Re: A.A.P.C. FOLKLORE, Part Twelve

> Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
> [email protected] (HarryLime) wrote
> in news:[email protected]:
> 
> 
>> Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
>> [email protected] (HarryLime)
>> wrote in news:[email protected]:
>> 
>> 
>> Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
>> [email protected] (HarryLime)
>> wrote in news:[email protected]:
>> 
>> 
>> HarryLime wrote:
>> 
>> George J. Dance wrote:
>> 
>> MMP aka HarryLime aka Michael Pendragon aka Coco DeSockmonkey aka
>> One Small Voice, etc. wrote: [snip]
>> 
>> 
>> DISCLAIMER - "This isn't history, Donkey, but folklore. It's the
>> stories that have grown up regarding the members of AAPC over the
>> years. They may or may not be entirely true -- THEY MAY NOT EVEN BE
>> TRUE AT ALL." (Emphasis added) - MMP aka HarryLime aka Michael
>> Pendragon aka Coco DeSockmonkey aka One Small Voice, etc., on his
>> "A.A.P.C. Folklore" series.
>> http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=632244559&start=120
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The Handy Sandy folklore stems from a series of exchanges between
>> Will Donkey and myself at AAPC.
>> 
>> George (Stinky var.): Sandy is such a talented young
>> lady................... MMP: Best handjob in Columbus?
>> WILL: There may be better, but Sandy is a unique talent.
>> 
>> Will later claimed that he had "snipped" my response before
>> replying, but the damage had already been done.
>> 
>> I have to admit that I honestly believed he was saying that Sandy
>> possessed a unique talent for performing handjobs.  I was shocked
>> that he would say such a thing -- but I certainly believed him.
>> 
>> This was the sort of exchange that should have have been easily
>> forgotten.  The problem was that Will did not want to pass up a
>> chance to boast about one of his sexual conquests online.
>> 
>> He therefore, refused to step into the gentleman's part and deny
>> that any such interplay between them had ever taken place.  Rather,
>> he repeatedly hinted that they'd been sexually involved, while
>> insisting that he had been replying to Stinky George's remark rather
>> than mine (which he'd snipped in his reply).
>> 
>> So Sanday Madaris became Handy Sandy and forever a part of AAPC
>> folklore.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> This was mentioned in a different thread (there's a lot of
>> cross-over in the folklore), but it's been speculated that Will's
>> boasting about Sandy's handiness got her badly beaten by here
>> partner, One-Drum Derundo.
>> 
>> Sometime after Will made the infamous "handjob" comment that earned
>> Sandy her nickname, she posted several photos on her Facebook page
>> sporting what appeared be two black eyes, a busted nose, and one arm
>> in a sling (IIRC).  She claimed that she'd fallen in her kitchen,
>> but the injuries were far more severe than one would receive from a
>> fall.
>> 
>> A story began circulating that One-Drum had read some of the "Handy
>> Sandy" stories on A.A.P.C. and flipped out on her.
>> 
>> True or not, one can only hope that the Donkey will learn to be a
>> little more discreet about his romantic liaisons in the future.
>> 
>> 
>> View the attachments for this post at:
>> http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=709814005#709814005
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> This is clearly Dreckweasel's fault for dragging her here.
>> 
>> What a douchebag.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> He did much more than that.
>> 
>> Here's the original exchange between Stinky G and myself:
>> 
>> SULZBACH: Sandy is such a talented young lady...................
>> MMP: Best handjob in Columbus?
>> 
>> It was just a throwaway joke that would have been immediately
>> forgotten, if Will hadn't responded with:
>> 
>> WILL: There may be better, but Sandy is a unique talent.
>> 
>> Will was responding to Stinky's post.  But Google Groups was set up
>> so that you could read the first line of a response without clicking
>> on, and opening, the post.  The result was that when scrolling down
>> the thread, one saw these three posts following one another:
>> 
>> STINKY: Sandy is such a talented young lady...................
>> MMP: Best handjob in Columbus?
>> WILL: There may be better, but Sandy is a unique talent.
>> 
>> Since I hadn't clicked on Will's post, I honestly believed that Will
>> was saying Sandy had a unique talent for giving handjobs (several
>> other members reported that they thought Will was saying this as
>> well).
>> 
>> At this point, much of the damage had been done, but Will could
>> still have brought it to an end by saying that Sandy had never given
>> him a handjob.
>> 
>> But Will refused to do so.
>> 
>> Instead, he began hinting that he and Sandy had been intimate, while
>> insisting that I had falsified his statement.
>> 
>> Apparently Will did not want to pass up on an opportunity to use
>> A.A.P.C. as a forum in which to boast of his romantic conquests.  In
>> short, he acted the part of a cad.
>> 
>> This dragged on for several weeks with Sandy becoming the butt of a
>> string of "Sandjob" jokes, which  cemented her place in the cannon
>> of A.A.P.C. folklore.
>> 
>> The above is 100% factual, and can be verified by accessing the
>> Google Groups archives.  What follows is entirely conjecture:
>> 
>> One-Drum Derundo may or may not have been aware of Sandy's past with
>> Will (assuming that the "Sandjobs" were not still going on).
>> 
>> However, in the string of "Sandjob" jokes, Sandy was depicted as
>> giving out "Sandjobs" to various people, painting her as a handjob
>> nymphomaniac and/or a handjob wh*re.
>> 
>> Whether Derundo stumbled across the posts on his own, or whether one
>> or more of the All-Stars started ribbing him about them is entirely
>> unknown.
>> 
>> But the fact that Sandy's battered photos appeared on her Facebook
>> page within a month or two of the "Sandjob" posts, leads one to
>> believe that there was a connection.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> So the unceasing incoherence of Douchebag Willie smeared a possibly
>> inncoent waif and got her beaten up? What a scumbag.
>> 
>> Dreckweasel doesn't care who he f**ks over, especially the innocent.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Will may have gotten another not-so-innocent woman in trouble as well.
>> 
>> In another of his tales, Will relates how he and Brother Dave gave a
>> woman a ride home from LeGents after one of his shows.  They parked in
>> her driveway, where Will and the unnamed woman starting having sex.
>> 
>> What Brother Dave was doing while this was going on is left to the
>> reader's imagination.
>> 
>> Their romantic encounter was suddenly interrupted when the woman's
>> husband came barrelling out of their house with a shotgun.
>> 
>> IIRC, it's unclear whether Will pushed the woman out of the truck as
>> Dave sped off into the night, or whether they took her with them.
>> 
>> While Will doesn't name the woman, the details were specific enough
>> for the shotgun-toting husband to recognize the incident from the
>> post.
>> 
> 
> 
> How and where was it reported?
> 
> 
>> Whether he ever read the post (or whether his name was Derundo) are
>> unknown.
>> 
> 
> 
> How did I not hear about this?
> 
> --
> "I've known for over a year that this guy is the assassin of the Usenet
> poetry community. When I first arrived, I thought he was keeping the
> lights on in a dead group by reposting from archives. I soon realized
> that he was just endlessly reposting his own stuff, that he had killed
> the group by flooding it, and that most of the people he called
> "trolls" were actually the members of the group.
> I've joined the crowd. I'm done trying to work with him and speak reason
> to him. It's exhausting and pointless." - Little Willie Douchebag gets
> another asskicking from The One True Melissa




Found it.

At one point, I had convinced Will to use pseudonyms for the women he was screwing in his poems, and "Rosell" might be one of those pseudonyms:



Rosell Returns

The jukebox blasted away in the corner:

"I was taking a chance
down at a place called Del Ranch
With a little girl named Rosell.

When in stepped her Sugar Daddy
a gent named Freddy
with gun that could send me to Hell..."

So the famous ballad goes...

Actually,
the way it really happened
was more surreal, dreamlike.

The last time Rosell and I
were personally together
was 3-4 years back.

She showed up at a show,
and we gave her a ride home
to her new place,
where her new Sugar Daddy
also lived.

After the music show
at Del Ranch
Ms. R. needed a ride home
we were glad to help.

Brother Dave was driving,
Jack Snipe riding shotgun
with the tallest beer can
I have ever seen.

We were taking her home
to a trailer
in the rural outskirts
of Phenix City.

Jack Snipe was riding shotgun
with Brother Dave
behind the wheel.

Rosell was in the back seat
with me.

Before we were out
of the parking lot
she was all over me.

At least it was pretty dark
out there in the country,
no street lights.

Ms. R. going wild
in the back seat on me:
I was "trembling-and-chaste"
as Kerouac put it once.

Suddenly we were
at her drive way
somewhere out in the sticks.

Rosell said it was fine
Sugar Daddy would be asleep
at this hour.

We pulled in the long driveway
up to the trailer
and he was on the front porch
having a cigarette.

Brother Dave swears
Freddy had a gun
but I couldn't see it.

I was too busy
trying to pass
for an innocent
back seat passenger.

Not an easy task
in thirty seconds time.

-Will Dockery 


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