Re: Women Fights for Equality in W.VA Mosque

Asalaamu alaikum brother Daayiee.
Thanks for your comments - dont worry, I am in agreeance with most of them.
I do not agree with punishment or stigmatising women who have become 
pregnant outside of marriage.  Obviously its always the woman who then bears 
the burden of the punishment, and thus this attitude further exacerbates the 
problem of Islamically sanctioned sexism.
I just dont want muslims to become as lax as westerners where 30% of kids 
are born outside of marriage.  And though kids do turn out fine in single 
parent, or homosexual households - I dont think this is what we should aim 
for.  I think it is clear enough in the Quran that men and women are 
supposed to get married and have kids in this setting.
I am a dr, and have seen many cases which are almost always in single parent 
families where kids all have different dads, are exposed to situations of 
abuse (physical and sexual) from the mother's 'boyfriends', and it is well 
known from a psychiatric pt of view that kids who lack a role model from 
either sex are more likely to have problems in that area.
Nothing can replace a loving mum and dad - and this has to be the goal.  But 
yes, we should support those girls who make a mistake - and treat them as we 
would any other mother.  Honour killings are obviously abhorrent to me -a nd 
of course they are totally wrong because they are murder.

wa'salaam
Aisha


>From: [email protected]
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>CC: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [Progressivemuslimsnetwork] Women Fights for Equality in W.VA 
>Mosque
>Date: Wed, 28 Jan 2004 18:58:22 EST
>
>As-salaamu alaykum, Sister Aisha:
>
>Read your note and wanted to comment.  Pre-marital sex is not the goal, and 
>I
>agree with you that it should not be the goal.  However, even in Muslim
>countries, young women get pregnant before marriage.  In some countries, 
>though, if
>they are not rich enough to "escape" could face "honor killings."  (I knew 
>a
>young women in Amman who was killed by her brother due to her getting 
>pregnant
>and it was his duty to kill her to protect the honor of the family.  He is
>still free and did not do any time for his crime.)  Just as in the US or 
>the
>West, abstinance fails when in the heat of the moment--particularly when 
>those
>moments are far and in between.  I think we should not promote pre-marital 
>sex,
>but we need to provide alternatives if one has already done so.  This is 
>one
>of the arguments that is used by some to promote abstinance, but it's not 
>the
>perfect answer.
>
>As to knowing the father, I agree, that is only one aspect, but the other
>side is having a father present.  I had a father present and it made a 
>difference
>for me and my brothers and sister.  However, I know others who did not have 
>a
>father or mother and with the assistance of significant others in that
>person's life, they faired as well as I did with both parents in the home.  
>Yes,
>family is the basic building block of society, but how that family is 
>composed is
>open to interpretation--particularly today in Western society, grandparents
>are raising grandchildren, same-sex couples are rearing children from 
>former
>marriages as well as through surrogate birth(s), single parents with the 
>support
>of their family members raise children, et cetera.  So, I do agree with you
>that sex within the bounds of marriage is the ultimate goal, but we must
>recognize that some who are in loving and caring relationships cannot marry 
>due to
>limited interpretations of our religion, for example, the father is not 
>Muslim,
>the couple are same gendered, et cetera.  Finally, my mother speaking on a
>particular young lady that got pregnant while in school and the women of my
>community supported her while she went to college and became a school 
>teacher
>(this was in the early 60s) said, "Anyone can make a (one) mistake.  The 
>second
>time it was intended."
>
>May Allah continue to guide and bless us all.
>
>Brother Daayiee
>
>
>Salaam!
>Now I am shocked!  You believe pre marital sex is OK?  I see your point
>about paternity, but I dont think this is the only reason that we have
>marriage first in Islam.  I think that knowing the father is only one 
>aspect
>- what about having a father too?  Family is the basic building block of
>society, and single motherhood is not the same.  So I believe we should
>aspire to marriage and sex within its bounds only.  That said though - I
>dont judge people who make mistakes, although you have to worry if they 
>make
>the same mistake over and over.
>Wa'salaam
>Aisha

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