Terrifying rhetorician
Mike Findlay <[email protected]>
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/apr/24/amis-hitchens-world?cat=books&type=article
Amis on Hitchens: 'He's one of the most terrifying rhetoricians the world has
seen'
Martin Amis hails the peerless intelligence and rhetorical ingenuity of his
exceptional friend, Christopher Hitchens
* Martin Amis
* The Observer, Sunday 24 April 2011
* larger | smaller
Christopher Hitchens, left, on holiday with Martin Amis in Cape Cod, 1985.
Spontaneous eloquence seems to me a miracle," confessed Vladimir Nabokov in
1962. He took up the point more personally in his foreword to Strong Opinions
(1973): "I have never delivered to my audience one scrap of information not
prepared in typescript beforehand … My hemmings and hawings over the telephone
cause long-distance callers to switch from their native English to pathetic
French.
"At parties, if I attempt to entertain people with a good story, I have to go
back to every other sentence for oral erasures and inserts … nobody should ask
me to submit to an interview … It has been tried at least twice in the old
days, and once a recording machine was present, and when the tape was rerun and
I had finished laughing, I knew that never in my life would I repeat that sort
of performance."
We sympathise. And most literary types, probably, would hope for inclusion
somewhere or other on Nabokov's sliding scale: "I think like a genius, I write
like a distinguished author, and I speak like a child."
Mr Hitchens isn't like that. Christopher and His Kind runs the title of one of
Isherwood's famous memoirs. And yet this Christopher doesn't have a kind.
Everyone is unique – but Christopher is preternatural. And it may even be that
he exactly inverts the Nabokovian paradigm. He thinks like a child (that is to
say, his judgments are far more instinctive and moral-visceral than they seem,
and are animated by a child's eager apprehension of what feels just and true);
he writes like a distinguished author; and he speaks like a genius.
As a result, Christopher is one of the most terrifying rhetoricians that the
world has yet seen. Lenin used to boast that his objective, in debate, was not
rebuttal and then refutation: it was the "destruction" of his interlocutor.
This isn't Christopher's policy – but it is his practice. Towards the very end
of the last century, all the greatest chessplayers, including Garry Kasparov,
began to succumb to a computer (named Deep Blue); I had the opportunity to ask
two grandmasters to describe the Deep Blue experience, and they both said:
"It's like a wall coming at you." In argument, Christopher is that wall. The
prototype of Deep Blue was known as Deep Thought. And there's a case for
calling Christopher Deep Speech. With his vast array of geohistorical
references and precedents, he is almost Google-like; but Google (with, say, its
10 million "results" in 0.7 seconds) is something of an idiot savant, and
Christopher's search engine is much more finely tuned. In debate, no matter
what the motion, I would back him against Cicero, against Demosthenes.
Whereas mere Earthlings get by with a mess of expletives, subordinate clauses,
and finely turned tautologies, Christopher talks not only in complete sentences
but also in complete paragraphs. Similarly, he is an utter stranger to what
Diderot called l'esprit de l'escalier: the spirit of the staircase. This phrase
is sometimes translated as "staircase wit" – far too limitingly, in my view,
because l'esprit de l'escalier describes an entire stratum of one's intellectual
and emotional being. The door to the debating hall, or to the contentious
drinks party, or indeed to the little flat containing the focus of amatory
desire, has just been firmly closed; and now the belated eureka shapes itself
on your lips. These lost chances, these unexercised potencies of persuasion,
can haunt you for a lifetime – particularly, of course, when the staircase was
the one that might have led to the bedroom.
As a young man, Christopher was conspicuously unpredatory in the sexual sphere
(while also being conspicuously pan-affectionate: "I'll just make a brief pass
at everyone," he would typically and truthfully promise a mixed gathering of 14
or 15 people, "and then I'll be on my way"). I can't say how it went, earlier
on, with the boys; with the girls, though, Christopher was the one who needed
to be persuaded. And I do know that in this area, if in absolutely no other, he
was sometimes inveigled into submission.
The habit of saying the right thing at the right time tends to get relegated to
the category of the pert riposte. But the put-down, the swift comeback, when
quoted, gives a false sense of finality. So-and-so, as quick as a flash, said
so-and-so – and that seems to be the end of it. Christopher's most memorable
rejoinders, I have found, linger, and reverberate, and eventually combine, as
chess moves combine. One evening, close to 40 years ago, I said: "I know you
despise all sports – but how about a game of chess?" Looking mildly puzzled and
amused, he joined me over the 64 squares. Two things soon emerged. First, he
showed no combative will, he offered no resistance (because this was play, you
see, and earnest is all that really matters). Second, he showed an endearing
disregard for common sense. This prompts a paradoxical thought.
There are many excellent commentators, in the US and the UK, who deploy far
more rudimentary gumption than Christopher ever bothers with (we have a
deservedly knighted columnist in London whom I always think of, with
admiration, as Sir Common Sense). But it is hard to love common sense. And the
salient fact about Christopher is that he is loved. What we love is fertile
instability; what we love is the agitation of the unexpected. And Christopher
always comes, as they say, from left field. He is not a plain speaker. He is
not, I repeat, a plain man.
Over the years Christopher has spontaneously delivered many dozens of
unforgettable lines. Here are four of them:
1. He was on TV for the second or third time in his life (if we exclude
University Challenge), which takes us back to the mid-1970s and to
Christopher's mid-twenties. He and I were already close friends (and colleagues
at the New Statesman); but I remember thinking that nobody so matinee-telegenic
had the right to be so exceptionally quick-tongued on the screen. At a certain
point in the exchange, Christopher came out with one of his political
poeticisms, an ornate but intelligible definition of (I think) national
sovereignty. His host – a fair old bruiser in his own right – paused, frowned,
and said with scepticism and with helpless sincerity, "I can't understand a
word you're saying."
"I'm not in the least surprised," said Christopher, and moved on.
The talk ran its course. But if this had been a frontier western, and not a
chat show, the wounded man would have spent the rest of the segment leerily
snapping the arrow in half and pushing its pointed end through his chest and
out the other side.
2. Every novelist of his acquaintance is riveted by Christopher, not just qua
friend but also qua novelist. I considered the retort I am about to quote (all
four words of it) so epiphanically devastating that I put it in a novel –
indeed, I put Christopher in a novel. Mutatis mutandis (and it is the novel
itself that dictates the changes), Christopher "is" Nicholas Shackleton in The
Pregnant Widow – though it really does matter, in this case, what the meaning of
"is" is… The year was 1981. We were in a tiny Italian restaurant in west
London, where we would soon be joined by our future first wives. Two elegant
young men in waisted suits were unignorably and interminably fussing with the
staff about rearranging the tables, to accommodate the large party they
expected. It was an intensely class-conscious era (because the class system was
dying); Christopher and I were candidly lower-middle bohemian, and the two
young men were raffishly minor-gentry (they had the air of those who await,
with epic stoicism, the deaths of elderly relatives). At length, one of them
approached our table, and sank smoothly to his haunches, seeming to pout out
through the fine strands of his fringe. The crouch, the fringe, the pout: these
had clearly enjoyed many successes in the matter of bending others to his
will. After a flirtatious pause he said, "You're going to hate us for this."
And Christopher said, "We hate you already."
3. In the summer of 1986, in Cape Cod, and during subsequent summers, I used
to play a set of tennis every other day with the historian Robert Jay Lifton. I
was reading, and then re-reading, his latest and most celebrated book, The Nazi
Doctors; so, on Monday, during changeovers, we would talk about the chapter
"Sterilisation and the Nazi Biomedical Vision"; on Wednesday, "'Wild
Euthanasia': The Doctors Take Over"; on Friday, "The Auschwitz Institution"; on
Sunday, "Killing with Syringes: Phenol Injections"; and so on. One afternoon,
Christopher, whose family was staying with mine on Horseleech Pond, was due to
show up at the court, after a heavy lunch in nearby Wellfleet, to be
introduced to Bob (and to be driven back to the pond-front house). He arrived,
much gratified by having come so far on foot: three or four miles – one of the
greatest physical feats of his adult life. It was set point. Bob served,
approached the net, and wrongfootingly dispatched my attempted pass. Now Bob
was, and is, 23 years my senior; and the score was 6-0. I could, I suppose,
plead preoccupation: that summer I was wondering (with eerie detachment)
whether I had it in me to write a novel that dealt with the Holocaust.
Christopher knew about this, and he knew about my qualms.
Elatedly towelling himself down, Bob said, "You know, there are so few areas of
transcendence left to us. Sports. Sex. Art … "
"Don't forget the miseries of others," said Christopher. "Don't forget the
languid contemplation of the miseries of others."
I did write that novel. And I still wonder whether Christopher's black,
three-ply irony somehow emboldened me to attempt it. What remains true, to this
day, to this hour, is that of all subjects (including sex and art), the one we
most obsessively return to is the Shoa, and its victims – those whom the wind of
death has scattered.
4. In conclusion we move on to 1999, and by now Christopher and I have
acquired new wives, and gained three additional children (making eight in all).
It was mid-afternoon, in Long Island, and he and I hoped to indulge a
dependable pleasure: we were in search of the most violent available film. In
the end we approached a multiplex in Southampton (having been pitiably reduced
to Wesley Snipes). I said, "No one's recognised the Hitch for at least 10
minutes."
Ten? Twenty minutes. Twenty-five. And the longer it goes on, the more pissed
off I get. I keep thinking: What's the matter with them? What can they feel,
what can they care, what can they know, if they fail to recognise the Hitch?
An elderly American was sitting opposite the doors to the cinema, dressed in
candy colours and awkwardly perched on a hydrant. With his trembling hands
raised in an Italianate gesture, he said weakly, "Do you love us? Or do you
hate us?"
This old party was not referring to humanity, or to the West. He meant America
and Americans. Christopher said, "I beg your pardon?"
"Do you love us, or do you hate us?"
As Christopher pushed on through to the foyer, he said, not warmly, not
coldly, but with perfect evenness, "It depends on how you behave."
Does it depend on how others behave? Or does it depend, at least in part, on the
loves and hates of the Hitch?
Christopher is bored by the epithet contrarian, which has been trailing him
around for a quarter of a century. What he is, in any case, is an
autocontrarian: he seeks, not only the most difficult position, but the most
difficult position for Christopher Hitchens. Hardly anyone agrees with him on
Iraq (yet hardly anyone is keen to debate him on it). We think also of his
support for Ralph Nader, his collusion with the impeachment process of the
loathed Bill Clinton (who, in Christopher's new book, The Quotable Hitchens,
occupies more space than any other subject), and his support for Bush-Cheney in
2004. Christopher often suffers for his isolations; this is widely sensed, and
strongly contributes to his magnetism. He is in his own person the drama, as we
watch the lithe contortions of a self-shackling Houdini. Could this be the crux
of his charisma – that Christopher, ultimately, is locked in argument with the
Hitch? Still, "contrarian" is looking shopworn. And if there must be an
epithet, or what the press likes to call a (single-word) "narrative", then I
can suggest a refinement: Christopher is one of nature's rebels. By which I
mean that he has no automatic respect for anybody or anything.
The rebel is in fact a very rare type. In my whole life I have known only two
others, both of them novelists (my father, up until the age of about 45; and my
friend Will Self). This is the way to spot a rebel: they give no deference or
even civility to their supposed superiors (that goes without saying); they
also give no deference or even civility to their demonstrable inferiors. Thus
Christopher, if need be, will be merciless to the prince, the president, and
the pontiff; and, if need be, he will be merciless to the cabdriver ("Oh,
you're not going our way. Well turn your light off, all right? Because it's
fucking sickening the way you guys ply for trade"), to the publican ("You don't
give change for the phone? OK, I'm going to report you to the Camden Consumer
Council"), and to the waiter ("Service is included, I see. But you're saying
it's optional. Which? … What? Listen. If you're so smart, why are you dealing
them off the arm in a dump like this?"). Christopher's everyday manners are
beautiful (and wholly democratic); of course they are – because he knows that
in manners begins morality. But each case is dealt with exclusively on its
merits. This is the rebel's way.
It is for the most part an invigorating and even a beguiling disposition, and
makes Mr Average, or even Mr Above Average (whom we had better start calling
Joe Laptop), seem underevolved. Most of us shakily preside over a chaos of
vestigial prejudices and pieties, of semi-subliminal inhibitions, taboos and
herd instincts, some of them ancient, some of them spryly contemporary (like
moral relativism and the ardent xenophilia which, in Europe at least, always
excludes Israelis). To speak and write without fear or favour (to hear no
internal drumbeat): such voices are invaluable. On the other hand, as the rebel
is well aware, compulsive insubordination risks the punishment of
self-inflicted wounds.
Let us take an example from Christopher's essays on literature . In the last
decade Christopher has written three raucously hostile reviews – of Saul
Bellow's Ravelstein (2000), John Updike's Terrorist (2006), and Philip Roth's
Exit Ghost (2007). When I read them, I found myself muttering the piece of
schoolmarm advice I have given Christopher in person, more than once: Don't
cheek your elders. The point being that, in these cases, respect is mandatory,
because it has been earned, over many books and many years. Does anyone think
that Saul Bellow, then aged 85, needed Christopher's repeated reminders that
the Bellovian powers were on the wane (and in fact, read with respect,
Ravelstein is an exquisite swansong, full of integrity, beauty and dignity)? If
you are a writer, then all the writers who have given you joy – as Christopher
was given joy by Augie March and Humboldt's Gift, for example, and by Updike's
The Coup, and by Roth's Portnoy's Complaint – are among your honorary parents;
and Christopher's attacks were coldly unfilial. Here, disrespect becomes the
vice that so insistently exercised Shakespeare: that of ingratitude. And all
novelists know, with King Lear (who was thinking of his daughters), how sharper
than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless reader.
Art is freedom; and in art, as in life, there is no freedom without law. The
foundational literary principle is decorum, which means something like the
opposite of its dictionary definition: "behaviour in keeping with good taste
and propriety" (i.e., submission to an ovine consensus). In literature, decorum
means the concurrence of style and content – together with a third element,
which I can only vaguely express as earning the right weight. It doesn't matter
what the style is, and it doesn't matter what the content is; but the two must
concur. If the essay is something of a literary art, which it clearly is, then
the same law obtains.
Here are some indecorous quotes from the The Quotable Hitchens. "Ronald Reagan
is doing to the country what he can no longer do to his wife." On the
Chaucerian summoner-pardoner Jerry Falwell: "If you gave Falwell an enema, he'd
be buried in a matchbox." On the political entrepreneur George Galloway:
"Unkind nature, which could have made a perfectly good butt out of his face,
has spoiled the whole effect by taking an asshole and studding it with
ill-brushed fangs." The critic DW Harding wrote a famous essay called
"Regulated Hatred". It was a study of Jane Austen. We grant that hatred is a
stimulant; but it should not become an intoxicant.
The difficulty is seen at its starkest in Christopher's baffling weakness for
puns. This doesn't much matter when the context is less than consequential (it
merely grinds the reader to a temporary halt). But a pun can have no business
in a serious proposition. Consider the following, from 2007: "In the very
recent past, we have seen the Church of Rome befouled by its complicity with
the unpardonable sin of child rape, or, as it might be phrased in Latin form,
'no child's behind left'." Thus the ending of the sentence visits a riotous
indecorum on its beginning. The great grammarian and usage-watcher Henry Fowler
attacked the "assumption that puns are per se contemptible … Puns are good,
bad, or indifferent … " Actually, Fowler was wrong. "Puns are the lowest form
of verbal facility," Christopher elsewhere concedes. But puns are the result of
an anti-facility: they offer disrespect to language, and all they manage to do
is make words look stupid.
Now compare the above to the below – to the truly quotable Christopher. In his
speech, it is the terse witticism that we remember; in his prose, what we
thrill to is his magisterial expansiveness (the ideal anthology would run for
several thousand pages, and would include whole chapters of his recent memoir,
Hitch-22). The extracts that follow aren't jokes or jibes. They are more like
crystallisations – insights that lead the reader to a recurring question: If
this is so obviously true, and it is, why did we have to wait for Christopher
to point it out to us?
"There is, especially in the American media, a deep belief that insincerity is
better than no sincerity at all."
"One reason to be a decided antiracist is the plain fact that 'race' is a
construct with no scientific validity. DNA can tell you who you are, but not
what you are."
"A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realisation that you can't make
old friends."
On gay marriage: "This is an argument about the socialisation of
homosexuality, not the homosexualisation of society. It demonstrates the spread
of conservatism, not radicalism, among gays."
On Philip Larkin: "The stubborn persistence of chauvinism in our life and
letters is or ought to be the proper subject for critical study, not the
occasion for displays of shock."
"[I]n America, your internationalism can and should be your patriotism."
"It is only those who hope to transform human beings who end up by burning them,
like the waste product of a failed experiment."
"This has always been the central absurdity of 'moral', as opposed to
'political' censorship: If the stuff does indeed have a tendency to deprave and
corrupt, why then the most depraved and corrupt person must be the censor who
keeps a vigilant eye on it."
And one could go on. Christopher's dictum – "What can be asserted without
evidence can be dismissed without evidence" – has already entered the language.
And so, I predict, will this: "A Holocaust denier is a Holocaust affirmer."
What justice, what finality. Like all Christopher's best things, it has the
simultaneous force of a proof and a law.
"Is nothing sacred?" he asks. "Of course not." And no westerner, as Ronald
Dworkin pointed out, "has the right not to be offended". We accept
Christopher's errancies, his recklessnesses, because they are inseparable from
his courage; and true valour, axiomatically, fails to recognise discretion. As
the world knows, Christopher has recently made the passage from the land of the
well to the land of the ill. One can say that he has done so without a visible
flinch; and he has written about the process with unparalleled honesty and
eloquence, and with the highest decorum. His many friends, and his innumerable
admirers, have come to dread the tone of the "living obituary". But if the
story has to end too early, then its coda will contain a triumph.
Christopher's personal devil is God, or rather organised religion, or rather
the human "desire to worship and obey". He comprehensively understands that
the desire to worship, and all the rest of it, is a direct reaction to the
unmanageability of the idea of death. "Religion," wrote Larkin: "That vast
moth-eaten musical brocade/ Created to pretend we never die …"
And there are other, unaffiliated intimations that the secular mind has now
outgrown. "Life is a great surprise," observed Nabokov (b. 1899). "I don't see
why death should not be an even greater one." Or Bellow (b. 1915), in the words
of Artur Sammler: "Is God only the gossip of the living? Then we watch these
living speed like birds over the surface of a water, and one will dive or
plunge but not come up again and never be seen any more … But then we have no
proof that there is no depth under the surface. We cannot even say that our
knowledge of death is shallow. There is no knowledge."
Such thoughts still haunt us; but they no longer have the power to dilute the
black ink of oblivion.
My dear Hitch: there has been much wild talk, among the believers, about your
impending embrace of the sacred and the supernatural. This is of course insane.
But I still hope to convert you, by sheer force of zealotry, to my own
persuasion: agnosticism. In your seminal book, God Is Not Great, you put very
little distance between the agnostic and the atheist; and what divides you and
me (to quote Nabokov yet again) is a rut that any frog could straddle. "The
measure of an education," you write elsewhere, "is that you acquire some idea
of the extent of your ignorance." And that's all that "agnosticism" really
means: it is an acknowledgment of ignorance. Such a fractional shift (and I
know you won't make it) would seem to me consonant with your character – with
your acceptance of inconsistencies and contradictions, with your intellectual
romanticism, and with your love of life, which I have come to regard as
superior to my own.
The atheistic position merits an adjective that no one would dream of applying
to you: it is lenten. And agnosticism, I respectfully suggest, is a slightly
more logical and decorous response to our situation – to the indecipherable
grandeur of what is now being (hesitantly) called the multiverse. The science
of cosmology is an awesome construct, while remaining embarrassingly incomplete
and approximate; and over the last 30 years it has garnered little but a
series of humiliations. So when I hear a man declare himself to be an atheist,
I sometimes think of the enterprising termite who, while continuing to go about
his tasks, declares himself to be an individualist. It cannot be altogether
frivolous or wishful to talk of a "higher intelligence" – because the cosmos is
itself a higher intelligence, in the simple sense that we do not and cannot
understand it.
Anyway, we do know what is going to happen to you, and to everyone else who
will ever live on this planet. Your corporeal existence, O Hitch, derives from
the elements released by supernovae, by exploding stars. Stellar fire was your
womb, and stellar fire will be your grave: a just course for one who has always
blazed so very brightly. The parent star, that steady-state H-bomb we call the
sun, will eventually turn from yellow dwarf to red giant, and will swell out
to consume what is left of us, about six billion years from now.
* guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2011
________________________________
From: Mike Findlay <[email protected]>
To: DADL (off topic) <[email protected]>
Sent: Mon, April 25, 2011 4:15:10 PM
Subject: Re: [DADL-OT] nit-pick
I think we should distinguish between this list and writing as a profession or
vocation, which I think most of us do. I've never thought about the make do one
and I'm not sure where I'd have come down on it if I didn't look it up. The
English language does have some strange idiomatic stuff and you could make some
argument about making due making sense in that you were making something for the
time being IOW you were making it due right then and there so I could see myself
making do with make due if I were whipping off a post.
And the souped up vs suped up? Are we so sure one is correct? I know I have
seen sup'ed up but I wouldn't think souped up was necessarily wrong for the
reason Peter suggested. Also you're dealing with cars, (in using that phrase),
and who's to say it wasn't derived from coupe, (being a sportier version of a
sedan), which would explain the ou.
Exit question: It is a bit much to require exacting standards for slang/short
hand phrases?
Mike F.
________________________________
From: Karl Swenson <[email protected]>
To: DADL (off topic) <[email protected]>
Sent: Mon, April 25, 2011 3:57:48 PM
Subject: Re: [DADL-OT] nit-pick
Good one. I never considered it.
I have been really working on my lazy spelling habits, partly because you, my
friends.
I eschew irregardless completely. I am very careful with my “it’s and its”,
“then and than” and “their, there and they’re’. Affect and effect, insure and
ensure and many others.
And I totally avoid texting and email short hand as much as I can, the ur, r, 4
instead of for etc.
From:[email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
Johne Cook
Sent: Monday, April 25, 2011 9:15 AM
To: DADL (off topic)
Subject: Re: [DADL-OT] nit-pick
Interesting commentary here:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=make%20due
I think it's another example of a homophone (and a case of some degree of
illiteracy).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophone
My pet peeve here is 'souped up,' as in I supercharged the engine of a sports
car, which would seem to be 'suped up,' but as people are hearing the word
instead of seeing it, they spell the word they hear and not the correct word. I
understand how it happens, and also understand I'm one of the only people who
seems to make a big stink about this, so I'll let it go. As long as I can
understand what somebody means, I'm fine. (I /guess./)
Johne Cook
| http://raygunrevival.com | http://authorculture.blogspot.com |
On Mon, Apr 25, 2011 at 11:00 AM, Peter T. Chattaway <[email protected]>
wrote:
If American spelling errors are predicated on the notion that one should always
use as few letters as possible ("color" instead of "colour", "see-thru" instead
of "see-through", etc., etc.), then why do I keep seeing the non-existent phrase
"make due" in some people's writing?
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