Re: [proofread] [EN] August Newsletter

Hello Richard,

El 3/8/24 a las 21:00, Richard L. Schmeidler escribió:
> Thank you.  Before I get to the proofreading, I have a scheduling
> question.  It seems that the custom is to send the monthly newsletter
> out for proofreading and translation on Friday.  If I assume that my
> English-language proofreading won't be read in Berlin until Monday
> morning, that gives me the whole weekend to work on it.  My question
> is whether anyone is interested in seeing my proofreading efforts
> earlier than Monday morning in Europe (the middle of the night in the
> US).
Thank you very much for your proofreading!
Your suggestinos are helping me in some cases. Specially in the meaning 
of the senteces. But at the end those  changes may be accepted or not.
For me is ok  if you only point out the most "clear" changes  in the 
weekend. This may be a good starting discussion point.

Libre greetings,

Pablo G
> =====
>
> I am attaching a version of the xhtml you attached that reflects my
> suggestions for improvements.
>
>
> 1.  "The EC is planning to cut its funding to NGI projects while in
> Belgium, the court is supporting end-user’s Router Freedom rights."
> As written, this says that what happened in Belgium is that the EU is
> planning on the funding cut.  It says nothing about the location of
> the court decision.  Two corrections are needed.
>
> (a)  Insert a comma after "projects."
>
> (b)  Remove the comma after "Belgium."
>
> (c)  I suggest replacing "the court is supporting" with "a court has
> supported."  There are many courts in Belgium; this court is not the
> only one.  My suggestion conforms this summary to the text.
>
> (d)  Replace "end-user’s" with "end-users' ".   The plural form.
>
> 2.  "We also submitted feedback on the NIS2 implementation, learnt
> about Linqa, a Free Software platform developed with public money and
> gathered with volunteers at the Summer Meeting."
>
> (a)  Insert a semicolon after "money."  Not only is this an "Oxford
> semicolon" consistent with the usage in this newsletter, but it makes
> the structure of the sentence clearer.  (The insertion has to be of a
> semicolon, rather than a comma, because this item in the list already
> contains a comma.  So the list has to become a semicolon-separated
> list.)
>
> (b)  If the suggestion in (a) is followed, replace the comma after
> "implementation" with a semicolon.
>
> 3.  Table of contents:  "NIS2: Protecting Free Software ecosystem in
> implementation"  See my #7, below.  If that suggestion is followed,
> the corresponding change should be made here.
>
> 4.  "President EU Commission"  I suggest inserting "of the" after
> "President."  Isn't that her proper title in English?
>
> 5.  "Join us in FrOSCon"  See my #13, below.  If that suggestion is
> followed, the corresponding change should be made here.
>
> 6.  "Another way is by supporting us with a donation so we can
> continue advocating for Software Freedom."  I suggest replacing
> "Software Freedom" with "software freedom."  The FSFE custom is to use
> initial capitals when the phrase "Free Software" appears in text, but
> not to use initial capitals when the phrase "software freedom" appears
> in text.
>
> 7.  Heading:  "NIS2: Protecting Free Software ecosystem in
> implementation"  I suggest inserting "the" before "ecosystem."
> English usage, and see the text.
>
> If this suggestion is followed, the corresponding change should be
> made in the Table of contents.  See my #3, above.
>
> 8.  "Together with NLnet Labs and the Open Source Security Foundation,
> the Free Software Foundation Europe (FSFE) submitted feedback on the
> NIS2 implementation act, pointing to the need of protecting the
> European Free Software ecosystem."
>
> (a)  I suggest replacing "Free Software Foundation Europe (FSFE)" with
> "FSFE."  To give the full name of the organization here seems
> unnecessary, where the abbreviation has been used earlier and is also
> consistently used elsewhere.
>
> (b)  I suggest replacing "implementation act" with "Implementation
> Act."  You know EU usage better than I do, but if this is the name of
> legislation (and a cursory search suggests that it is) it is customary
> to use initial capitals at least for every important word in the name.
>
> (c)  I suggest replacing "of protecting" with "to protect."  "Of
> protecting" isn't wrong, but I think that use of the infinitive is
> more natural.
>
> 9.  "Linqa is a bilingual collaboration platform whose code is Free
> Software and developed using public money."  Insert "was" before
> developed.  English usage.
>
> 10.  "one of the MirageOS core developer"  I suggest replacing
> "developer" with "developers."  (If he is the only developer, the
> proper correction is to remove "one of.")
>
> 11.  "for a weekend full of surprises, talks and workshops"  Insert an
> Oxford comma after "talks."
>
> 12.  "Once again, we will be this August attending FrOSCon in Sankt
> Augustin."  I suggest rewriting as "Once again, this August we will be
> attending FrOSCon in Sankt Augustin."  English usage.  (Other
> variations are possible.)
>
> 13.  Heading:  "Join us in FrOSCon"  I suggest replacing "in" with
> "at."  English usage.
>
> If this suggestion is followed, the corresponding change should be
> made in the Table of contents.  See my #5, above.
>
> 12.  "join them on 16 August!."  Remove the final period [full stop].
> (It would be possible to remove the exclamation point instead, but I
> assume that the exclamation was a deliberate choice.)
>
>
> On Fri, Aug 2, 2024 at 9:40 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Dear all,
>>
>> August newsletter is ready for your proofread and translation:
>>
>> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1251
>>
>> you can also find it attached.
>>
>> As you can see, we are missing a picture that will be added next week
>> before sending it. We will send it, if all works, on Tuesday noon.
>>
>> Best,
>>
>> Ana
>>
>> --
>> Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
>> Free Software Foundation Europe
>> Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
>> Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)
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>>
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>
>
> --
> "The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
> determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln
>
> _______________________________________________
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> To unsubscribe send an email to [email protected]
>
> This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
> https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct

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This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
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https://fsfe.org/about/codeofconduct