name was
Tamar. But Er, Judah's first born, was displeasing to the
Lord and the Lord took his life. Then Judah said to Onan,
"Join with your brother's wife and do your duty by her as
a brother-in-law, and provide offspring for your
brother." But Onan, knowing that the seed would not count
as his, let it go to waste whenever he joined with his
brother's wife, so as not to provide offspring for his
brother. What he did was displeasing to the Lord, and He
took his life also.

First, the simple explanation of the text.

The death of Er (see Note 1) without a son makes Onan
subject to what is called the levirate law. Although the
law itself is not mentioned until much later in
Deuteronomy 25:5, the levirate law was very ancient,
predating the point at which the Pentateuch was written
down (see Note 21).

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/monanism.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 10/24/1986

Dear Cecil: 

My husband and I have an ongoing argument. I say it is
possible, though highly unlikely, for fraternal twins to
have different fathers. My husband and his friends say
this is nonsense. We are relying on you as the final
authority in resolution of a $100 bet. --Nancy Ann N.,
Chicago  

Cecil replies:  

We will deal with this vital issue in a moment, Nancy, but
first a word. Cecil has been settling bets for as long as he
can remember. Yet despite his oft-stated willingness to
accept kickbacks and graft, all he has gotten for his trouble
is an inflatable Dino the Dinosaur, a bootleg Bob Dylan tape,
and a pair of long johns designed for a guy who's built
like Santa Claus and hung like a horse. (Don't ask.) A
mighty sorry showing for 13 years of selfless service.
Well, I've had enough. Since you stand to come into some
serious money pretty soon (see below), I expect you to
show the proper gratitude. They say Paris is beautiful
this time of year. 'Nuff said. 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_213.html

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