Re: Down with Canonical - Boycott Ubuntu Spyware

Hi,

I'm posting this back to DunLUG, since I assume the reply to me personally
was in error.

On 28 January 2013 13:36, Alex King <[email protected]> wrote:

> Thomi,
>
> You can't control how others behave or what they say.  If you think they
> "should" respond in a certain way you are setting yourself up for
> disappointment.
>
> You can lead by example (as you have been doing), and request that people
> use certain standards, but it's not a given that everyone is going to play
> by the "rules".  Don't let them get to you.
>
> People are free to do whatever they want.  It's not always productive to
> refer to outside rules (etiquette) as some people will always disagree, and
> it's likely to just be another endless argument.  But if you do want that,
> be very specific about what rule set you are requesting people to follow.
>

That's certainly a valid opinion. Let me offer my own, alternative
hypothesis:

Communities (online, or otherwise) only work when all participants share
roughly the same set of social and behavioural norms. This set of
acceptable behaviours is sometimes termed 'etiquette'. Usually people adopt
different behaviour depending on the company they keep. For example: I have
friends who are highly religious: While in their company, I try to modify
my behaviour & language in order to avoid offence. Similar patterns exist
everywhere - Kathinka already touched on this, idea - that different social
groups have different norms. What is acceptable in some circles is frowned
upon in others. It's been this way since apes thought "I'm fed up with
getting eaten by dinosaurs, let's club together and show those lizards
who's boss!"[1]

When meeting a new group of people (at a dinner party perhaps), the smart
thing to do is to try and assess what behavior will be tolerated, and which
won't. This is easy when face-to-face with the other participants. Body
language, verbal and other clues signal approval or otherwise. In this way,
the norms of the group are communicated *implicitly*.

However, in an online, virtual community (such as this one), those clues
are absent, or at least harder to detect. This makes it very important for
a community to define *explicitly* what behaviour will be tolerated, and
what behaviour causes offence. This is precisely why many online
communities have some form of "code of conduct" document, or at least give
hints as to how to interact with other community members. One of the most
famous examples of this (to my mind anyway), is the "How to ask questions
the smart way" document[2]. That document is targeted to a different
community, and I'm not suggesting that we adopt it - it's merely an example
of an explicit communication of social norms,

So - back to your email.

You're absolutely correct when you say that "You can't control how others
behave or what they say.". As just one member of this community, I can't do
that. However, *we*, as the DunLUG community, can decide the kind of
behaviour we will tolerate, and the kind that we won't. If I thought that
my own views were not shared by anyone else in the group, I'd either accept
the majority decision, or leave to find a group that did share my views.
However, I don't think that's the case here. The feeling I get from the
other messages in this thread is that most folks either don't care, or
agree with 90% of what I'm saying.... but I could be wrong - judging these
things from email text is tricky.

Finally, you've mentioned Non-Violent Communication before, and it's an
interesting idea. However, personally, it's not for me. It feels to me that
using NVC removes my ability to be assertive, to call out bad behaviour. I
don't believe that these eruptions are caused by ordinary members voicing
their opinions - rather, they're caused by people who can't, or won't abide
by a common shared set of social norms. I don't think asking regular
community members to adopt NVC will prevent these; rather, it'll make it
that much harder to stop the trolling, when it (inevitably) pops up.


It feels to me like the DunLUG community is in limbo - I'm still on this
list because I want to support people running Linux. However, it seems like
the group has been drifting towards another space (possibly more of a
social group than a technical one). If that's the case, then possibly the
current troubles are just friction from the change...

Anyway, that's what I think :)

[1] My anthropology skills are weak, at best.
[2] http://www.catb.org/esr/faqs/smart-questions.html
-- 
Thomi Richards

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