Re: The O2 isn't helping and I'm suicidal

D.F. Manno wrote:
> My DME guy delivered the oxygen machine Friday night. Here it is
> Tuesday evening and it doesn't seem to have done a damn thing except
> for the tube wrapping itself around my legs when I try to get into
> bed. I actually feel _worse_ now than I did Friday.

Have you called the doctor/agency and told them? That doesn't sound normal.

>
> I woke up this morning and promptly had a coughing fit and the dry
> heaves. The weather has turned damp and chilly, so my arthritis is
> acting up. Every movement hurts.

Do you have allergies too? This weekend with the rain and all the pollen I
was hacking up a storm.

>
> I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but I'm trying to get into a
> long-term inpatient program to deal with my multiple health problems.
> I found out Friday that if I go in, I lose my apartment (because it's
> Section 8 and you have to actually live in the unit to keep it).
> Homelessness is my number one fear, bar none. I've been homeless. I
> hated it. Now I have a choice of staying sick and keeping my home, or
> getting better and living on the streets.

That's fscking insane. Typical government bullshit.

>
> The depression is just getting worse. I go back and forth between
> wanting to get an Uzi and start shooting random passersby, and
> wanting to get a fifth of Jim Beam and take all the pills in my house.

I know of which you speak.........unfortunately......and I don't have any
magic words for you to make you feel any better. I had another Lyme IBS
"event" the last two days, felt the same way, and had another panic attack
over it (a mild one, thankfully)......my new doctor kind of killed off what
positiveness I had left when he told me my inflammation(s) could go on for
many more months. But I feel like a pussy when I whine about what I'm going
thru.....it pales in comparison to what you've faced in your life and are
facing now....just keep talking to us .social folks, ok? We do care, if you
didn't know that already.