[proofread] [EN] August Newsletter

Thank you.  Before I get to the proofreading, I have a scheduling
question.  It seems that the custom is to send the monthly newsletter
out for proofreading and translation on Friday.  If I assume that my
English-language proofreading won't be read in Berlin until Monday
morning, that gives me the whole weekend to work on it.  My question
is whether anyone is interested in seeing my proofreading efforts
earlier than Monday morning in Europe (the middle of the night in the
US).

=====

I am attaching a version of the xhtml you attached that reflects my
suggestions for improvements.


1.  "The EC is planning to cut its funding to NGI projects while in
Belgium, the court is supporting end-user’s Router Freedom rights."
As written, this says that what happened in Belgium is that the EU is
planning on the funding cut.  It says nothing about the location of
the court decision.  Two corrections are needed.

(a)  Insert a comma after "projects."

(b)  Remove the comma after "Belgium."

(c)  I suggest replacing "the court is supporting" with "a court has
supported."  There are many courts in Belgium; this court is not the
only one.  My suggestion conforms this summary to the text.

(d)  Replace "end-user’s" with "end-users' ".   The plural form.

2.  "We also submitted feedback on the NIS2 implementation, learnt
about Linqa, a Free Software platform developed with public money and
gathered with volunteers at the Summer Meeting."

(a)  Insert a semicolon after "money."  Not only is this an "Oxford
semicolon" consistent with the usage in this newsletter, but it makes
the structure of the sentence clearer.  (The insertion has to be of a
semicolon, rather than a comma, because this item in the list already
contains a comma.  So the list has to become a semicolon-separated
list.)

(b)  If the suggestion in (a) is followed, replace the comma after
"implementation" with a semicolon.

3.  Table of contents:  "NIS2: Protecting Free Software ecosystem in
implementation"  See my #7, below.  If that suggestion is followed,
the corresponding change should be made here.

4.  "President EU Commission"  I suggest inserting "of the" after
"President."  Isn't that her proper title in English?

5.  "Join us in FrOSCon"  See my #13, below.  If that suggestion is
followed, the corresponding change should be made here.

6.  "Another way is by supporting us with a donation so we can
continue advocating for Software Freedom."  I suggest replacing
"Software Freedom" with "software freedom."  The FSFE custom is to use
initial capitals when the phrase "Free Software" appears in text, but
not to use initial capitals when the phrase "software freedom" appears
in text.

7.  Heading:  "NIS2: Protecting Free Software ecosystem in
implementation"  I suggest inserting "the" before "ecosystem."
English usage, and see the text.

If this suggestion is followed, the corresponding change should be
made in the Table of contents.  See my #3, above.

8.  "Together with NLnet Labs and the Open Source Security Foundation,
the Free Software Foundation Europe (FSFE) submitted feedback on the
NIS2 implementation act, pointing to the need of protecting the
European Free Software ecosystem."

(a)  I suggest replacing "Free Software Foundation Europe (FSFE)" with
"FSFE."  To give the full name of the organization here seems
unnecessary, where the abbreviation has been used earlier and is also
consistently used elsewhere.

(b)  I suggest replacing "implementation act" with "Implementation
Act."  You know EU usage better than I do, but if this is the name of
legislation (and a cursory search suggests that it is) it is customary
to use initial capitals at least for every important word in the name.

(c)  I suggest replacing "of protecting" with "to protect."  "Of
protecting" isn't wrong, but I think that use of the infinitive is
more natural.

9.  "Linqa is a bilingual collaboration platform whose code is Free
Software and developed using public money."  Insert "was" before
developed.  English usage.

10.  "one of the MirageOS core developer"  I suggest replacing
"developer" with "developers."  (If he is the only developer, the
proper correction is to remove "one of.")

11.  "for a weekend full of surprises, talks and workshops"  Insert an
Oxford comma after "talks."

12.  "Once again, we will be this August attending FrOSCon in Sankt
Augustin."  I suggest rewriting as "Once again, this August we will be
attending FrOSCon in Sankt Augustin."  English usage.  (Other
variations are possible.)

13.  Heading:  "Join us in FrOSCon"  I suggest replacing "in" with
"at."  English usage.

If this suggestion is followed, the corresponding change should be
made in the Table of contents.  See my #5, above.

12.  "join them on 16 August!."  Remove the final period [full stop].
(It would be possible to remove the exclamation point instead, but I
assume that the exclamation was a deliberate choice.)


On Fri, Aug 2, 2024 at 9:40 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> August newsletter is ready for your proofread and translation:
>
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1251
>
> you can also find it attached.
>
> As you can see, we are missing a picture that will be added next week
> before sending it. We will send it, if all works, on Tuesday noon.
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
> --
> Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
> Free Software Foundation Europe
> Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
> Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)
> _______________________________________________
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>
> This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
> https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct



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