The Straight Dope 03/24/2006

The Straight Dope -- By Cecil Adams
http://www.straightdope.com

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THE STRAIGHT DOPE 03/24/2006

Dear Cecil:

Do you ever wonder: in those houses built strategically next to
graveyards, are the occupants drinking residual waste products (or atoms
that the body is composed of) of those buried next to them? Think about
it--if they're drinking well water, coffins begin to break down over
time, right? Is it plausible to assume they are consuming their beloved
deceased? Just something I have always thought about. --H.M., via
e-mail

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Cecil replies:

Get a grip, champ. You bring up a subject that most people most of the
time are happy not to think about. Every so often, however, some
innocent realizes: Wait--cemeteries are full of dead bodies! Gross!
Although I have to say your liquid cannibalism angle is an innovative
twist.

Years ago people seemingly had greater cause for concern. In 1839 a
British surgeon named George Alfred Walker published a book entitled
Gatherings from Grave Yards, Particularly Those of London, With a
Concise History of the Modes of Interment Among Different Nations From
the Earliest Periods, and a Detail of Dangerous and Fatal Results
Produced by the Unwise and Revolting Custom of Inhuming the Dead in the
Midst of the Living. Walker wasn't troubled so much by the stray atoms
that might work loose from a cadaver as by the good-size chunks--London
graveyards were so crammed with bodies that grave diggers were
frequently obliged to hack through old and not-so-old coffins in order
to make space for new ones. Not only was the pileup of putrefying bodies
disgusting and disrespectful of the departed, Walker felt, it led to
debility and disease among those still present. He did mention
contaminated well water in his writings, but his real concern was "the
deadly emanations of human putrescence" or "malaria" (literally, bad
air), which he suggested might be a cause of "typhus fever" among other
things. It wasn't: the different forms of typhus are transmitted by
insects, while typhoid fever is caused by waterborne bacteria.
Nonetheless, during the 19th century municipal officials throughout
Europe and North America were sufficiently alarmed by such warnings that
they outlawed the opening of new cemeteries within city limits and
sought to relocate old ones to the hinterlands.

Today we know that methane and other gases released by decomposition,
while not entirely benign, don't cause disease. 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/060324.html

STAFF REPORT

Dear Straight Dope:

A prerequisite of every biography of Ludwig von Beethoven is the story
of the premiere performance of his Ninth Symphony, which he conducted in
by-then-total deafness. As the story goes, he conducted past the end of
the final movement, and was still conducting as the audience behind him
went ecstatic with applause. The musicians, seeing their conductor
unable to hear the thunderous applause, were dumbstruck with grief for
the tragedy of the moment, until one performer (reportedly the alto
soloist) stopped the maestro and turned him to face the applause. 

The problem with this story is that as not only conductor but composer,
Beethoven must have been acutely aware of the pacing of his own
symphony, presumably having the score before him. Not even a beginning
conductor could be so incompetent as to conduct past the end of his own
composition, even if totally deaf. This tale is as implausible as an
Indy race driver not realizing the race has ended. Is there any account
of what really happened? My presumption is that the individual movements
of the Ninth Symphony are each themselves so magnificent that the
audience may have spontaneously applauded at the end of the first or
third movement, and a musician turned Beethoven to this unexpected
applause. If this is an urban legend, how did it arise? -- Alexander D.
Mitchell IV

SDSTAFF Rico replies:

Mr. Mitchell (anyone with "IV" stuck to their name I treat with
respect), that's the story I have heard for many years. It's a poignant
reminder of how great a composer Beethoven was.

Initially I came across many sources that told basically the same story
you did.

It's a familiar tale: an aging Beethoven, ill and deaf, conducting
the orchestra and chorus in   the premiere of his Ninth Symphony,
conducting even after they had ceased to perform,  after they had
reached the end of the stunning new work, after the audience had already 
begun to applaud, continuing to conduct until a singer turned him
around so that he could  see the thunderous cheers that were resounding
throughout the hall...Whenever the applause occurred, the fact that it
passed unheard by Beethoven makes clear that he could  never have heard
a note of this most magnificent composition. Think about that bitter
fact,   and then wonder that a man so crossed by fate could still demand
a choir to sing  rapturously of joy.

But in going a little further I found that Beethoven was probably not
conducting but merely standing nearby assisting the conductor. I found
at least eight references that corroborated the following:

For more, see: 
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mbeethovendeaf.html

STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 12/01/1989

Dear Cecil: 

I trust you can settle a matter that threatens to create a vast rift
between my love and I. What is the absolute, unequivocal straight dope
on astrology? My girl maintains that while horoscopes in newspapers may
be rubbish, astrology as a whole is not. She believes that a person's
traits are dictated by their astrological chart (i.e., time of birth,
position of planets, etc.) and that a person's zodiac sign may be
guessed by simply observing them. In fact, she has done this on
occasion. I say astrology is completely illogical, and that her
predictions are the result of a 12-to-1 shot paying off. Cece, set my
lady straight. --B. Hayes, Chicago  

Cecil replies:  

Couple problems you got here, B. Number one, it's "between my love and
me," not I. (For that matter, it's "couple problems you've got," not you got,
but when I massacre the language it's art.) Number two, don't count on me
to get your girlfriend turned around. My powers of persuasion are awesome, 
but experience shows these people are immune to argument. 

For more, see:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_071.html

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