Re: [needs proofread & IT translation] Refund4Freedom news item

Thanks a lot Richard!

I applied your suggestions. In the meanwhile we added a new paragraph as 
the FSFE is now supporting the End of 10 campaign and we change a subtitle.

https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1467

To make it easier the paragraph is the following:

/"Refund4Freedom is inserted in a broader set of activities aiming at 
end-users rights. For instance, the End of 10 campaign 
<https://endof10.org/> encourages users to keep using their current 
hardware by switching to Free Software operating systems. This offers an 
alternative to buying a new device when support for Windows 10 ends on 
14 October 2025. By demanding refunds for unwanted pre-installed 
software, Refund4Freedom supports this transition and helps users avoid 
unnecessary costs while promoting device neutrality and user-controlled 
choices."/

and the subtitle was "Enforcing Software Freedom in Court" and now is 
"/Get inspired! A tenacious example of license refund in Italy/"

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Best,

Ana

On 5/27/25 10:14, Richard L. Schmeidler wrote:
> This is the latest message I have received from you.  Over fourteen
> hours later, I did not receive any other message, specifically not the
> xhtml update.
>
> Since you want this "done by next Tuesday evening," after a busy
> weekend away from home I started to proofread it tonight to have it in
> your hands by Tuesday morning Berlin time.
>
> I wanted to proofread the current webpreview, and attach a version of my own.
>
> Unfortunately, the webpreview cited in your message that arrived this
> morning, https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1465 , is not in
> English.
>
> Unfortunately, the webpreview cited in your message that arrived on
> May 23, https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1463 , is not in
> English.
>
> Fortunately, the xhtml file attached to the message that arrived on
> May 23 was in English.  I am therefore proofreading that version of
> the text. The .xhtml file I am attaching is based on that file, not
> something newer.  I am also attaching a .odt version so as to give
> both me and you the benefit of the LibreOffice "Track Changes"
> feature.
>
> =====
>
> Gabriele Ponzo made what seem to me to be a number of excellent
> suggestions for improvements to the English text of the postcard.  Are
> there any suggestions from the Italian version of the news item that
> should be incorporated into the English text?
>
> =====
>
> 1.   Title:  "No more imposed licensing - Get back the costs of your
> Windows License!"  Replace "costs" with "cost."  There is really only
> one cost of one person's license, the expense of paying for the
> license.  In the xhtml file, this appears twice.  (If you want to
> express this using "your" as a plural pronoun, it would be equally
> good to say "Get back the costs of your Windows Licenses!")
>
> 2.  Alt text for first figure.  "Illustration of a subtration that is
> showing a laptop with what looks similar to the windows logo on the
> screen. Then we have the the minus sign and what looks like the
> Windows logo. After it the equal sign and the same laptop that now is
> showing a heart on the screen. All is white with a blue background"
> (These suggestions do not show up on my .odt version.)
>
> (a)  I do not know what is intended by "subtration."  An internet
> search seems to bring up that this is an incorrect spelling of
> "subtraction," but that is surely not intended here.  I suggest
> clarification, but in my version I am simply removing "of a
> subtration"
>
> (b)  Replace "the the" with "the."
>
> (c)  Capitalize "windows" to conform to usage later in the sentence.
>
> 3.  "As an user, you have most likely encountered the issue"  Replace
> "an" with "a."  The rule in English for choosing between "an" and "a"
> is to look at  the pronunciation of the word that follows.  At least
> in the US English I speak, but I think also elsewhere, "user" is
> pronounced "YOO-z'r" with a strong initial Y sound and a very
> indistinct vowel in the second syllable.
>
> 4.  "without an effective and easy way for the consumers to opt-out."
> Replace "opt-out" with "opt out."  Although "opt-out" is clear, the
> form without the hyphen is customary.
>
> 5.  "This standardized practice not only adds extra costs for the
> consumers pockets, if they do not want that pre-installed software,
> but also comes with another issue: the hardship of saying no to it and
> getting a refund."
>
> (a)  Replace "consumers" with "consumers' ".  The possessive form of the plural.
>
> (b)  I suggest removing the first comma (after "pockets").  This comma
> is grammatically correct, but it is in the first half of a relatively
> complex sentence.  The second half (starting with "but") is itself
> divided in half by the colon.  I think that removing the comma makes
> the first half clearer, since now there is no internal punctuation in
> the first half to be confused with the comma separating the two
> halves.
>
> 6.  'refund.Forcing"  Insert a space between the two sentences.
>
> 7.  "Forcing consumers, to buy a software every time you acquire a new device"
>
> (a)  Remove the comma after "consumers."  English grammar.
>
> (b)  Remove the first occurrence of "a" (before "software").  English
> grammar.  In English, "software" is a mass (or uncountable) noun.
> Just as one cannot buy seven softwares, one cannot buy "a software."
>
> (c)  Replace "you" with "they."  Yes, the readers are consumers, but
> this statement applies to all consumers, not just the readers.
>
> 8.   "Besides, it is illegal when manufacturers do not allow consumers
> to reimburse the licensing costs of not used software."
>
> (a)   Replace "reimburse" with "recover."  The two words differ in
> meaning.  The manufacturer or retailer must pay money to the consumer;
>   that is a reimbursement.  The consumer does not do the reimbursing;
> the consumer recovers the unnecessary expense.
>
> (b)  Replace "not used" with "unused."  English usage.
>
> 8.  "The Refund4Freedomaims to"
>
> (a)  I suggest removing the first word, "The."  English usage.  It
> would also be possible to insert "initiative" after "Refund4Freedom,"
> but since Refund4Freedom has been identified as an initiative in both
> of the earlier sentences in this paragraph, I think that saying this a
> third time would be excessive.
>
> (b)  Insert a space between "Refund4Freedom" and "aims."
>
> 9.  "Help consumers to get a refund of the Windows License when buying
> a new device"   To conform to the other items, add a period (full
> stop) at the end of this item.
>
> 10.  "Protect the right to use only the software of their choice."
> Replace "their" with "one's."  English grammar.  For several reasons,
> the antecedent of "their" is manufacturers, not consumers.  What is
> intended is consumers have the choice, although I must admit that
> Microsoft would like to see to it that everyone uses software of
> Microsoft's choice.  8-)
>
> 11.  "An inspiring example is the successful story from Luca Bonnissi"
>   I suggest replacing "from" with "of."  English usage.  (If Luca's
> story were presented as a write-up that he had prepared, this would be
> a story from him.)
>
> 12.  "The practice of increasing the price of the hardware by
> including a bundling Windows license is not new and depending the
> manufacturer can be a long and quite frustrating process."
>
> (a)  Replace "bundling" with "bundled."  The license does not engage
> in the bundling.
>
> (b)  Insert a comma after "new."  English grammar.  When what would be
> two complete sentences are joined with "and," the comma is necessary.
>
> (c)  Insert "on" after "depending."  English usage.
>
> (d)  I suggest inserting something like "dealing with it" before
> "can."  Quite contrary to what is stated here, there is nothing long
> or frustrating for the vendor in the practice of increasing the price
> by including the license.
>
> 13. "In 2018, Luca filed a request to Lenovo for the refund and return
> of the pre-installed Windows in his new Lenovo Ideapad convertible
> table."
>
> (a)  Replace "and return of the pre-installed Windows" with "of the
> cost of the pre-installed Windows license"  This corrects a
> misstatement of fact.  See
> https://bonissi.it/bonissi_lenovo/01-chat_con_ServizioClienti_Lenovo.pdf
>
> (b)  Replace "table" with "laptop" or "laptop/tablet."  In English, a
> table is an entirely different object from a tablet.
>
> 14.  Alt text:  "Illustration of a hand removing what looks like a
> Windows logo sticker with the word Freedom."  Replace "with" with
> "partially covering."  The word "Freedom" is not on the sticker, and I
> think that it is useful to indicate that the word would be clearly
> readable even before the sticker is removed.  Other phrasings would be
> possible.   (This suggestion does not show up on my .odt version.)
>
> 15.  "What started as an easy, consumer rights request ended up in a
> truly legal and bureaucratic quest which consumed years, several court
> proceedings, and much resilience and determination from Luca."
>
> (a)  Remove the comma after "easy."  English grammar.
>
> (b)  I suggest removing "truly."  English usage.  There is nothing
> specifically relating to truthfulness in the description of the
> process.  Why would anyone doubt that the quest was both legal and
> bureaucratic?
>
> (c)  I suggest replacing "legal and bureaucratic" with "bureaucratic
> and legal."  According to
> https://fsfe.org/news/2021/news-20210302-01.en.html , the bureaucratic
> efforts preceded the legal ones.
>
> 16.  "At the end, the court confirmed the right to reimbursement of
> the pre-installed software and the sentence pointed out that the
> manufacturer itself had expressly assumed this obligation in the
> Windows licence."
>
> (a)  I suggest replacing "At" with "In."  English usage.
>
> (b)  Replace "of" with "for."  English usage.
>
> (c)  Replace "sentence" with "decision."  English legal terminology.
>
> (d)  Replace "licence" with "license."  See the FSFE style guide, now
> available at https://wiki.fsfe.org/TechDocs/Mainpage/Translations/Styleguide
> .  It has, as the second of its English Rules, a specific reference to
> the spelling of this word.  Since this is a license of a very
> international company, the US spelling should be used.
>
> 17.  These companies often use their position of power to discourage
> individuals, who do not have time and resources to be involved in
> drawn-out litigation just for a Windows license refund.  Remove the
> comma after "individuals."  English grammar.
>
> 18.  "empowering them with knowledge, guidance, and to reclaim that
> manufactures should not impose specific operating systems on them."
>
> (a)  I suggest rewriting to replace the first comma and "guidance, and
> to reclaim" with just the words "and guidance."  "Reclaim" should be
> replaced; it is not the right word here, but I am not at all sure what
> should replace it.  To say "reclaim" would mean to give consumers back
> something that they used to have and to which they are now entitled.
> The second of these applies, but not the first.  Since Refund4Freedom
> will provide information and inspiration, but will not provide
> effective tools that are easy to use, my suggestion does not go so far
> as to say that the initiative will reclaim freedom from this
> imposition.
>
> (b)  Replace "manufactures" with "manufacturers."
>
> On Mon, May 26, 2025 at 6:14 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Dear all,
>>
>> due to some issues with the webpreview, the English version is now here:
>> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1465
>>
>> We will need to add an extra paragraph so I will send you another mail
>> later today with the xhtml update. That pad will also be updated later
>> with the new paragraph
>>
>> (I just wanted to make sure you are not currently looking for it and you
>> cannot find it)
>>
>> The IT translation is also ready for proofread:
>> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1464
>>
>> Best,
>>
>> Ana
>>
>>
>> On 5/23/25 09:46, Ana Galan wrote:
>>> Dear all,
>>>
>>> next week  (Thursday) we have the kick-off event of the initiative
>>> Refund4Freedom and therefore, we wrote a news item about it.  I am
>>> kindly asking for your help with English proofread and, as it is an IT
>>> initiative, an IT translation.
>>>
>>> It would be great to have it done by next Tuesday evening.
>>>
>>> As usual, you can find the xhtml file attached and the English version
>>> in the webpreview: https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1463
>>>
>>> Thanks a lot and have a great weekend,
>>>
>>> Ana
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>
-- 
Ana Galan - Senior Project Manager Communications
Free Software Foundation Europe
Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin, Germany | t:+49 157 92 34 72 12
Registered at Amtsgericht Hamburg, VR 17030  |(fsfe.org/support)

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