Re: Women Fights for Equality in W.VA Mosque

As-salaamu alaykum, Sister Aisha:

Read your note and wanted to comment.  Pre-marital sex is not the goal, and I 
agree with you that it should not be the goal.  However, even in Muslim 
countries, young women get pregnant before marriage.  In some countries, though, if 
they are not rich enough to "escape" could face "honor killings."  (I knew a 
young women in Amman who was killed by her brother due to her getting pregnant 
and it was his duty to kill her to protect the honor of the family.  He is 
still free and did not do any time for his crime.)  Just as in the US or the 
West, abstinance fails when in the heat of the moment--particularly when those 
moments are far and in between.  I think we should not promote pre-marital sex, 
but we need to provide alternatives if one has already done so.  This is one 
of the arguments that is used by some to promote abstinance, but it's not the 
perfect answer. 

As to knowing the father, I agree, that is only one aspect, but the other 
side is having a father present.  I had a father present and it made a difference 
for me and my brothers and sister.  However, I know others who did not have a 
father or mother and with the assistance of significant others in that 
person's life, they faired as well as I did with both parents in the home.  Yes, 
family is the basic building block of society, but how that family is composed is 
open to interpretation--particularly today in Western society, grandparents 
are raising grandchildren, same-sex couples are rearing children from former 
marriages as well as through surrogate birth(s), single parents with the support 
of their family members raise children, et cetera.  So, I do agree with you 
that sex within the bounds of marriage is the ultimate goal, but we must 
recognize that some who are in loving and caring relationships cannot marry due to 
limited interpretations of our religion, for example, the father is not Muslim, 
the couple are same gendered, et cetera.  Finally, my mother speaking on a 
particular young lady that got pregnant while in school and the women of my 
community supported her while she went to college and became a school teacher 
(this was in the early 60s) said, "Anyone can make a (one) mistake.  The second 
time it was intended."  

May Allah continue to guide and bless us all.

Brother Daayiee


Salaam!
Now I am shocked!  You believe pre marital sex is OK?  I see your point 
about paternity, but I dont think this is the only reason that we have 
marriage first in Islam.  I think that knowing the father is only one aspect 
- what about having a father too?  Family is the basic building block of 
society, and single motherhood is not the same.  So I believe we should 
aspire to marriage and sex within its bounds only.  That said though - I 
dont judge people who make mistakes, although you have to worry if they make 
the same mistake over and over.
Wa'salaam
Aisha