Re: Review and comment on draft-ietf-mboned-ieee802-mcast-problems

This is a very useful document and I support its adoption.

I have the following nits:

Section 1, para 1, line 9.  "wifi" -> "Wi-Fi"  (A check needs to be made
to expunge all incorrect presentations of "Wi-Fi" from the entire document.)

Section 3.1.2, para 1, line 3.  "which" -> "that"  (See end of review
for the reason.)

Section 3.2.4, para 4, line 4.  "amount" -> "number"  (If you can count
it on the integers, use "number"; if you can measure it using real
numbers, use "amount".)

Section 4.5.3, para 1, line 2.  If "STA" is pronounced "es-tee-ay", then
"a STA" needs to be written as "an STA".  (The form of the article is
dependent on the initial _sound_, not the initial _letter_.)

Section 4.5.4, para 1, line 3.  "a STA" -> "an STA"

Para 2.  I suggest that this text be revised to include a third option:
DRIAD (See draft-ietf-mboned-driad-amt-discovery.)  It would be a shame
to do a Last Call on both DRIAD and this document at the same time and
not coordinate them!!!)

I further suggest that the order of presentation of the three options be
the same as the order of preference for AMT relay lookup, as defined in
the DRIAD document, i.e.:
1.	DNS-SD
2.	The well-known IP addresses from Section 7 of [RFC7450]
3.	DRIAD

Section 4.6, para 4, bullet 4.  "which" -> "that"

Section 5.1, topic "ARP sponges", para 1, line 14.  It is not clear who
"We" is, in "We have to run".  This text needs to be re-written to get
rid of the first-person presentation.

Topic "Router mitigations", line 4.  "which" -> "that"  Also, "we" is
undefined here, so the text needs to be re-written in the third person.

Topic "Firewall unused space".  "from meeting to meeting"  (of what
group??)  (It is clear to me that this point is talking about an IETF
meeting, but the specific text here needs to be either expanded (to
explain the context) or generalized.)

Topic "NAT"  Again, this topic is specific to IETF meetings, without
stating so.  The solution is applicable to much more than IETF meetings...

Topic "Stateful firewalls"  As above, this text is IETF-meeting specific.

Section 8, para 3, line 6.  "amount" -> "number"


NOTE on use of "which" and "that".  "that" is used when the phrase
following it is _required_ if we are going to be able to completely
identify what is being talked about, while "which" is used to introduce
supplementary information.  Some examples:

1) If there are three houses on the street, and only one of them is at
the corner, then you say:
"The house that is on the corner needs to be painted."
2) If there are three houses on the street, and only one of them is
yellow, then you say:
"The yellow house, which needs to be painted, is for sale."

In the first case, the observer cannot identify the exact house until
its position is given.  In the second case, the house is completely
identified by its colour, and the information about the need to be
painted is supplementary information.  This information is set off with
commas, and introduced with "which".


Bill Atwood


On 2019-06-12 12:31 p.m., Warren Kumari wrote:
> Dear MBONED,
> 
> Pretty please, can you review and comment on the WGLC for
> draft-ietf-mboned-ieee802-mcast-problems and
> draft-ietf-mboned-driad-amt-discovery ?
> 
> See the thread labeled: "[MBONED] WGLCs for
> draft-ietf-mboned-ieee802-mcast-problems and
> draft-ietf-mboned-driad-amt-discovery"
> 
> The initial WGLC was extended until June 13th to get additional
> feedback - "both docs have enjoyed tremendous support from folks in
> the meetings/list in the past and there has been no particularly
> controversies  noted in either doc."
> 
> It will be very discouraging if we cannot get additional comments.
> 
> W
> 

-- 
Dr. J.W. Atwood, Eng.             tel:   +1 (514) 848-2424 x3046
Distinguished Professor Emeritus  fax:   +1 (514) 848-2830
Department of Computer Science
   and Software Engineering
Concordia University EV 3.185     email:[email protected]
1455 de Maisonneuve Blvd. West    http://users.encs.concordia.ca/~bill
Montreal, Quebec Canada H3G 1M8

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