Re: [needs proofread & IT translation] Refund4Freedom news item

This is the latest message I have received from you.  Over fourteen
hours later, I did not receive any other message, specifically not the
xhtml update.

Since you want this "done by next Tuesday evening," after a busy
weekend away from home I started to proofread it tonight to have it in
your hands by Tuesday morning Berlin time.

I wanted to proofread the current webpreview, and attach a version of my own.

Unfortunately, the webpreview cited in your message that arrived this
morning, https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1465 , is not in
English.

Unfortunately, the webpreview cited in your message that arrived on
May 23, https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1463 , is not in
English.

Fortunately, the xhtml file attached to the message that arrived on
May 23 was in English.  I am therefore proofreading that version of
the text. The .xhtml file I am attaching is based on that file, not
something newer.  I am also attaching a .odt version so as to give
both me and you the benefit of the LibreOffice "Track Changes"
feature.

=====

Gabriele Ponzo made what seem to me to be a number of excellent
suggestions for improvements to the English text of the postcard.  Are
there any suggestions from the Italian version of the news item that
should be incorporated into the English text?

=====

1.   Title:  "No more imposed licensing - Get back the costs of your
Windows License!"  Replace "costs" with "cost."  There is really only
one cost of one person's license, the expense of paying for the
license.  In the xhtml file, this appears twice.  (If you want to
express this using "your" as a plural pronoun, it would be equally
good to say "Get back the costs of your Windows Licenses!")

2.  Alt text for first figure.  "Illustration of a subtration that is
showing a laptop with what looks similar to the windows logo on the
screen. Then we have the the minus sign and what looks like the
Windows logo. After it the equal sign and the same laptop that now is
showing a heart on the screen. All is white with a blue background"
(These suggestions do not show up on my .odt version.)

(a)  I do not know what is intended by "subtration."  An internet
search seems to bring up that this is an incorrect spelling of
"subtraction," but that is surely not intended here.  I suggest
clarification, but in my version I am simply removing "of a
subtration"

(b)  Replace "the the" with "the."

(c)  Capitalize "windows" to conform to usage later in the sentence.

3.  "As an user, you have most likely encountered the issue"  Replace
"an" with "a."  The rule in English for choosing between "an" and "a"
is to look at  the pronunciation of the word that follows.  At least
in the US English I speak, but I think also elsewhere, "user" is
pronounced "YOO-z'r" with a strong initial Y sound and a very
indistinct vowel in the second syllable.

4.  "without an effective and easy way for the consumers to opt-out."
Replace "opt-out" with "opt out."  Although "opt-out" is clear, the
form without the hyphen is customary.

5.  "This standardized practice not only adds extra costs for the
consumers pockets, if they do not want that pre-installed software,
but also comes with another issue: the hardship of saying no to it and
getting a refund."

(a)  Replace "consumers" with "consumers' ".  The possessive form of the plural.

(b)  I suggest removing the first comma (after "pockets").  This comma
is grammatically correct, but it is in the first half of a relatively
complex sentence.  The second half (starting with "but") is itself
divided in half by the colon.  I think that removing the comma makes
the first half clearer, since now there is no internal punctuation in
the first half to be confused with the comma separating the two
halves.

6.  'refund.Forcing"  Insert a space between the two sentences.

7.  "Forcing consumers, to buy a software every time you acquire a new device"

(a)  Remove the comma after "consumers."  English grammar.

(b)  Remove the first occurrence of "a" (before "software").  English
grammar.  In English, "software" is a mass (or uncountable) noun.
Just as one cannot buy seven softwares, one cannot buy "a software."

(c)  Replace "you" with "they."  Yes, the readers are consumers, but
this statement applies to all consumers, not just the readers.

8.   "Besides, it is illegal when manufacturers do not allow consumers
to reimburse the licensing costs of not used software."

(a)   Replace "reimburse" with "recover."  The two words differ in
meaning.  The manufacturer or retailer must pay money to the consumer;
 that is a reimbursement.  The consumer does not do the reimbursing;
the consumer recovers the unnecessary expense.

(b)  Replace "not used" with "unused."  English usage.

8.  "The Refund4Freedomaims to"

(a)  I suggest removing the first word, "The."  English usage.  It
would also be possible to insert "initiative" after "Refund4Freedom,"
but since Refund4Freedom has been identified as an initiative in both
of the earlier sentences in this paragraph, I think that saying this a
third time would be excessive.

(b)  Insert a space between "Refund4Freedom" and "aims."

9.  "Help consumers to get a refund of the Windows License when buying
a new device"   To conform to the other items, add a period (full
stop) at the end of this item.

10.  "Protect the right to use only the software of their choice."
Replace "their" with "one's."  English grammar.  For several reasons,
the antecedent of "their" is manufacturers, not consumers.  What is
intended is consumers have the choice, although I must admit that
Microsoft would like to see to it that everyone uses software of
Microsoft's choice.  8-)

11.  "An inspiring example is the successful story from Luca Bonnissi"
 I suggest replacing "from" with "of."  English usage.  (If Luca's
story were presented as a write-up that he had prepared, this would be
a story from him.)

12.  "The practice of increasing the price of the hardware by
including a bundling Windows license is not new and depending the
manufacturer can be a long and quite frustrating process."

(a)  Replace "bundling" with "bundled."  The license does not engage
in the bundling.

(b)  Insert a comma after "new."  English grammar.  When what would be
two complete sentences are joined with "and," the comma is necessary.

(c)  Insert "on" after "depending."  English usage.

(d)  I suggest inserting something like "dealing with it" before
"can."  Quite contrary to what is stated here, there is nothing long
or frustrating for the vendor in the practice of increasing the price
by including the license.

13. "In 2018, Luca filed a request to Lenovo for the refund and return
of the pre-installed Windows in his new Lenovo Ideapad convertible
table."

(a)  Replace "and return of the pre-installed Windows" with "of the
cost of the pre-installed Windows license"  This corrects a
misstatement of fact.  See
https://bonissi.it/bonissi_lenovo/01-chat_con_ServizioClienti_Lenovo.pdf

(b)  Replace "table" with "laptop" or "laptop/tablet."  In English, a
table is an entirely different object from a tablet.

14.  Alt text:  "Illustration of a hand removing what looks like a
Windows logo sticker with the word Freedom."  Replace "with" with
"partially covering."  The word "Freedom" is not on the sticker, and I
think that it is useful to indicate that the word would be clearly
readable even before the sticker is removed.  Other phrasings would be
possible.   (This suggestion does not show up on my .odt version.)

15.  "What started as an easy, consumer rights request ended up in a
truly legal and bureaucratic quest which consumed years, several court
proceedings, and much resilience and determination from Luca."

(a)  Remove the comma after "easy."  English grammar.

(b)  I suggest removing "truly."  English usage.  There is nothing
specifically relating to truthfulness in the description of the
process.  Why would anyone doubt that the quest was both legal and
bureaucratic?

(c)  I suggest replacing "legal and bureaucratic" with "bureaucratic
and legal."  According to
https://fsfe.org/news/2021/news-20210302-01.en.html , the bureaucratic
efforts preceded the legal ones.

16.  "At the end, the court confirmed the right to reimbursement of
the pre-installed software and the sentence pointed out that the
manufacturer itself had expressly assumed this obligation in the
Windows licence."

(a)  I suggest replacing "At" with "In."  English usage.

(b)  Replace "of" with "for."  English usage.

(c)  Replace "sentence" with "decision."  English legal terminology.

(d)  Replace "licence" with "license."  See the FSFE style guide, now
available at https://wiki.fsfe.org/TechDocs/Mainpage/Translations/Styleguide
.  It has, as the second of its English Rules, a specific reference to
the spelling of this word.  Since this is a license of a very
international company, the US spelling should be used.

17.  These companies often use their position of power to discourage
individuals, who do not have time and resources to be involved in
drawn-out litigation just for a Windows license refund.  Remove the
comma after "individuals."  English grammar.

18.  "empowering them with knowledge, guidance, and to reclaim that
manufactures should not impose specific operating systems on them."

(a)  I suggest rewriting to replace the first comma and "guidance, and
to reclaim" with just the words "and guidance."  "Reclaim" should be
replaced; it is not the right word here, but I am not at all sure what
should replace it.  To say "reclaim" would mean to give consumers back
something that they used to have and to which they are now entitled.
The second of these applies, but not the first.  Since Refund4Freedom
will provide information and inspiration, but will not provide
effective tools that are easy to use, my suggestion does not go so far
as to say that the initiative will reclaim freedom from this
imposition.

(b)  Replace "manufactures" with "manufacturers."

On Mon, May 26, 2025 at 6:14 AM Ana Galan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> due to some issues with the webpreview, the English version is now here:
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1465
>
> We will need to add an extra paragraph so I will send you another mail
> later today with the xhtml update. That pad will also be updated later
> with the new paragraph
>
> (I just wanted to make sure you are not currently looking for it and you
> cannot find it)
>
> The IT translation is also ready for proofread:
> https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1464
>
> Best,
>
> Ana
>
>
> On 5/23/25 09:46, Ana Galan wrote:
> > Dear all,
> >
> > next week  (Thursday) we have the kick-off event of the initiative
> > Refund4Freedom and therefore, we wrote a news item about it.  I am
> > kindly asking for your help with English proofread and, as it is an IT
> > initiative, an IT translation.
> >
> > It would be great to have it done by next Tuesday evening.
> >
> > As usual, you can find the xhtml file attached and the English version
> > in the webpreview: https://webpreview.fsfe.org/cgi/fsfe.pl?pad=1463
> >
> > Thanks a lot and have a great weekend,
> >
> > Ana
>
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