Re: [needs translation & proofread] December newsletter

Thanks Richard!

I checked your suggestions and updated them in the webpreview.

One small thing - we put "Open Source" like that as we talk about Free 
Software but as this is an official hearing and they use those words, we 
put them in quotation marks.

Best,

Ana

On 12/2/24 06:10, Richard L. Schmeidler wrote:
> Continuing from where I left off.  I am sending a newer version of the 
> xhtml file.
>
> 7.  (Heading)  'German Bundestag hearing on “Open Source" '  As 
> previously noted in my #2, I suggest removing the quotation marks.
>
> 8.  "the hearing on ‘Open Source’ at the German parliament in 
> Berlin."  As previously noted in my #2, and now in my #7, above, I 
> suggest removing the quotation marks.  These are single quotation 
> marks, rather than the double quotation marks previously discussed.
>
> 9.  "Results show its success"  I suggest replacing "its success" with 
> "the success of the call."  "Its success" is ambiguous.  It might mean 
> that the call was a success, or that the FSFE was successful in 
> obtaining long-term sustainable funding for Free Software (which is 
> unfortunately not yet the case).
>
> 10.  "Nearly 800 answers were received, —an unusually high number for 
> such consultations."  Several variations of treatment are equally good.
>
> (a)  Either the comma or the dash should be removed.  Both serve as 
> interruptions to the flow of the sentence, so it is neither necessary 
> nor desirable to have both.  The dash is less common, and therefore 
> more emphatic, so I retain it in my version.
>
> (b)  If the comma is removed but the space before the dash is 
> retained, insert a space after the dash, to match the space before 
> it.  This is what I have done in my version.  (It is also possible -- 
> customary in printed matter -- to have a dash without spaces on either 
> side.)
>
> 11.  "On SFP 26, we focus on the 27 million euros cut of funding of 
> the Next Generation Internet initiative (known as NGI)."  Replace "of" 
> (before "funding") with "from."  English usage.  (This was #1(a) in my 
> message about proofreading of the announcement of the SFP.)
>
> 12.  "REUSE provides all the tools and documentation that developers 
> need to apply standards-compliant and comprehensive licensing 
> information to their projects, without needing to be a legal expert."  
> Replace "a legal expert" with "legal experts."  If more than one 
> developer is involved, this would generally mean more than one person 
> needing legal expertise. (Of course, the sentence could be recast to 
> refer to a single developer.  To do so would be equally good, but a 
> little more complicated.)
>
> 13.  "the biggest cinema in Germany.Check out some"  Insert a space 
> after the period [full stop] after "Germany".
>
> 14.  "The movie is now available, together with the English version, 
> in ada.fsfe.org/movie 
> <https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/ada.fsfe.org/movie>."  I suggest 
> replacing the link with 
> https://media.fsfe.org/w/aw4EHJYVBSQGHPS22xXBG2 . I have trouble with 
> the original link (both in the webpreview and in my browser), but I 
> have found a URL that seems to work.  (There seems also to be a 
> YouTube link, but I have not tried it.)  I found a useful website page 
> at https://fsfe.org/activities/ada-zangemann/movie.en.html
>
> 15.   "This month we have also released, hanks to our Italian 
> volunteers"  Replace "hanks" with "thanks."
>
> 16.  'The story of Ada also was promoted in the <a href="">Autumn 
> edition (number 23)</a> of the Evangelic parents magazine "Zehn14".'
>
> (a)  I am not a proofreader of markup languages, but of English, but 
> it seems to me that a URL is missing in between the double quotation 
> marks in
> '<a href="">'.  Certainly the link in the webpreview is not working.  
> I have not supplied a URL.
>
> (b)  Replace "Evangelic" with "Evangelical."  English usage.  (The 
> capitalization is correct, but "Evangelical" is the usual adjective.)
>
> (c)  Replace "parents" with "parents' ".  The possessive plural is 
> appropriate here, not the simple plural.  I think that this is a 
> magazine for the parents.
>
> 17.  "with really nice and cool merchandising such as our new Ada 
> cookie cutters"  I suggest replacing "merchandising" with 
> "merchandise."  The sentence is grammatical and quite meaningful as it 
> stands, but I do not think that you intend to say what it means.  
> "Merchandising" means promoting the sale of goods.  I think that you 
> are referring to the cookie cutters as being "nice and cool," rather 
> than bragging at the FSFE's cleverness in promoting itself in this 
> way.  If I am wrong, of course do not use this suggestion.
>
> 18.  alt caption "Matthias Kirschner with Raphael Barbieri posing in 
> SFSCON main room full of attendees"
>
> (a)  Insert "the" before "SFSCON."  English usage.
>
> (b)  I do not understand the inconsistency between having a photograph 
> appear with a detailed caption (see my #20, below) and having no 
> caption at all, but an "alt" text visible to the reader who causes the 
> cursor to hover over the image (as here).  Since there seems to be a 
> consistent inconsistency, I do not feel any need as a proofreader to 
> understand the reasoning behind the choices.  I am making no 
> suggestion for a caption here.
>
> 19. "and introduction to the fediverse...and more."  Insert spaces 
> before and after the ellipsis (i.e. after "fediverse" and before "and").
>
> 20.  There is an image of a man examining FSFE merchandise on a table.
>
> (a)  An extensive caption explains the picture, but there is no text 
> about the event (nor is the event listed in the Table of contents).  I 
> am not suggesting a change, but the omissions seem strange.
>
> (b)  alt text:  "stickers, postcards, and some ballons." Replace 
> "ballons" with "balloons."
>
> (c)  "A person is grabbing a postcard"   I suggest replacing "A person 
> is grabbing" with "A man is examining." If you are less confident than 
> I as to the identity of the person, you could substitute "Someone" or 
> "A visitor" for "A man."  In English usage, to grab is not just to 
> hold something in one's hand but to seize it suddenly and hold onto it 
> firmly.  (If it's something small that can be taken, there is at least 
> an implication that it will be kept.)  What is shown is very gentle 
> lifting of only one end of a card from a pile.
>
> (d)  "while there is a volunteer with an FSFE t-shirt standing on the 
> other side of the table"  I suggest rewriting as a separate sentence:  
> "A volunteer in an FSFE t-shirt is standing on the other side of the 
> table"  I am perhaps still reacting to "grabbing," but in its original 
> form this sentence seemed to me to have a strong flavor of a report of 
> petty theft from the presence of the volunteer who is guarding the 
> merchandise.  There is really no connection, except that the volunteer 
> is smiling and may be speaking to the visitor.  You may want to 
> rewrite in some other fashion to indicate this.
>
> 21.  "to Linda Novobilska for her master thesis on" Replace "master" 
> with "master's."  English usage.  (Note the correct usage in the first 
> sentence of the next paragraph.)
>
> 22.   "That is the suggestion of a group of Free Software 
> enthusiastics!"  Replace "enthusiastics" with "enthusiasts." 
> "Enthusiastic" is an adjective (and not a noun) in English. 
> "Enthusiast" is the corresponding noun.
>
> 23.  "There, there wil be an informal social gathering and a small 
> unconference."
>
> (a)  I suggest removing the first word and the comma, starting the 
> sentence with the second occurrence of "there." The sentence as it 
> stands is grammatically correct.  However, the repetition is strange, 
> and the version I suggest omits only that the social gathering and the 
> "unconference" will be on the train (which seems obvious).
>
> (b)  Replace "wil" with "will."
>
> 24.  "Between Christmas and New Year, the FSFE will be the 38th Chaos 
> Communication Congress"
>
> (a)  Replace "Year" with "Year's Eve."  The apostrophe is required by 
> English usage, whether or not "Eve" is present. Adding "Eve" adds 
> precision.
>
> (b)  Insert "at" after "be."  (Inserting "represented at" is an 
> alternative possibility.  To say "the FSFE will be at" suggests that 
> everybody will be there, but that may be your intention. Take your pick.)
>
>
> On Sun, Dec 1, 2024 at 12:19 PM Richard L. Schmeidler 
> <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>     I have proofread this newsletter in webpreview.  I am attaching a
>     version of the xhtml file that you sent that reflects the
>     suggestions for improvements in this message.
>
>     I am sending only a first batch of suggestions because FSFE
>     translators around Europe may be working Sunday evening.  I want
>     to get into their hands a considerable number of suggestions for
>     corrections to the Quote of the Month.  Of course, none of the
>     suggestions I am making in this message should be considered as
>     being at all official until Ana rules on them.
>
>     1.  As I have previously reported, the first paragraph is a copy
>     of the first paragraph of the November newsletter, and it does not
>     match well with the contents of this December newsletter. Since I
>     have not prepared a substitute, I have not removed this paragraph
>     from my version.
>
>     2.  (Table of contents)  'German Bundestag hearing on “Open
>     Source” '  I suggest removing the quotation marks.  I hope that
>     the hearing will be on the merits of Open Source, not the meaning
>     of the phrase -- or even the disputes about usage of that term
>     rather than the term "Free Software." That is what having the
>     quotation marks indicate. (Of course, I shall be suggesting the
>     corresponding change to the heading in the text.)
>
>     3.   "Bram was not just VIM's lead maintainer but a true champion
>     of open source values, collaboration and innovation of VIM.He
>     showed so much passion and dedication over more than 30 year to
>     build and improve the original VI, making it a highly configuralbe
>     and popular editor in the UNIX, hacker and node culture."  I have
>     found the speech by Christian Brabandt at
>     https://media.fsfe.org/w/fYwrRaaw8qQhauiG2niY3t .  (For some
>     reason, I am having trouble with the link in the FSFE report, at
>     https://fsfe.org/news/2024/news-20241108-01.html ).
>
>     (a)  Insert an Oxford comma after "collaboration."  I distinctly
>     hear a pause.
>
>     (b)  Insert a space after the period [full stop] after "VIM").
>
>     (c)  Replace "configuralbe" with "configurable."
>
>     (d)  Insert an Oxford comma after "hacker." I distinctly hear a pause.
>
>     5.  "But he wasnt only a developer and a benevolent dictator for
>     life. He built up a community that continues to grow and support
>     each other and strive for excellence."
>
>     (a)  Replace "wasnt" with "wasn't.
>
>     (b)  Remove "a" before "benevolent."  In English, having and
>     omitting this word is a matter of style, not grammar.  However, I
>     do not hear it being spoken.
>
>     (c)  Replace the period [full stop] after "life" with a comma.  I
>     hear the sentence continuing.
>
>     (d)  Replace "He" with "but he."  This is what I hear.
>
>     (e)  I suggest inserting commas after both "grow" and "other." 
>     This is a close call.  I do hear slight pauses in both places, but
>     this is a long sentence.  Not all pauses in speech are sufficient
>     to deserve punctuation in transcription.  So use this suggestion
>     or not as you wish.
>
>     6.  "Vim Maintainer Christian Brabandt"  I suggest replacing
>     "Maintainer" with "maintainer." I do not believe that this is a
>     title worthy of capitalization.  In support, previous FSFE usage
>     (which I did not proofread) at
>     https://fsfe.org/news/2024/news-20241108-01.html has this as an
>     image caption:  "Message from Christian Brabandt ,VIM maintainer,
>     recognizing the European SFS Award."
>
>
>     On Fri, Nov 29, 2024 at 5:07 PM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>         Dear all,
>
>         our December newsletter is ready for your proofread and
>         translation.
>
>         https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1312
>
>         If all goes according to the plan, it will go out next Tuesday.
>
>         Best and thanks!
>
>         Ana
>
>         -- 
>         _______________________________________________
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>
>         This mailing list is covered by the FSFE's Code of Conduct. All
>         participants are kindly asked to be excellent to each other:
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>
>
>
>     -- 
>     "The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult
>     to determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln
>
>
>
> -- 
> "The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to 
> determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

-- 
Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
Free Software Foundation Europe
Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)

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