Re: [UG-ADMINS] Dealing with a member issue

Beth,

I'm sorry to hear that he has continued with this. I know the individual as
well and experienced the behavior you are talking about at the conference
(and also witnessed him having conversations like this with a couple other
people). It's not so much a discussion as it is an invitation to debate. I
happen to also be a Christian, and so he proceeded to drill down into the
details of my religious beliefs to the point that he was able to make this
about my views on homosexuality. He seemed to want to find some way to turn
it into an argument, but I'm not sure why. At the time it didn't occur to
me to consider this whole exchange more than just an awkward attempt at
social interaction gone wrong. In light of this additional information, I'm
wishing I'd discussed it with you at the time. Please let me know if you'd
like any additional details.

-Patrick

On Wed, Jan 20, 2016 at 3:16 PM, Tessa Mero <[email protected]> wrote:

> Great advice Jon!
>
> > On Jan 20, 2016, at 1:14 PM, Jonathan Sundquist <[email protected]>
> wrote:
> >
> > Hey Beth,
> >
> > Sorry to hear you are having troubles with an individual at both the
> > conference and your user group meetings now.  Though we have not gone
> > through this ourselves a few thoughts. Make sure to keep a record of
> every
> > incident incase it escalates.  Make sure to have a written letter stating
> > that the person is not welcome to discuss such items at your user group
> > meetings, message board mailing list, or conferences.  In case it goes
> > further than what some would like, restraining order if required, you
> will
> > need that paper trail to show you have respectfully asked them to stop.
> >
> > I would also agree with others already, start with a warning (which you
> > have done but was it in written form?). If it continues go with a
> temporary
> > ban, can call it a cooling off period.  Once the person has been brought
> > back to the group and they continue I would agree that a full ban from
> user
> > group activities and conferences would be necessary. If they still
> continue
> > I would consider going one step further.
> >
> > Each situation is different so ultimately it will be your decision on how
> > you want to handle it.
> >
> > - Jon
> >
> >> On Wed, Jan 20, 2016 at 2:59 PM Tessa Mero <[email protected]> wrote:
> >>
> >> Beth, to add to my previous message, now that I just read David's
> message,
> >> do you have a very basic Code of Conduct for your user group? If not,
> I'm
> >> happy to give you a copy of our SeaPHP's code of conduct. You may use
> the
> >> whole thing (open source!) and it's very short and precise, basically
> >> stating to be respectful to people, not harass people, not threaten
> people,
> >> or you will be removed from the user group. That way you have something
> to
> >> point them to, as a reasoning for their removal, rather than the "rules
> >> coming out of your mouth".
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>> On Wed, Jan 20, 2016 at 12:56 PM, Tessa Mero <[email protected]>
> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Hi Beth,
> >>>
> >>> The Seattle PHP User Group is dealing with an IDENTICAL issue. The
> person
> >>> has personality issues and a bit on functional psychotic side. He
> doesn't
> >>> corner people, but harasses people non stop about his fictional life
> >>> stories. Most of these stories are absurd and ridiculous, sometimes
> >>> disgusting. He has made numerous people uncomfortable and people are
> >> afraid
> >>> to be at a meetup near him. I've had people contact me in private
> fearing
> >>> his actions. (Such as, a group member has the same exact first name as
> a
> >>> famous person that the harasser does not like, and talks to him as if
> he
> >> is
> >>> that famous person and sends horrible letters to him frequently).
> >>>
> >>> So, as first steps, our organizers had a recent vote to remove the said
> >>> harasser from our mailing lists, so he now cannot receive email
> >>> notifications from our mailing list.  Since that sends a notification
> of
> >>> the removal, he sent a very disgusting message to us that made
> absolutely
> >>> no sense, but using disgusting words.
> >>>
> >>> I think the next steps would be removal from the meetup group, and if
> >>> harassment continues to group members, we may put a restraining order
> on
> >>> him.
> >>>
> >>> Your situation is the same, but a bit different with what's coming out
> of
> >>> the persons mouth. In this case, when you are repeatedly asking someone
> >> to
> >>> please stop something, and they continue, I'd assume it would be
> >>> harassment, and harassment should be leading to a ban.
> >>>
> >>> I'm open ears to hear other peoples suggestions as well. Thank you for
> >>> sharing Beth. This may open up others to share stories too, so we can
> all
> >>> give feedback to each other.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Tessa Mero
> >>> SeaPHP Organizer
> >>>
> >>> On Wed, Jan 20, 2016 at 12:31 PM, Beth Tucker Long <
> >>> [email protected]> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> We have a member who just started coming to our conference and user
> >> group
> >>>> meetings. At the conference, he consistently cornered people to talk
> to
> >>>> them about Jesus. He has started doing it at the meetings too. We have
> >>>> asked him to stop and explained that this is not an appropriate venue
> >> for
> >>>> these discussions and that the discussions need to stay PHP-focused.
> He
> >> has
> >>>> replied that he cannot stop talking about Jesus, and that if we want
> >> him to
> >>>> stop, we'll have to kick him out of the group. We responded with a
> firm
> >>>> response clarifying that our group is not the appropriate venue for
> his
> >>>> preaching and that discussions must stay on topic. We did not say he
> was
> >>>> banned from the group. He has not taken the hint and has now tried
> >>>> contacting the group leadership through the conference website (he
> >>>> apparently doesn't realize that we are the same people) asking for a
> >>>> face-to-face meeting to discuss these issues.
> >>>>
> >>>> Has anyone dealt with anything like this in their group? We do not
> want
> >>>> this to get ugly as we are a small group and this person has not
> caused
> >>>> issues in the past, so this is a new thing that started recently (in
> >>>> November). Any advice?
> >>>> Thanks,
> >>>> Beth
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> --
> >>>> Beth Tucker Long
> >>>> Treeline Design, LLC
> >>>> 807 Arbor Vitae Place
> >>>> Verona, WI 53593
> >>>> 608-770-6677
> >>>> http://www.TreelineDesign.com
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> --
> >>>> Usergroup Coordination Mailing List (http://ug.php.net)
> >>>> To unsubscribe, visit: http://www.php.net/unsub.php
> >>
>
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