comments on draft-ietf-adslmib-gshdslbis-02.txt

Hi -

Here are the rest of my MIB review comments
on draft-ietf-adslmib-gshdslbis-02.txt.
These are mostly tiny editorial nits, except for
the ones labeled "Problem".

Period at end of sentence should have two spaces before next
sentence:
        "represented as a bit-map of possible settings. The various"
        "bitmap of possible conditions. The various bit positions"

Typo: "This table supports maintenance operations (eg. loopbacks)
the "eg." should be "e. g."

Typo: both "bitmap" and "bit-map" are used.  Pick one.

Not expanded on first use:
         ANSI
         ITU
         DSL
         CO
         CPE
        VACM

Missing word:
        "noDefect               There no defects on the line."

Duplicate word:
        "Performance Data Interval number.  1 is the the most recent
        "History Data Interval number.  Interval 1 is the the most

Typo: document uses "G.SHDSL.BIS", "G.SHDSL.bis" and "g.shdsl.bis".
Pick one.

Typo: "Raliegh" -> "Raleigh"

Typo: uses both "end point" and "endpoint".  Pick one.
Typo: uses both "Segment Endpoint" and "segment endpoint".  Pick one.

Mangled phrase: (twice)
  "This document defines a portion of the Management Information Base
   (MIB) module for use with network management protocols in the"
Suggest removing "portion of the"

Nit:
  "defined in HDSL2-SHDSL-Line MIB (RFC 3276).  The MIB described in"
Suggest replacing "The MIB" with "The MIB module".
This nit shows up all through the document; suggest carefully replacing
"MIB" and "MIBs" with "MIB module" and "MIB modules" appropriately.


Problem:
Section 2 should be replaced using the current boilerplate
from http://www.ops.ietf.org/mib-boilerplate.html, and the
references should be updated accordingly.

Nit:
Section 4.3 doesn't seem to cover the hdsl2ShdslCurrShdslGroup.
It is also missing from section 5.

Problem:
Section 4.6 says:
   The ability to generate the SNMP notifications coldStart/WarmStart
   (per [RFC2863]) which are per agent (e.g., per Digital Subscriber
Problem is that RFC 2863 says nothing about coldStart or warmStart.
Correct reference would be RFC 3418.

Nit:
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorID OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorModelNumber OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorSerialNumber OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorEOCSoftwareVersion OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvStandardVersion OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorListNumber OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorIssueNumber OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorSoftwareVersion OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvEquipmentCode OBJECT-TYPE
   hdsl2ShdslInvVendorOther OBJECT-TYPE
all would be better with REFERENCE clauses

Typo:
         is a 1-1 relationship between the status bits defined in this
replace "-" with ":".

Typo: "wirepair" -> "wire pair"

Typo:
   A management application which intends to manage G.SHDSL.bis agents,
   should be modified to accept this sequence.
Suggest:
   A management application intended to manage G.SHDSL.bis agents
   should be modified to accept this sequence.

Wrong word: ("if" -> "of")
   still capable if managing G.SHDSL.bis agents albeit to the degree of

Problem:
There is some good stuff in the security considerations section,
but it should also include the current boilerplate from
http://www.ops.ietf.org/mib-security.html

Pseudo-code: the snippet of pseudo-code (page 68) isn't helpful,
suggest deleting it.

Nit:
Author lists (based on draft-rfc-editor-rfc2223bis-08.txt)
use "," before "and" when there are three or more authors.

Order of sections doesn't match *suggested* order from 2223bis;
this isn't a problem as far as I'm concerned.

Randy