Re: LNH: Leadership CRASH! Net.ropolis 2025 #1x30: "Cut to the Chase! Begin the Fearful Saga of Imperium Hex Part II!"

Drew Nilium <[email protected]> wrote at 03:02 this Friday (GMT):
> And the scribe returned, bearing a handful of ashes. And they sat, with the
> pieces and thoughts and feelings they'd gathered. And they thought, and
> organized the pieces into different forms, and compared those to the thoughts
> and feelings, seeing if they looked right, if they reflected one another. And
> after a time...
>
> After a time, they swept everything off the table and cracked their knuckles.
> "Fuck it."
> _______________________________________________________________________________
>
> "Flee!" shouted Marvel Zombie Girl. "Flee, from the Legion of Bad Judgment
> Boys!"
>
> Cannon Fodder opened up with twin KRATHOOM Blasters, but his shots bounced off
> the steel skin of Bad Judgment Boy Silver, who tore him to shreds. The Dragon
> of the Pen sliced thru Bad Judgment Boy Taupe, but was driven back by the sword
> skills of Bad Judgment Boy Ochre. Token Girl desperately fired bus token after
> bus token, clearing a space for others to run.
>
> Fuzzy shouted orders, but it was clear to her - to everyone - that they had
> lost this battle, and needed to retreat. "Get to the Legionspeeder!" she yelled.
>
> "But what about the prisoners in the LNHQ holding cells!?" said Shirley
> Jefferson, who had taken the temporary codename of Grand Order Lass.
>
> "We can't rescue them if we're captured too," said Toony Stork, wearing pieces
> of various old Irony Man armors jury-rigged together.
>
> Shirley was about to object further, but the Dragon of the Pen scooped her up
> in a princess carry, and she became far too distracted to do any such thing.
>
> But between them and the Legionspeeder stood Hex Luthor's secret weapon - the
> enormous, monstrous Bad Judgment Boy Gunmetal!
>
> "Hey, big and ugly!" shouted Toony, shooting repulsive rays at the monstrous
> Boy.
>
> "WOW, THAT FEELS NEAT!" it shouted. "FOLLOWING YOU AWAY FROM THE BATTLE IS A
> GREAT IDEA!" And it did so, as Toony ran back toward the other BJBs.
>
> "No!" shouted Token Girl, but she fell back as Fuzzy pushed her into the
> Legionspeeder and closed the hatch.
>
> "Go!" she shouted to Parking Karma Kid, and they lifted off.
>   _____________________________________________________________________________
> [                              L E A D E R S H I P                            >
> [     ________  ________  ________  ________  ___  ___  ___                   >
> [    |\   ____\|\   __  \|\   __  \|\   ____\|\  \|\  \|\  \                  >
> [    \ \  \___|\ \  \|\  \ \  \|\  \ \  \___|\ \  \\\  \ \  \                 >
> [     \ \  \    \ \   _  _\ \   __  \ \_____  \ \   __  \ \  \                >
> [      \ \  \____\ \  \\  \\ \  \ \  \|____|\  \ \  \ \  \ \__\               >
> [       \ \_______\ \__\\ _\\ \__\ \__\____\_\  \ \__\ \__\|__|               >
> [        \|_______|\|__|\|__|\|__|\|__|\_________\|__|\|__|   ___             >
> [                                     \|_________|           |\__\            >
> [       NET.ROPOLIS 2025!                                    \|__|            >
> [                                                                             >
> [ Issue #1x30:                                                                >
> [         "Cut to the Chase!                                                  >
> [              Begin the Fearful Saga of Imperium Hex Part II!"               >
> [_____________________________________________________________________________>
>
> Half an hour later, they had put the Legionspeeder in a safe place and made
> their way down into the Net.ropolis sewers, down into the labyrinth where the
> Shadow People dwelt.
>
> They had negotiated for a safe space down there, but they couldn't go past
> certain places... there were a lot of Shadow People who trusted the LNH, even
> some who had been members at one point or another; but there were many who
> didn't, and Fuzzy couldn't blame their reasons. Self-Righteous Preacher,
> Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy, Master Blaster... not all LNHers were worthy of trust.
>
> They got down into the converted air raid shelter that served as their current
> base of operations. There were net.heroes sitting, chatting, playing games;
> they looked up as Fuzzy and the others entered, looked down again as it became
> clear they were alone.
>
> Hell Catalyst looked them over. "...at least you came back without major
> injuries?" she volunteered.
>
> Fuzzy laughed. "You don't have to sugarcoat it. The latest mission of the
> Enigma of Net.Heroes was an abject failure."
>
> "They're not all going to be successes..." But HC's words floundered, and she
> sighed. Still, she gave Fuzzy a brave smile, and took her hands. "You should
> shower, have some food, and get some sleep. Tomorrow we can try again."
>
> Fuzzy sighed, and smiled back. "Yeah, all right. Make sure everybody else does,
> too."
>
> "On it, boss!" Hell Catalyst gave her a big thumbs up.
>
> After something that couldn't really be called a shower but still got her clean,
> and a meal of very interesting mushroom-based protein bars, Fuzzy laid down on
> her bedroll in a dark corner, a small electric lantern beside her. She picked
> up the spiral notebook she'd left there, pulled the pen out of the spiraly bit,
> and began writing...
>
>====
>
> Fuzzy War Journal, January 6th, 2025.
>
> The Legion of Net.Heroes is dead.
>
> When Hex Luthor won the leadership election by bringing in thousands of Bad
> Judgment Boys from other universes, each of whom was, technically, already a
> member of the Legion, we railed at him, refused to consider it a fair victory
> and refused to treat him as leader. But when he used the power of the Universal
> Office to enter himself into the Looniverse's Akashic Record as leader, the
> other candidates and I activated Plan Omega, each splitting off a new team.
>
> We've lost contact with Merissa's Generation LNH and Small-Attention-Span-For-
> Nonsense Lass's Net.Hero Brigade. We've maintained an uneasy alliance with
> Pragmatic-Reasons Lass's Legioncorp, but there's no way they're not going to
> betray us sooner or later. We don't know where the others are. We may be the
> last left standing against Hex.
>
> Will we ever be able to take back the LNHQ and rebuild the Legion? Should we
> even be trying, anymore? I don't know. All I know is, I can't stand how things
> are. So I'm going to keep fighting, until I can't any more.
>
>====
>
> Fuzzy's pen hovered over the page. It felt like there should be more to say...
> but nothing came.
>
> She sighed, closed the journal, put it on the floor. She turned off the lantern,
> laid her head on the pillow, and closed her eyes.
>
> All was quiet.
>
> In the darkness came the flash of gunpowder igniting, and the sharp bark of a
> silenced handgun.
>
> All was quiet again.
>
> A few minutes later, a woman in a bright orange suit climbed out of a drainage
> grate. She pulled a phone out of her pocket and spoke into it.
>
> "This is Ms. Executor. The target has been eliminated."
> _______________________________________________________________________________
>
> Drew "HERE WE GO" Nilium


the heroes lost?! truly a dark timeline
-- 
user <candycane> is generated from /dev/urandom