[SwF] advocate
aaks shah <aaks_friendofurs-/[email protected]> Fri, 23 Dec 2005 10:12:48 -0800 (PST)
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Advocate
Here's An Orange
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
Cigars For The Judge
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It\'s in the judge\'s hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn\'t even smile at the judge." \n
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I\'m sure we would have lost the case if you\'d sent them." \n
"But, I did send them."
"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.
"Yes. That\'s how we won the case."
"I don\'t understand," said the lawyer.
\n"It\'s easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but signed the plaintiff\'s name."
\n\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d
\nDid you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn\'t figure out which side to spit on.
\n\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d
What\'s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
- Lipstick.
\n
\nATUL SHRIWASTAWA
",1] ); //-->
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But, I did send them."
"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.
"Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but signed the plaintiff's name."
=================================
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
====================================
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<DIV id=RTEContent> <DIV align=center><FONT size=7><A href="#">Advocate</A></FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=4><B>Here's An Orange <BR></B><BR>The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" <BR><BR>The student replied, "Here's an orange."<BR><BR>The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"<BR><BR>The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed
, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the
contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'" </FONT> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=4><B>Cigars For The Judge <BR></B><BR>A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." <SCRIPT><!-- D(["mb","<br><br>"It\'s in the judge\'s hands now," said the lawyer.<br><br>"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"<br><br>"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn\'t even smile at the judge." \n<br><br>Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"<br><br>"I\'m sure
we would have lost the case if you\'d sent them." \n<br><br>"But, I did send
them."<br><br>"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.<br><br>"Yes. That\'s how we won the case."<br><br>"I don\'t understand," said the lawyer.<br><br>\n"It\'s easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but signed the plaintiff\'s name."<br></font></div>\n<div><font face\u003d\"Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif\" size\u003d\"2\">\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d<WBR>\u003d\u003d\u003d</font></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div></font></td></tr></tbody></table>\n<div><font size\u003d\"2\">Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?<br>- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn\'t figure out which side to spit
on.</font><br> </div>\n<div>\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d<WBR>\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d\u003d<br><br><font size\u003d\"2\">What\'s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?<br>- Lipstick.</font><br> </div>\n<div> </div>\n<div>ATUL SHRIWASTAWA</div>",1] ); //--></SCRIPT> <BR><BR>"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.<BR><BR>"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"<BR><BR>"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." <BR><BR>Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse,
he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"<BR><BR>"I'm sure we
would have lost the case if you'd sent them." <BR><BR>"But, I did send them."<BR><BR>"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.<BR><BR>"Yes. That's how we won the case."<BR><BR>"I don't understand," said the lawyer.<BR><BR>"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but signed the plaintiff's name."<BR> </FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=4>==============================<WBR>===</WBR></FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=4>Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?<BR>- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.</FONT><BR> </DIV> <DIV>==============================<WBR></WBR>======<BR> </DIV> <DIV align=center> </DIV> <DIV align=justify> </DIV> <DIV align=center><FONT color=#000099><IMG height=53 src="http://mi8.bpcdn.us/bmarv1/
abar13.gif" width=429></FONT></DIV> <DIV align=center><STRONG><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=6></DIV> <DIV> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD><FONT color=#000099><IMG height=122 src="http://img49.exs.cx/img49/2383/Dancer1.gif" width=106></FONT></FONT><EM><FONT face="Arial Black, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif" size=7>Aakash Shah</FONT></EM><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=6><IMG height=122 src="http://img49.exs.cx/img49/2383/Dancer1.gif" width=106></FONT>
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