Re: [need proofread] Ada video subtitles EN

Thanks Richard, I went through your suggestions and will continue with 
them once you send the rest.

As you noticed, the movie script differs a bit from the book as it was 
adapted a bit to have at the same time the voice and the images.


On 10/14/24 07:18, Richard L. Schmeidler wrote:
> Here are my comments on the subtitles files you sent.  I am attaching
> a version reflecting my suggestions, up through subtitle 297, but
> without the other issues I found beyond it.  I have saved it as a
> LibreOffice .odt file, to get the benefits of the Track Software
> feature.  I have made no changes to the timing information, just the
> texts of the subtitles.
>
> I have watched and listened to (and enjoyed) the English version of
> the movie.  I have attempted to identify all the places where what I
> hear does not agree with what I read in the subtitles file.  I have
> also proofread the subtitles file, in the sense of checking it for
> errors in spelling or punctuation.  I have not proofread the timings
> in the subtitles files, nor compared them to the timing of the movie.
>
> I am very impressed with the skill of the narration.  In particular,
> in narration like this, the speaker will put in a great many pauses,
> many more than there are commas or other that requires pauses.  I am
> not noting these, even when they sound long enough that I am somewhat
> surprised not to see punctuation as I read the subtitles file while I
> listen.  (An example is between subtitles 18 and 19.)  I am also not
> noting when sentences are split between subtitle items (even if this
> is done where there is no pause).  However, when this is done I
> sometimes suggest changes to the punctuation in the subtitles file
> between the two halves of the sentence.
>
> I have not proofread the subtitles file in the sense of comparing the
> text of the subtitles with that of the printed book.  I can do this
> for you, if you wish.  However, I have consulted the printed book
> extensively, for its guidance on the English text.  In so doing,
> sometimes I have noticed discrepancies between the printed book and
> the subtitles file.  When the subtitles file agrees with the spoken
> text, I have not reported this as an error, since the subtitles file
> is a correct transcription of the narration.  (Sometimes, as in 109
> and 116-118, the variation between the subtitles file and the printed
> text may actually be an improvement.)  If, however, I believe that I
> have found an instance in which the printed text is correct and that
> both the subtitles file and the spoken text present a problem in their
> use of English, I will note this discrepancy, but I leave it up to you
> whether anything should be done about it.  My suggestions #6, #8, and
> #9(b) are examples of this phenomenon.
>
> When I refer to quotation marks, they are always double quotation marks.
>
>
> 1.  1.  Ada and Zangemann, a tale of software, skateboards, and
> raspberry ice cream. -  I suggest replacing the first comma with a
> colon.  The customary punctuation in English between a title and a
> subtitle is a colon.  (Of course, there is no distinction in spoken
> text.)
>
> 2.  16:  When he was young, computers were a huge machine.
>       17:  He had huge machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans.
>
> I have concerns with both the grammar and the content.  However, when
> I listen to the movie, I hear something quite different, a single
> sentence that clearly says "When he was young, computers were huge
> machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans."  This, of course,
> makes sense.  (It also happens to agree -- with only minor variation
> -- with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
> should be corrected.
>
> 3.  29.  After that, he built a cleaning robot and a block sorting
> machine so that his room would - To hear "he built" (when describing
> his daydreams, not his actual accomplishments) seemed so strange that
> I checked the printed text on page 6.  It has "he'd build."  Since the
> subtitles file agrees with the spoken version, it should not be
> changed.  But this is strange.  It is too bad that the spoken version
> has been published.
>
> 4.  31:  Zangemann had great new ideas.
>       32:  He did things like these every day.
>
> There is nothing wrong with these grammatically.  However, when I
> listen to the movie I hear something quite different, a single
> sentence that clearly says "Zangemann had great new ideas like these
> every day."  This, of course, makes sense.  (It also happens to agree
> exactly with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
> should be corrected.
>
> 5.  37:  Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things.
>       38:  Zangemann exclaimed.
>
> In ordinary text, quotation marks would be used.  In this subtitles
> file, when the narrator is speaking, I think that it would be
> permissible not to have quotation marks.  In a similar situation,
> however, quotation marks appear in 97.  (Quotation marks also appear
> in the printed book on page 8.)  I therefore suggest that the two
> sentences be combined (though the subtitles need not be), and
> quotation marks be added:
>
> 37:  "Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things",
> 38:  Zangemann exclaimed.
>
> 6.  66:  And while there was an internet at the junkyard, she could
> get access somewhere else. - The subtitles file agrees with the spoken
> text, but it doesn't make sense.  The printed book on page 9 has
> "there wasn't internet at the junkyard."  This does make sense.  I am
> not sure what you want to do about this.
>
> 7.  69:  Because everyone bought his inventions.
>       70:  Zangemann soon became the real Zangemann.
>       71:  The richest person in the whole world.
>
> The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make
> much sense.  There is a punctuation error (the period [full stop]
> should be a comma), as well as confusion of meaning.  The printed text
> on page 10 has "Because everyone bought his inventions, Zangemann soon
> became the richest person in the whole world."  This does make sense.
> I am not sure what you want to do about this.
>
> 8.  73.  set up in the largest room of his mansion. - The subtitles
> file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The
> printed text on page 10 has "set it up in the largest room of his
> mansion."  This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do
> about this.
>
> 9.  75.  All he had to do was press the proper key on the golden computer.
>       76:  And immediately all the ice cream machines in town would dispense.
>       77:  He made only vanilla ice cream.
>
> (a)  I have noticed a minor discrepancy in punctuation.  In the
> subtitles file, 76 is a separate sentence.   However, in the printed
> text, it is a continuation of the previous sentence. In the spoken
> version, it is hard to tell whether this is one sentence or two, but
> grammatically having it be one sentence is preferable.  I suggest
> changing the punctuation at the end of 75 to a comma and replacing
> "And" in 76 with "and."
>
> (b)  The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't
> make much sense.  The printed book on page 10 has "and immediately all
> the ice cream machines in town would dispense only vanilla ice cream."
>   This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do about this.
>
> 10.  79:  If they gave the order for lemon ice cream, the machines
> made only lemon ice cream. -  I suggest replacing "they" with "he."
> It is hard to tell whether the spoken text says "If they gave" or "If
> he gave," but I think that it does say "If he gave."  That is
> certainly what makes sense (which the subtitles file does not), and it
> agrees with page 10 of the printed book.
>
> 11.  80:  Zangemann loved his inventions and was always thrilled at
> how amazingly well his machines were. -  The subtitles file agrees
> with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The printed
> text on page 11 ends with "worked" rather than "were."  I am not sure
> what you want to do about this.
>
> 12.  86:  Again and again, he looked down on the city through a long telescope.
>         87:  Observing how reliably his inventions carried out his commands.
>
> This is two sentences in the subtitles file, but grammatically it
> should only be one sentence (as it is in the printed book on page 11).
> It sounds to me more like one sentence than two.  I suggest making
> this a single sentence in the subtitles file, with a comma after
> "telescope."
>
> 13.  91:  He invented light bulbs that turned on and off at the snap
> of a finger.
>         92:  And cars that told you where the nearest grocery store was.
>
> This is two sentences in the subtitles file, and this is permissible,
> although many people disapprove of it grammatically.  Since it is only
> one sentence on page 12 of the printed book (without any internal
> punctuation at all), I suggest removing the punctuation at the end of
> 91 and replacing "And" in 92 with "and."
>
> 14.  100:  Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
>         101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't
> quite as useful as the first ones, Zangemann pondered.
>
> In the printed book on page 14, these are two sentences, with an
> opening quotation mark before "Maybe" and a closing quotation mark
> after "ones", an ellipsis, and a comma.  I suggest that in the
> subtitles file there still be two items, each a separate sentence, but
> that the text in the subtitles file match the printed book in its
> punctuation:
>
> 100:  "Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
> 101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't quite as
> useful as the first ones . . . ," Zangemann pondered.
>
> 15.  102:  But my ice cream machines are and will remain.
>         103:  Second to none, he thought immediately afterward.
>         104:  And not without pride, as he passed a group of people all
> eating coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.
>
> In the subtitles file, these are three separate sentences, with an
> internal comma in 103 and two internal commas in 104.  In the printed
> book on page 14, these are all one sentence, with an opening quotation
> mark before "But" and a closing quotation mark after the comma after
> "none".  The internal commas appear just as they do in the subtitles
> file.  There is no punctuation at all between the texts of 102 and
> 103, but there is a comma after "afterward."  There is no audible
> pause whatsoever between 102 and 103, but there is a pause between 103
> and 104.  I suggest that in the subtitles file there still be three
> items, but that the text in the subtitles file be one sentence that
> matches the printed book:
>
> 102:  "But my ice cream machines are and will remain
> 103:  second to none," he thought immediately afterward,
> 104:  and not without pride, as he passed a group of people all eating
> coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.
>
> 16.  124:  From there, he gave all the little computers in his
> skateboards a command
>
> (a)  I am finding it hard to tell whether the narrator is slurring
> together the phrase "all of the" before "computers," or whether what I
> am hearing is a slightly stretched version of "all" (which certainly
> makes sense in this context).  [In my New York accent, it is natural
> in speech for me to say "allfthe", with the voiced consonants L, V
> (the voiced version of F), and the voiced TH all run together without
> any clear intervening vowels.  My mouth wriggles, but there is no real
> vowel there between the A of "all" and the "UH" of "the."]   Because
> of my uncertainty, I am not suggesting changing this in the subtitles
> file.  When you listen to this, you might decide to insert "of" in the
> subtitles file.
>
> (b)  I suggest replacing "his" with "the" in the subtitles file. It is
> hard to tell which the narrator says, but I think that it is "the".
> This makes more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.
>
> 17.  126:  He ordered the small computers and the speakers to play
> music only at a low volume, - I suggest replacing "and the speakers"
> with "in the speakers" in the subtitles file. It is hard to tell which
> the narrator says, but I think that it is "in".  This certainly makes
> more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.
>
> 18.  162:  Hardware was a word for something Ada already knew.
>         163:  The electronic devices she tinkered with after school,
>         164:   or those devices she could hold in her hands and try to fix,
>         165:   or make into something else.
>
> In the printed book on page 20, the text in 162 ends with a colon;
> these four items are all one sentence.  Also, there is no comma after
> "fix" in 164.  I suggest that these four items be corrected to conform
> to the text in the book.  None of these changes would affect the
> pronunciation.
>
> 19.  167:  Ada learned that it meant instructions that ran on a
> computer - Replace "Ada" with "She soon."  The spoken text has "She
> soon" instead of "Ada."  (So does the printed book, on page 20.)  The
> subtitles file should be changed to conform.
>
> 20.  214, 221, 226.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
> "Zangaman."  These must be corrected.
>
> 21. 216-220.  In the book, on page 25, this passage is a quotation.
> In the subtitle file, it is just text.  In the spoken text, it sounds
> to me as though the narrator is making this sound like a quotation
> from Zangemann, so that there should be a quotation mark at the
> beginning of 216 and another at the end of 220.  But this is surely
> not a necessary correction.
>
> 22.  254:  After falling on her bottom for the 100th time, - I suggest
> replacing "100th" in the subtitles file with "hundredth."   The spoken
> word is "hundredth," for which "100th" is an abbreviated form
> sometimes used in writing, but page 26 of the printed book uses the
> longer form I recommend.  (In speech, "100th" is often rendered as
> "one-hundredth," much as "200th" is rendered as "two-hundredth.")
>
> 23.  289:  But that can be changed.  This is the end of a speech by
> Ada that began in 284.  Add a quotation mark at the end.
>
> 24.  297:   that his parents had bought from Zangerman. - "Zangemann"
> is misspelled as "Zangerman."  This must be corrected.
>
> =====
>
> At this point, I started looking ahead at the file you had sent.
>
> One thing that I found was a flock of additional misspellings:  355,
> 359, 380, 386, 395, 397, 402, 404, 405, 515, 525, 538, 554, 565, 576,
> 579, 593, 637.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
> "Zangeman."  These must be corrected.
>
> There may be additional misspellings of the name Zangemann, that I may
> not have found yet.  What are the other names to check to which you
> refer?  The other children's?
>
> And then, close to the end, I found what appears to be garbage in
> 640-650 (together with an amusing misreading in 658!)
>
> =====
>
> It's time for me to stop for the day, having put in more than a full
> day's work on this, even though I am less than halfway through the
> subtitles.
>
>
> On Wed, Oct 9, 2024 at 5:45 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Dear all,
>>
>> attached the subtitles for the Ada video that we have just released.  It
>> would be great if you could proofread it while we also check that all
>> the names are spelt correctly.
>>
>> For the rest of the languages, let's wait as I think we have a way to
>> get a really raw version that we can then edit and proofread (for the
>> ones we have the voice over). For the rest, we can work with this file.
>>
>> so please, let's focus for the moment on the EN version.
>>
>> Best,
>>
>> Ana
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>
> --
> "The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
> determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

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