Re: A note to Canada and Denmark

On Mon, 17 Feb 2025 10:13:20 -0500, FPP <[email protected]> wrote:

Keeper!  ROTFLMAO!

>Imagine, if you will, the single greatest geopolitical shitpost in the history of human civilization. A move so 
>utterly pointless yet cosmically significant, so legally airtight yet profoundly absurd, that it would cause a 
>certain president's remaining neurons to collapse into a singularity of pure, undiluted rage. Picture this: Denmark, 
>in a move of absolute, unchecked sovereign pettiness, formally cedes Greenland to Canada. But not permanently--oh no, 
>that would be too simple. This would be a temporary yet indefinite transfer, set to last until one very specific 
>condition is met: Donald Trump is no longer breathing.
>
>That's it. That's the treaty. Greenland remains Canadian until the man himself shuffles off this mortal coil, at 
>which point Denmark can have it back.
>
>Now, try to visualize the moment an unfortunate, sleep-deprived White House staffer walks into whatever golden-
>embossed cave Trump is sulking in and delivers this news. His mind--already a delicate, decaying Jenga tower of diet 
>soda and unresolved childhood trauma--would immediately catastrophically misfire. The rage, the disbelief, the sheer, 
>aneurysm-inducing butthurt would manifest before our very eyes in the most epic way imaginable.
>
>Within minutes, he'd be foaming at the mouth on Truth Social, hammering out some barely coherent, caps-locked hate 
>poem:
>
>"TOTAL DISASTER!! Denmark (a weak, very weak country--nobody respects them!) is giving GREENLAND (A GREAT COUNTRY, 
>SHOULD HAVE BEEN OURS!!) to Canada (TERRIBLE COUNTRY, RUN BY JUSTIN 'CASTRO' TRUDEAU, WHO IS A TOTAL DISGRACE) JUST 
>TO HURT ME!!! CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!"
>
>"NOBODY FIGHTS FOR AMERICA ANYMORE!! I WON'T LET GREENLAND BE STOLEN LIKE THEY STOLE THE 2020 ELECTION! I WILL HAVE 
>MY GENERALS LOOK INTO THIS VERY STRONGLY! MAYBE THE ARMY NEEDS TO GO IN??"
>
>"ARTICLE 12 OF THE CONSTITUTION SAYS WE CAN TAKE GREENLAND IF WE WANT. LOOK IT UP, IT'S TRUE. THE FOUNDERS WANTED US 
>TO HAVE IT. JAMES MADISON SAID SO. SAD!!!" (There is no Article 12.)
>
>"I AM ISSUING AN EXECUTIVE ORDER TO MAKE GREENLAND AMERICAN AGAIN!!! CANADA WILL PAY FOR IT. OR MAYBE MEXICO!!!"
>
>"DENMARK? FINISHED!! I AM SANCTIONING DANISH PEOPLE EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!! NO MORE LEGO, NO MORE BACON, NO MORE 
>DANISHES!!! FROM NOW ON, THEY WILL BE CALLED 'FREEDOM PASTRIES'!!!"
>
>But it wouldn't stop there. Oh no.
>His delusions would spiral.
>He would try to sue Denmark.
>He would demand the Supreme Court overturn the treaty.
>He would threaten to bomb Ottawa but get confused and drone strike a Vermont maple farm instead.
>He would try to buy Greenland again--this time from Canada--then go on TV and call Justin Trudeau a lesbian.
>He would try to unilaterally declare war on Denmark (only to be told he has no power to do so, prompting a separate 
>meltdown).
>
>And Fox News? Fox News would be in full DEFCON 1 propaganda mode:
>
>"THE GREENLAND CONSPIRACY: HOW TRUMP HATERS ARE TRYING TO ERASE AMERICA!"
>
>"BREAKING: BIDEN REFUSES TO STOP DANISH-CANADIAN GREENLAND HEIST--IMPEACH??"
>
>"DID GREENLAND STEAL THE 2020 ELECTION?"
>
>Now, to our Danish friends reading this, and to our Canadian comrades who I know have at least one deeply unhinged 
>lawmaker willing to push this through: Fucking Do it. Do it now. Not for power, not for justice, but for history. For 
>the art of the troll. For the sheer joy of knowing that somewhere, in a tacky, gold-plated Mar-a-Lago dining room, an 
>old, spray-tanned man is completely losing his fucking mind.
>
>Denmark, Canada--you know what to do. Make it happen. Make us proud.