A note to Canada and Denmark

Imagine, if you will, the single greatest geopolitical shitpost in the history of human civilization. A move so 
utterly pointless yet cosmically significant, so legally airtight yet profoundly absurd, that it would cause a 
certain president's remaining neurons to collapse into a singularity of pure, undiluted rage. Picture this: Denmark, 
in a move of absolute, unchecked sovereign pettiness, formally cedes Greenland to Canada. But not permanently--oh no, 
that would be too simple. This would be a temporary yet indefinite transfer, set to last until one very specific 
condition is met: Donald Trump is no longer breathing.

That's it. That's the treaty. Greenland remains Canadian until the man himself shuffles off this mortal coil, at 
which point Denmark can have it back.

Now, try to visualize the moment an unfortunate, sleep-deprived White House staffer walks into whatever golden-
embossed cave Trump is sulking in and delivers this news. His mind--already a delicate, decaying Jenga tower of diet 
soda and unresolved childhood trauma--would immediately catastrophically misfire. The rage, the disbelief, the sheer, 
aneurysm-inducing butthurt would manifest before our very eyes in the most epic way imaginable.

Within minutes, he'd be foaming at the mouth on Truth Social, hammering out some barely coherent, caps-locked hate 
poem:

"TOTAL DISASTER!! Denmark (a weak, very weak country--nobody respects them!) is giving GREENLAND (A GREAT COUNTRY, 
SHOULD HAVE BEEN OURS!!) to Canada (TERRIBLE COUNTRY, RUN BY JUSTIN 'CASTRO' TRUDEAU, WHO IS A TOTAL DISGRACE) JUST 
TO HURT ME!!! CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!"

"NOBODY FIGHTS FOR AMERICA ANYMORE!! I WON'T LET GREENLAND BE STOLEN LIKE THEY STOLE THE 2020 ELECTION! I WILL HAVE 
MY GENERALS LOOK INTO THIS VERY STRONGLY! MAYBE THE ARMY NEEDS TO GO IN??"

"ARTICLE 12 OF THE CONSTITUTION SAYS WE CAN TAKE GREENLAND IF WE WANT. LOOK IT UP, IT'S TRUE. THE FOUNDERS WANTED US 
TO HAVE IT. JAMES MADISON SAID SO. SAD!!!" (There is no Article 12.)

"I AM ISSUING AN EXECUTIVE ORDER TO MAKE GREENLAND AMERICAN AGAIN!!! CANADA WILL PAY FOR IT. OR MAYBE MEXICO!!!"

"DENMARK? FINISHED!! I AM SANCTIONING DANISH PEOPLE EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!! NO MORE LEGO, NO MORE BACON, NO MORE 
DANISHES!!! FROM NOW ON, THEY WILL BE CALLED 'FREEDOM PASTRIES'!!!"

But it wouldn't stop there. Oh no.
His delusions would spiral.
He would try to sue Denmark.
He would demand the Supreme Court overturn the treaty.
He would threaten to bomb Ottawa but get confused and drone strike a Vermont maple farm instead.
He would try to buy Greenland again--this time from Canada--then go on TV and call Justin Trudeau a lesbian.
He would try to unilaterally declare war on Denmark (only to be told he has no power to do so, prompting a separate 
meltdown).

And Fox News? Fox News would be in full DEFCON 1 propaganda mode:

"THE GREENLAND CONSPIRACY: HOW TRUMP HATERS ARE TRYING TO ERASE AMERICA!"

"BREAKING: BIDEN REFUSES TO STOP DANISH-CANADIAN GREENLAND HEIST--IMPEACH??"

"DID GREENLAND STEAL THE 2020 ELECTION?"

Now, to our Danish friends reading this, and to our Canadian comrades who I know have at least one deeply unhinged 
lawmaker willing to push this through: Fucking Do it. Do it now. Not for power, not for justice, but for history. For 
the art of the troll. For the sheer joy of knowing that somewhere, in a tacky, gold-plated Mar-a-Lago dining room, an 
old, spray-tanned man is completely losing his fucking mind.

Denmark, Canada--you know what to do. Make it happen. Make us proud.


-- 
On May 30, 2024 Donald J. Trump was unanimously convicted on 34 felony 
counts in New York City... so I took this picture in my side yard.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0es3xolxka455iw/BetterThingsToDo.jpg?dl=0

"Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind." - OC 
Bible  25B.G.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/ek8kap93bmk0q5w/D%20U%20N%20E%20Part%20II.jpg?dl=0