Re: [need proofread] Ada video subtitles EN

When I got back to work, it seems that the file I sent last night did
not have my suggestions entered correctly.  I am very sorry.

When I send my next batch of suggestions (which may or not go to the
end of the subtitles file -- I have a lot of work still to do) I shall
try to send a better version with all of my suggestions.

On Mon, Oct 14, 2024 at 11:27 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Thanks Richard, I went through your suggestions and will continue with
> them once you send the rest.
>
> As you noticed, the movie script differs a bit from the book as it was
> adapted a bit to have at the same time the voice and the images.
>
>
> On 10/14/24 07:18, Richard L. Schmeidler wrote:
> > Here are my comments on the subtitles files you sent.  I am attaching
> > a version reflecting my suggestions, up through subtitle 297, but
> > without the other issues I found beyond it.  I have saved it as a
> > LibreOffice .odt file, to get the benefits of the Track Software
> > feature.  I have made no changes to the timing information, just the
> > texts of the subtitles.
> >
> > I have watched and listened to (and enjoyed) the English version of
> > the movie.  I have attempted to identify all the places where what I
> > hear does not agree with what I read in the subtitles file.  I have
> > also proofread the subtitles file, in the sense of checking it for
> > errors in spelling or punctuation.  I have not proofread the timings
> > in the subtitles files, nor compared them to the timing of the movie.
> >
> > I am very impressed with the skill of the narration.  In particular,
> > in narration like this, the speaker will put in a great many pauses,
> > many more than there are commas or other that requires pauses.  I am
> > not noting these, even when they sound long enough that I am somewhat
> > surprised not to see punctuation as I read the subtitles file while I
> > listen.  (An example is between subtitles 18 and 19.)  I am also not
> > noting when sentences are split between subtitle items (even if this
> > is done where there is no pause).  However, when this is done I
> > sometimes suggest changes to the punctuation in the subtitles file
> > between the two halves of the sentence.
> >
> > I have not proofread the subtitles file in the sense of comparing the
> > text of the subtitles with that of the printed book.  I can do this
> > for you, if you wish.  However, I have consulted the printed book
> > extensively, for its guidance on the English text.  In so doing,
> > sometimes I have noticed discrepancies between the printed book and
> > the subtitles file.  When the subtitles file agrees with the spoken
> > text, I have not reported this as an error, since the subtitles file
> > is a correct transcription of the narration.  (Sometimes, as in 109
> > and 116-118, the variation between the subtitles file and the printed
> > text may actually be an improvement.)  If, however, I believe that I
> > have found an instance in which the printed text is correct and that
> > both the subtitles file and the spoken text present a problem in their
> > use of English, I will note this discrepancy, but I leave it up to you
> > whether anything should be done about it.  My suggestions #6, #8, and
> > #9(b) are examples of this phenomenon.
> >
> > When I refer to quotation marks, they are always double quotation marks.
> >
> >
> > 1.  1.  Ada and Zangemann, a tale of software, skateboards, and
> > raspberry ice cream. -  I suggest replacing the first comma with a
> > colon.  The customary punctuation in English between a title and a
> > subtitle is a colon.  (Of course, there is no distinction in spoken
> > text.)
> >
> > 2.  16:  When he was young, computers were a huge machine.
> >       17:  He had huge machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans.
> >
> > I have concerns with both the grammar and the content.  However, when
> > I listen to the movie, I hear something quite different, a single
> > sentence that clearly says "When he was young, computers were huge
> > machines with lots of cables and loud noisy fans."  This, of course,
> > makes sense.  (It also happens to agree -- with only minor variation
> > -- with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
> > should be corrected.
> >
> > 3.  29.  After that, he built a cleaning robot and a block sorting
> > machine so that his room would - To hear "he built" (when describing
> > his daydreams, not his actual accomplishments) seemed so strange that
> > I checked the printed text on page 6.  It has "he'd build."  Since the
> > subtitles file agrees with the spoken version, it should not be
> > changed.  But this is strange.  It is too bad that the spoken version
> > has been published.
> >
> > 4.  31:  Zangemann had great new ideas.
> >       32:  He did things like these every day.
> >
> > There is nothing wrong with these grammatically.  However, when I
> > listen to the movie I hear something quite different, a single
> > sentence that clearly says "Zangemann had great new ideas like these
> > every day."  This, of course, makes sense.  (It also happens to agree
> > exactly with the printed English text on page 6.)  The subtitles file
> > should be corrected.
> >
> > 5.  37:  Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things.
> >       38:  Zangemann exclaimed.
> >
> > In ordinary text, quotation marks would be used.  In this subtitles
> > file, when the narrator is speaking, I think that it would be
> > permissible not to have quotation marks.  In a similar situation,
> > however, quotation marks appear in 97.  (Quotation marks also appear
> > in the printed book on page 8.)  I therefore suggest that the two
> > sentences be combined (though the subtitles need not be), and
> > quotation marks be added:
> >
> > 37:  "Finally, I can turn all my ideas into real things",
> > 38:  Zangemann exclaimed.
> >
> > 6.  66:  And while there was an internet at the junkyard, she could
> > get access somewhere else. - The subtitles file agrees with the spoken
> > text, but it doesn't make sense.  The printed book on page 9 has
> > "there wasn't internet at the junkyard."  This does make sense.  I am
> > not sure what you want to do about this.
> >
> > 7.  69:  Because everyone bought his inventions.
> >       70:  Zangemann soon became the real Zangemann.
> >       71:  The richest person in the whole world.
> >
> > The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make
> > much sense.  There is a punctuation error (the period [full stop]
> > should be a comma), as well as confusion of meaning.  The printed text
> > on page 10 has "Because everyone bought his inventions, Zangemann soon
> > became the richest person in the whole world."  This does make sense.
> > I am not sure what you want to do about this.
> >
> > 8.  73.  set up in the largest room of his mansion. - The subtitles
> > file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The
> > printed text on page 10 has "set it up in the largest room of his
> > mansion."  This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do
> > about this.
> >
> > 9.  75.  All he had to do was press the proper key on the golden computer.
> >       76:  And immediately all the ice cream machines in town would dispense.
> >       77:  He made only vanilla ice cream.
> >
> > (a)  I have noticed a minor discrepancy in punctuation.  In the
> > subtitles file, 76 is a separate sentence.   However, in the printed
> > text, it is a continuation of the previous sentence. In the spoken
> > version, it is hard to tell whether this is one sentence or two, but
> > grammatically having it be one sentence is preferable.  I suggest
> > changing the punctuation at the end of 75 to a comma and replacing
> > "And" in 76 with "and."
> >
> > (b)  The subtitles file agrees with the spoken text, but it doesn't
> > make much sense.  The printed book on page 10 has "and immediately all
> > the ice cream machines in town would dispense only vanilla ice cream."
> >   This does make sense.  I am not sure what you want to do about this.
> >
> > 10.  79:  If they gave the order for lemon ice cream, the machines
> > made only lemon ice cream. -  I suggest replacing "they" with "he."
> > It is hard to tell whether the spoken text says "If they gave" or "If
> > he gave," but I think that it does say "If he gave."  That is
> > certainly what makes sense (which the subtitles file does not), and it
> > agrees with page 10 of the printed book.
> >
> > 11.  80:  Zangemann loved his inventions and was always thrilled at
> > how amazingly well his machines were. -  The subtitles file agrees
> > with the spoken text, but it doesn't make much sense.  The printed
> > text on page 11 ends with "worked" rather than "were."  I am not sure
> > what you want to do about this.
> >
> > 12.  86:  Again and again, he looked down on the city through a long telescope.
> >         87:  Observing how reliably his inventions carried out his commands.
> >
> > This is two sentences in the subtitles file, but grammatically it
> > should only be one sentence (as it is in the printed book on page 11).
> > It sounds to me more like one sentence than two.  I suggest making
> > this a single sentence in the subtitles file, with a comma after
> > "telescope."
> >
> > 13.  91:  He invented light bulbs that turned on and off at the snap
> > of a finger.
> >         92:  And cars that told you where the nearest grocery store was.
> >
> > This is two sentences in the subtitles file, and this is permissible,
> > although many people disapprove of it grammatically.  Since it is only
> > one sentence on page 12 of the printed book (without any internal
> > punctuation at all), I suggest removing the punctuation at the end of
> > 91 and replacing "And" in 92 with "and."
> >
> > 14.  100:  Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
> >         101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't
> > quite as useful as the first ones, Zangemann pondered.
> >
> > In the printed book on page 14, these are two sentences, with an
> > opening quotation mark before "Maybe" and a closing quotation mark
> > after "ones", an ellipsis, and a comma.  I suggest that in the
> > subtitles file there still be two items, each a separate sentence, but
> > that the text in the subtitles file match the printed book in its
> > punctuation:
> >
> > 100:  "Maybe a little trip might even give me a few new ideas.
> > 101:  If I'm completely honest, my last inventions weren't quite as
> > useful as the first ones . . . ," Zangemann pondered.
> >
> > 15.  102:  But my ice cream machines are and will remain.
> >         103:  Second to none, he thought immediately afterward.
> >         104:  And not without pride, as he passed a group of people all
> > eating coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.
> >
> > In the subtitles file, these are three separate sentences, with an
> > internal comma in 103 and two internal commas in 104.  In the printed
> > book on page 14, these are all one sentence, with an opening quotation
> > mark before "But" and a closing quotation mark after the comma after
> > "none".  The internal commas appear just as they do in the subtitles
> > file.  There is no punctuation at all between the texts of 102 and
> > 103, but there is a comma after "afterward."  There is no audible
> > pause whatsoever between 102 and 103, but there is a pause between 103
> > and 104.  I suggest that in the subtitles file there still be three
> > items, but that the text in the subtitles file be one sentence that
> > matches the printed book:
> >
> > 102:  "But my ice cream machines are and will remain
> > 103:  second to none," he thought immediately afterward,
> > 104:  and not without pride, as he passed a group of people all eating
> > coconut ice cream, the flavor of the day.
> >
> > 16.  124:  From there, he gave all the little computers in his
> > skateboards a command
> >
> > (a)  I am finding it hard to tell whether the narrator is slurring
> > together the phrase "all of the" before "computers," or whether what I
> > am hearing is a slightly stretched version of "all" (which certainly
> > makes sense in this context).  [In my New York accent, it is natural
> > in speech for me to say "allfthe", with the voiced consonants L, V
> > (the voiced version of F), and the voiced TH all run together without
> > any clear intervening vowels.  My mouth wriggles, but there is no real
> > vowel there between the A of "all" and the "UH" of "the."]   Because
> > of my uncertainty, I am not suggesting changing this in the subtitles
> > file.  When you listen to this, you might decide to insert "of" in the
> > subtitles file.
> >
> > (b)  I suggest replacing "his" with "the" in the subtitles file. It is
> > hard to tell which the narrator says, but I think that it is "the".
> > This makes more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.
> >
> > 17.  126:  He ordered the small computers and the speakers to play
> > music only at a low volume, - I suggest replacing "and the speakers"
> > with "in the speakers" in the subtitles file. It is hard to tell which
> > the narrator says, but I think that it is "in".  This certainly makes
> > more sense, and it agrees with page 16 in the printed book.
> >
> > 18.  162:  Hardware was a word for something Ada already knew.
> >         163:  The electronic devices she tinkered with after school,
> >         164:   or those devices she could hold in her hands and try to fix,
> >         165:   or make into something else.
> >
> > In the printed book on page 20, the text in 162 ends with a colon;
> > these four items are all one sentence.  Also, there is no comma after
> > "fix" in 164.  I suggest that these four items be corrected to conform
> > to the text in the book.  None of these changes would affect the
> > pronunciation.
> >
> > 19.  167:  Ada learned that it meant instructions that ran on a
> > computer - Replace "Ada" with "She soon."  The spoken text has "She
> > soon" instead of "Ada."  (So does the printed book, on page 20.)  The
> > subtitles file should be changed to conform.
> >
> > 20.  214, 221, 226.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
> > "Zangaman."  These must be corrected.
> >
> > 21. 216-220.  In the book, on page 25, this passage is a quotation.
> > In the subtitle file, it is just text.  In the spoken text, it sounds
> > to me as though the narrator is making this sound like a quotation
> > from Zangemann, so that there should be a quotation mark at the
> > beginning of 216 and another at the end of 220.  But this is surely
> > not a necessary correction.
> >
> > 22.  254:  After falling on her bottom for the 100th time, - I suggest
> > replacing "100th" in the subtitles file with "hundredth."   The spoken
> > word is "hundredth," for which "100th" is an abbreviated form
> > sometimes used in writing, but page 26 of the printed book uses the
> > longer form I recommend.  (In speech, "100th" is often rendered as
> > "one-hundredth," much as "200th" is rendered as "two-hundredth.")
> >
> > 23.  289:  But that can be changed.  This is the end of a speech by
> > Ada that began in 284.  Add a quotation mark at the end.
> >
> > 24.  297:   that his parents had bought from Zangerman. - "Zangemann"
> > is misspelled as "Zangerman."  This must be corrected.
> >
> > =====
> >
> > At this point, I started looking ahead at the file you had sent.
> >
> > One thing that I found was a flock of additional misspellings:  355,
> > 359, 380, 386, 395, 397, 402, 404, 405, 515, 525, 538, 554, 565, 576,
> > 579, 593, 637.  In each of these, "Zangemann" is misspelled as
> > "Zangeman."  These must be corrected.
> >
> > There may be additional misspellings of the name Zangemann, that I may
> > not have found yet.  What are the other names to check to which you
> > refer?  The other children's?
> >
> > And then, close to the end, I found what appears to be garbage in
> > 640-650 (together with an amusing misreading in 658!)
> >
> > =====
> >
> > It's time for me to stop for the day, having put in more than a full
> > day's work on this, even though I am less than halfway through the
> > subtitles.
> >
> >
> > On Wed, Oct 9, 2024 at 5:45 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
> >> Dear all,
> >>
> >> attached the subtitles for the Ada video that we have just released.  It
> >> would be great if you could proofread it while we also check that all
> >> the names are spelt correctly.
> >>
> >> For the rest of the languages, let's wait as I think we have a way to
> >> get a really raw version that we can then edit and proofread (for the
> >> ones we have the voice over). For the rest, we can work with this file.
> >>
> >> so please, let's focus for the moment on the EN version.
> >>
> >> Best,
> >>
> >> Ana
> >> _______________________________________________
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> >>
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> >> participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
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> >
> >
> > --
> > "The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to
> > determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln
>
> --
> Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
> Free Software Foundation Europe
> Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
> Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)
>


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