Re: [URGENT) [proofread] [EN]

I am attaching versions of the xhtml from the two webpreviews that reflect my
suggestions for improvements.


For the press release, "The FSFE demands EU Commission sustainable
long-term Free Software funding"

1.  "In the wake of the recent €27 million cut in the NGI funding, the
Free Software Foundation Europe (FSFE) is responding to growing
society concern by participating in a public consultation of the
European Commission."  I suggest either omitting "society" or
replacing "society concern" with "concern in society."  To say
"society concern" seems to me to be strange English usage.  Omitting
"society" solves the usage problem by omitting the rather vague
assertion that society is concerned and leaving unstated who is
concerned.  If you want to retain the idea that society is concerned,
I suggest changing the word order.

2.  "Amidst the European Commission's unclear stance on future
funding, the FSFE has participated in the public consultation pushing
to ensure that Free Software solutions receive the necessary long-term
funding."

(a)  I suggest replacing "Amidst" with "In response to."  Amidst means
"in the middle of."  I find it hard to see how anyone who observes how
someone else is standing can be in the middle of that stance.

(b)  I suggest inserting a comma after "consultation."

3.  ' “The EU’s digital strategy can only reach its full potential if
it systematically focuses on Free Software” Alexander Sander, FSFE
senior policy consultant emphasized.'

(a)  Insert a comma after "Software."  Separate the quotation from the
name of the source.

(b)  Insert a comma after "consultant."  The title should be
surrounded by commas.


For the news item, "Bring Back Free Software Funding: Give Your
Feedback to the European Commission"

4.  "A few weeks ago the European Commission made the decision to stop
funding the Next Generation Internet initiative (NGI) in its then
current draft for the Horizon Europe 2025 Work Programme,"  Replace
the comma at the end of this sentence with a period (full stop).

5.  "This decision results in a loss of €27 million for Software
Freedom."  Replace "Software Freedom" with "software freedom."  The
general FSFE usage is to capitalize "Free Software" but not "software
freedom."  See examples of both usages in the first paragraph of this
news item and elsewhere in this paragraph.

6.  "a more open, independent and accessible internet"  Insert an
Oxford comma after "independent."

7.  "Cutting funding for Free Software threatens to undermine this
progress and potentially pushing Europe away from policies"

(a)  I suggest removing "potentially."  The idea of potentiality is
already fully expressed by saying that this is a threat.

(b)  Replace "pushing" with "push" to be consistent with "undermine."

8.  "That is why we demand that the €27 million for 2025 to be back as
well as secured, sustainable long-term funding for Free Software."

(a)  Remove "to."  The sentence is grammatically correct without this word.

(b)  Insert "brought" after be.  The demand is, in my view, rather
that something be done (bringing back) rather than that the funding
simply appear.

(c)  I suggest inserting "demanding" after "as."  The two demands are
somewhat different.  One demand is for immediate action, the other for
a change in policy in the future.  So I think that it is good to
phrase this as two separate demands.

9.  Heading:  "How to Take Action?"  I suggest removing the question
mark.  Yes, this section can be phrased as a question, but I think
that it is better phrased as an answer.

10.  "Participating is simple and it doesn’t take too long ."  Remove
the space between "long" and the period (full stop) that follows it.

11.  "However, one of the biggest challenges we still face today is
the vendor lock in and a lack of interoperability."

(a)  I suggest replacing "one of the biggest challenges we still face
today is" with "among the biggest challenges we still face today are."
 It seems to me that there are two (related) challenges listed, rather
than just one.

(b)  Remove the second occurrence of "the" (before "vendor").  English usage.

12.  We strongly advise to prioritise the use and distribution of Free
Software as well as providing financial support to relevant projects
and the Free Software ecosystem.  I suggest replacing "to prioritise"
with "prioritising" to be grammatically parallel to "providing."

13.  "focusing on independence, resilience, control, security and
sovereignty"  Insert an Oxford comma after "security."

14.  "better and more secure software, tailored to their needs but
also"  Insert a comma after "needs" joining with the comma after
"software" to surround the phrase.

15.  "The Digital Europe Programme could only unfold its full
potential"  I suggest replacing "could" with "can."  This looks
forward, rather than backward.

16.  "the EU can assure that tax's payers money"  Replace "tax's
payers" with "taxpayers' ".  (Possessive plural.)

17.  "An open and interoperable digital public sector, is critical for
addressing"  Remove the comma after "sector."  It is a good general
rule that it is wrong to have just a single comma between the subject
and verb of a sentence.  (A pair of commas is common, and sometimes
there will be three or more.  But not just one.)

18.  "which strengthens our common argument for sustainable funding
for Free Software demonstrating that this demand comes from an engaged
community"  I suggest inserting "while" before "demonstrating."  The
unstated point here is that simple copying of a provided text can make
even massive quantities of submissions unpersuasive.

19.  "If you should successfully submit a response"  I suggest
removing "should."  While "should" is grammatically correct, the
sentence is much stronger without it.


On Tue, Sep 10, 2024 at 11:10 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> we want to send tomorrow (wed Sep 11) before 11 am the following PR and news item:
>
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1274
>
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1273
>
> I know it is a last minute thing but it would be great if you could help with its translation.
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
> _______________________________________________
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-- 
"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

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