WIP: The Quakes. Halfway. Some edits. Final version will arrive later. Major edits. Monica->Ann at grill and 'no blows to the head'.

<this version does include some work notes and timestamps, they will be gon=
e in the final. It covers the 1st hour and 20 minutes in all except Debi's =
crew. That chapter runs past 1h20.>

The "There's gunna be a Rumble" Battle Royal.
(Part of the ongoing "Hollywood Map to the Stars" trilogy.)
2/15/22

I: The Prank

OK. I am not a member of 'Fight Club'. One exists. It has for many, many, y=
ears. Since at least 570 ad.

It was founded by the person known as King Arthur today. You may 'Huzzah'.

This starts as a prank. A rather good one. I came up with it.

That prank involved Buddy Hackett, most of the Tonight Show, Peter O'Toole,=
 Steven Wright, Faye Dunaway, and Don Rickles. Also, last and least, Rodney=
 Dangerfield. It was designed by the author of the work you are reading. Al=
though some of the tech was in existence, such as satellite dishes.

I telepathically communicated the elements of this prank to Johnny Carson, =
one night on the show when he was hosting Rodney Dangerfield in 1981.

Buddy Hackett had been itching for years to guest host 'The Tonight Show'. =
In 1980 he even wanted to armwrestle Johnny Carson for a guest host spot.

Johnny one night called Buddy and said, "Would you like to guest host tomor=
row?" Buddy flew all the way from Atlantic City for the chance. At 4 pm he =
arrived at The Burbank Studios, the home of 'The Tonight Show'. Ed McMahon =
with a golf hat and a small bag of clubs greeted him, encouraged him, and s=
aid "You'll do a great job, check the stage desk drawer on the left for som=
e hooch."

Buddy went upstairs, had a shot of Jack Daniels, and toasted "To Frank!"

Dah dah dahh dahhhh dahh=E2=80=A6
So Buddy steps out of the curtains and flips the audience 'the bird'. Thing=
s devolve from there. Dangerfield is out in the audience, and he hollers "W=
here the fuck's Johnny?!" Buddy yells, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" Rodney le=
aves.

Buddy is a crowd-pleaser though. So he hollers "Fuck the monologue, I wanna=
 get Faye Dunaway out here, She's NUTS!" The crowd roars. The phone rings, =
Buddy yells "That's Peter O'Toole on the phone. Fucker is sick=E2=80=A6 SIC=
K DRUNK!" He strides over into Hollywood history.

"Hey Pete. Yah went to the fucking Clown Room. Serves yah right." and he ha=
ngs up.

Let's get that weirdo out here.

Steven Wright does a priceless 10 minute stand-up routine. Some of his grea=
test: his psychotherapist, his existential concerns, his relationship with =
God, and of course this one=E2=80=A6 "A beautiful woman moved in next door.=
 So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I w=
ill."

Steve's sittin' there. Buddy sez, "I don't even wanna talk to you" and yell=
s=E2=80=A6 "Bring fucking Rickles out!"
'The Matador' starts playing. Don parades out in his inimitable style. Unli=
ke usual at this point in his career, he's elected to do some standup and s=
tarts insulting the crowd like at his Vegas gig. He calls one a jagoff, he =
calls another a butthead, he slings and burns about 15 people based on them=
, their wives, or any family members they might have. Then he turns to Hack=
ett, and says to Doc Severinsen "Where the fuck's Johnny and who let the Ga=
rgoyle in?" Buddy jumps outta his chair and he and Don circle each other li=
ke pitbulls getting ready to throw. Then all bonhomie, he indicates the gue=
st chair, puts his arm around Don's shoulder, and says "I love yah Don, wel=
come to the show."

Don sits down, they start to talk about some old friends, Don tells a story=
 about being locked out of his house in his underwear and getting the cops =
called on him by the new neighbors. Buddy sez, "You want some hooch?" pulls=
 a fifth of Jameson Irish Whiskey out, Lifts it, and says "Fuck you, Johnny=
!" downs about 1/3 of it. hands it to Don, who follows suit, and Don passes=
 it to Steven who says "Really?" Buddy yells, "Faye Dunaway's NUTS! You'll =
want it." Steven's no fool, he douses the rest of the bottle.

Break time. Coffee is served and they first see HER. A figure swaddled in b=
lack diaphanous fabric. She looked like a Nazg=C3=BBl, a ghost, dark, a fac=
e but not visible, like drifting mystic robes. REALLY scary. She's in the w=
ings. She's Faye Dunaway's +1.

Her name is Jacqueline Malouf. She was and often is a friend of John Wayne'=
s. Nobody knew that until after the Northridge Quake-signaled Battle Royal.

So the commercial ends. Faye Dunaway walks out, kind of hounded looking, li=
ke someone's behind her, like Lorre at the end of 'M'. The shrouded figure =
can ALMOST be seen right behind the curtain as she steps out.

She stands dead center on stage, and says "YOU ALL ARE DOOMED!"

Then she walks over to the chair and sits down. Don drinks his coffee while=
 rattling the saucer.

She sits, looks off to her right and waves furtively.

Buddy is chewing on a pencil like a bone. Steven is perched on the edge of =
his chair.

She sits between Steven and Don even though she could take the chair by the=
 desk.

Buddy recovers. "Faye, How are you?" said warmly.

Faye looks at Buddy and says. "You're an asshole, where the fuck's Johnny?"

Buddy yells, "Get the fuck outta here!"

She exits, but not before the camera catches a glimpse of HER!

Buddy really didn't wanna screw around with a sketch, knowing he'd be drunk=
. He recovers quickly, says, "The question of the night seems to be Where T=
he Fuck's Johnny." I've prepared a series of diagrams to indicate. And he w=
alks over to a modified Art Fern (Johnny's crooked huckster) stand with an =
easel with big placards of which the exposed one says "Where the Fuck's Joh=
nny!"

Buddy gets behind the counter. Leans his hands on the counter. Cleans off t=
he prints with his tie. Then, pulls down the card to reveal a picture of Jo=
hnny with several dark haired hairy short muscular Serbian dudes massaging =
him. The caption which Buddy reads, says "Cheating on the wife."

Then, he pulls down the next card. Same picture. "Still cheating on the wif=
e."

Next card. A picture of Ed McMahon in boxers with a case of Budweiser half =
dusted on a crapass endtable, half-crocked in his chair. "Getting Pizza." A=
s with all photos the faces are obviously cropped in.

Then Buddy blows kisses at the crowd, says "Have a great night everyone! I =
just did. Get me the flock outta here!"

An SR-71 pilot is waiting for him at Burbank Airport.

On his way down the stairs to his Tonight Show limo, he took a puff of cann=
abis, he had suffered migraines in the past and had a savvy lawyer. It was =
legal for him to smoke then as long as it was not imported. About then the =
next flight down the stairs an usher said, "Buddy, Johnny is on the phone f=
or you." That usher was Sean Connery in disguise.

"Buddy! I heard yah did a great job, catch the ferry (what the Tonight Show=
 staff called the SR-71) back to Atlantic City and we'll discuss your compl=
imentary video of tonight's show tomorrow. Can I call you at Los Amigos dur=
ing happy hour?" Los Amigos was Buddy's favorite Mexican food place and wat=
ering hole. He was a regular.

"Johnny, sounds terrific, I'll be there about 5:30. 8:30 your time."

So Buddy went back to Caesar's, did his 11:20 set, and caught the last bit =
of his show on his suite's television set.

Next day he sleeps late, at 10a he runs some errands, at noon he has brunch=
, at 3 he lays back in his easy chair and takes a disco nap that he calls 2=
0 winks. Then he grooms himself a bit, and catches a cab to Los Amigos.

"Did you guys see me host The Tonight Show last night?" "Whaddayah mean?" s=
aid the bartender, "It was Johnny with Bob Hope, seven trucker ladies, and =
some comedian. Hold on, lemme answer the phone." He talks on the phone, "It=
's for you."

"Buddy, it's Johnny! Sorry we tricked you. Armwrestling my ass!"
"Johnny, you're a dick!"
Unbeknownst to Buddy, Johnny was workin' the bar in disguise. It was Ed McM=
ahon on the phone perfectly imitating Johnny's voice.
Just then, the real Johnny, who had been fiddling with the satellite settin=
gs after a game said, "Buddy! You're on TV." It was at the point of the tap=
ed show where he and Rickles were talking.

Buddy's jaw kinda sagged, then he barked into the phone, "You better fuckin=
' 'splain this asshole!"

Ed/Johnny said, "That's the feed of the tape on an old weather station out =
of Chicago. We can show that anywhere with a satellite dish that you can ch=
ange the settings on. Any time you want unless you pick up the tape. Do yah=
 forgive me? You'll throw great parties."

Buddy thought for a minute or two. He squinted a bit as he did.
"OK. But you gotta come to one of my parties."

Ed/Johnny: "Said, can we consider this a handshake."
Buddy: "Choo got it!"
---

II: The Lay of the Land

There are three locations that were used for the Battle Royal I'm about to =
describe. Two were merely where the reinforcements began. Caesar's Palace, =
Las Vegas, La Bella Cafe - San Diego, and Northridge near Chili's on Reseda=
. The other locations were merely and I know some of you snicker here, the =
paths on their journey to Chili's. Harold and Kumar weren't there.

The date was January 17, 1994, it started at 4:30:55a and ended at 3:33p. T=
here was a major aftershock 1 minute after the initial quake at 4:30:55a. a=
s well as the aftershock that ended the 'Battle of Northridge'.

There were two factions. The Greasers and The Blondes. Both fought admirabl=
y. The Greasers didn't have a name until they got about halfway up the 101 =
from Ventura. We'll talk about that later. The Blondes started calling them=
selves 'The Blondes' within minutes of the first quake. The temporary name =
of The Greasers (what the Blondes called them) was Those Assholes, You Assh=
oles, and several other expletives that are the rough but quite a bit more =
colorful equivalents of 'Those Assholes'.

The 101 corridor will often be referred to, it was 'The Road' and the road =
taken was the 101 Freeway from Ventura to Reseda Blvd.

The Ship... that was later named the "Make Me A Sandwich, Bitch!" was and s=
till is (with major repairs and I mean MAJOR) the Tole Mour from the Channe=
l Islands that that day was on a fishing trip just off San Diego. It was fi=
tted with a giant fiberglass muskie whose tail would wag back and forth and=
 propel the Tole Mour at about 45 mph. One of the superintendants of The Ca=
talina Island Marine Institute would regularly take it to good fishing spot=
s days that it was not in use. It was solar-powered. This WASN'T approved o=
f by the Catalina Island Marine Institute and they would be scandalized by =
some of the parties he threw. He has since retired. You know him as Arnold =
Schwarzzenegger, they had a different name for him, two different names act=
ually, he got fired once when he left some kegs on the forecastle deck.

I'll get to the players in a minute. Here's what the first wave (pre-reinfo=
rcements) were up to.

Most of the Greasers initial force were going about their day's work in Los=
 Angeles county, with about 150 in Northridge. The Blondes initial force we=
re largely doing the same with about 130 in Northridge, 20 in Santa Clarita=
, and the others mainly scattered along the 101 corridor. Those numbered ab=
out 50 apiece, they in both cases were referred to as 'The Recruits' althou=
gh some were seasoned Fight Club veterans.

Both sides also had 200 reinforcements: The Greasers from San Diego, The Bl=
ondes from Las Vegas.

The Players were as follows=E2=80=A6

The Cap'n's: Ed O'Neill & Debi Diamond
The Seconds: Arnold Schwarzzenegger, The Little Drummer Girl
The Standardbearers: Tom Cruise & Trevor Donovan
The Thieves: Jacqueline Malouf & Jeff Bridges.
The Spies: Steve McQueen & The Feral Kid
The Champions: Arnold Schwarzzenegger, The Little Drummer Girl, The Rock, H=
ulk Hogan,
The Bitch played by Ann Margret, Mr. McFuckyou played by Don Rickles,
Dom Deluise as Him.
And Featuring=E2=80=A6 Buddy Hackett as Mr. McGuffin

Those who have read this or were there probably know that after Arnold Schw=
arzzenegger lost his first bout, he was replaced as a second by 'The Wench'=
.

All the following events are a matter of non-public record and were approve=
d from The Oval Office, to the Chili's security guard and every point of la=
w enforcement in-between. There are fictional elements. Generally inconveni=
ent would it be to have the real names, locations, or places stated in this=
 work due to reputation, sales, or roughly although not always nationally, =
national security.

If you disagree with the elements of this narrative and are 'a member' just=
 tell your sensei that I the author 'am full of shit', or that 'it was popp=
ycock'. If you aren't a member, yell the same things outside most gyms with=
 boxing or dojos that train martial arts in the U.S., then leave and you ma=
y be invited to spar or be provided with training instructions so that you =
can spar regarding your claim. This is a work of fiction, the same as if I =
put fictional elements like "Lee Harvey Oswald's mistress" into a narrative=
 that was indicated as fiction about the JFK Assassination. It's enough to =
tell the tale, but the elements I add are far from whoppers.

I am a coordinator and will be for about 10 years. That means I designed th=
e above elements in some cases in conjunction with my co-coordinators and A=
ssistant Coordinator who some of you know as The Feral Kid. She had no know=
ledge of her coordination activities at the time of the quakes. She will be=
 the next coordinator sometime during the first half of 2032. She is aware =
of this. Now, so are you.

---
III: The Quakes

Part 1: Pre-quakes.

"Fuck doing inventory this early" said The Wench. She was at that time appa=
rently a high-school dropout in her 20s who worked under the table a lot. C=
urrently she was working for a guy who looked like Al fucking Bundy. It WAS=
 Ed O'Neill although he had another name. Later he revealed as Ed O'Neill.

"Maybe something better will come up." said Ed.

"You're a sleazebag. Still, you pay well and let me drunk on the job."

"I have no shame. I'd never push you into anything, or threaten your job. S=
till, it gives you an excuse to show me up to my staff as a bad example and=
 that makes me laugh."

"How's your yoga coming along."

"I will not, no matter how many times you beg or grovel; stick my head up m=
y ass." said Ed.

Meanwhile, far away in Northridge. A team of lawyers led by Ann Margret wer=
e getting their hair done before a dayjaunt to Las Vegas. They were gunna i=
nvestigate a couple of client's contacts that had reports of improper workp=
lace behaviors. If The Wench had known about their work, she'd have been ow=
ning Ed's pizza parlor. However, as Kitten Natividad she had plenty of loot=
.



Part 2: Hufftenharftencraffincorffintussemtossemdamandamnacosaghwubblewubbl=
ehashtoufeswchbechoscashlcarcarcarasshhhhhhhhhhhhh

"MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS OUTTA THE HAIR SALON! NOW!" screamed Ann Margaret. S=
he and many of the blondes had been knocked to the ground by the violence o=
f the quake. "I'm running over to get some McDonald's. It's gunna be a lonn=
nnnnnng day"

Then=E2=80=A6
ARRRASHAAABANKABANKABANKAFURROAOR - KABLANKA!

They had their sea legs by then. None fell. "THAT WAS AN AFTERSHOCK" the la=
wyer known as The Little Drummer Girl yelled. "WE'RE STILL GOING!" hollered=
 Ann. "Monica! Amy! Get in my car, it's unlocked. Now!" A gal who looks lik=
e a drill sergeant, and a gal who looks like Carly Simon with big gardening=
 hands both pile into the car. Ann hops into the driver seat. It's a red BM=
W E28 M5. "We're going through the parking lot. Fucking pussies won't move =
for 10 minutes." She hauls ASS through the parking lot and blips across Nor=
dhoff to McDonalds. The staff has opened the doors half an hour early becau=
se they had to leave the building and keep the doors open because of the qu=
ake, Mr. McFuckYou said "Awright quakes over, get back to prep." They were =
filing in as Ann hauled ass into the parking lot and pulled into the spot n=
ext to the handicapped space.

She jumped out of the car just as Mr. McFuckYou was finishing his smoke in =
the top trapezoid across from the handicapped spots. "I'm a lawyer and I'm =
Ann Margret. Will you please make some Big Macs for my legal team. I'll giv=
e you $200 for 20. No Fries." "Fuck you lady. We're probably going home. I'=
m just getting the prep done for lunch." "That's against policy anyway, yer=
 already fucked. Why don'tcha just take the $200." "Bitch! You can take you=
r $200 and shove it up your Malibu fucking ass." Ann gaped a bit, her jaw k=
inda hung slackly. "In fact bitch, you can take that $200 and buy yourself =
a fucking Mexican facelift. Then you can earn it back really quick." Tears =
came to Ann's eyes. Don continued=E2=80=A6 "Yah crying cuz you didn't get p=
aid for last night's blowjob?" That was it for Ann. The tears went straight=
 to rage eyes.

She threw a swinging back kick, knocking Mr. McFuckYou about a yard and a h=
alf over to the left. "Bitch! MAKE ME A SANDWICH!"

Don had spun about 45 degrees with the kick, and stumbled like a drunk head=
ed for the toilet to vomit.

He stood up. Grinned with his malice grin, and said=E2=80=A6 "You made me d=
rop my cigarette bitch. Why dont'cha pick it up, suck it, and I'll give yah=
 a dollar."

Then, he took a kung-fu stance, and beckoned.

She ran at him. Bad move.

Don stepped to his right, and threw himself on top of her as she splayed ou=
t against the ground. He supported his weight with his left leg rather than=
 smashing her by dragging it a bit to slow both their momentums. Then he sa=
t on her back and sed "Giddyup Cowgirl."

That was the first fight of 11 grueling hours. Don won soundly.

Her Gakusei dropped their heads a bit to indicate that Mr. McFuckYou was fa=
r beyond their abilities. Ann had let her rage drive her, rather than chall=
enge and engage. It was an even match, but Don had taunted her and well.

One of Don's employees had stepped out the door. Tapped Amy on the shoulder=
, and said, "Bitch, get that hasbeen the fuck outta our parking lot." Monic=
a said, "Lemme handle that asshole." Amy stepped aside and said "Be my gues=
t." The following is more of a sparring match. It was also to advance the p=
lot of the days activities. The fight was real, the outcome was assured by =
a great margin in Monica's favor. She was sparring with a worm, a 1st year =
member. She'd been in for 5 years. However, that worm, was 6 inches taller =
than her, and a pro wrestler with a shaggy haircut and grunge goatee. It wa=
s 'The Rock.' He was sure he'd get promoted to 5th year, Fighter.

Monica smiled, said, "You must have the teeniest dick ever." The Rock crack=
ed his knuckles and swung a gut punch. Monica stepped back, and while he wa=
s bent over, grabbed his shoulders and threw him to the ground. That would =
have been the end of the spar. However, this is the scripted part, he grabb=
ed for her leg to pull it from under her. She stepped good and hard on his =
hand. It was clear that The Rock was going to have to do some Tai Chi. Then=
, Amy hollered as loud as she could. "IT'S FUCKING FIGHT CLUB BITCHES!"

Then, this schlubby blond guy comes up to Monica and says, "You are awesome=
. Will you be my sensei?" He'd seen the fight. "We'll see how you do today.=
 I'm at O'Melveny, ask for Monica in Labor"

"I saw the other fight too. I think you two are awesome. These staff guys l=
ook pissed."


Part 3: Why The Wench was made second.

OK. Before we get started with the festivities, I want you all to know abou=
t The Wench and her job interview. It'll prove that that woman was no patsy=
, victim, or anything except a realllly funny woman who was extremely happy=
 that her boss let her put him down all the time and gave her some realllly=
 funny excuses to. She could've had her own restaurant easy, she just liked=
 workin' bar, and talkin' smack.

The Wench: "Can I work under the table?"
Dah Boss: "Wanna work under my desk?"
The Wench "I'll brain you with a fucking bottle."
Dah Boss: "You're hired."

If this were a Married with Children episode, and I were doing the Don Pard=
o voiceover, here's where I'd say "Al thinks he's gunna be gettin' some=E2=
=80=A6 All he's gunna get is kicked in the balls."

Think Carla Tortelli lookin' like a porn star with some street fighting ski=
lls that'd leave Rocky reeling.


Part 4: The First Melee

Steve McQueen (the schlubby blond guy) really didn't want to fight the assh=
oles comin' out the door. He knew he could beat them. He'd come a long way =
since Harry Houdini kicked his ass back in 1980. He probably would have bea=
t Harry this day. Still, Harry had a lot of tricks up his sleeve, and was n=
ever a member of Fight Club although for 5 years he was a coordinator. He d=
esigned Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941. There are a couple others the lay r=
eader would recognize as well. I'll tell yah one later, in Sons of Houdini.

What Steve McQueen was really there for, was to see if he could pick up on =
Monica. Her face was a bit harsh, but her body was bangin'. He was a 10, he=
 didn't need her as a sensei. She knew this as Milla Jovovich, but her char=
acter didn't. While she was kinda flattered, him being Steve McQueen and al=
l. If she could tell her character, her character would wanna stomp him thr=
ough the wall, for using the Teacher-Pupil relationship to get in the sack =
with her. It happens a lot in Fight Club, when a member is bringing in a ne=
w character. This wasn't that, this was Steve wantin' to fuck her.

Still, none of the guys visible (some were women) were over 7, and Amy was =
a 12. She could take 3 of them quickly, then save the 7 either to advance M=
onica, or for a nice finale. Monica might have a tussle with the 4. The 2 a=
nd the 3, she'd take out first. The three that Amy would take out were 4,5,=
 & 6 respectively. Don was a good sensei, as they came out the door they li=
ned up as described. The carriage of Amy and Monica showed them as at least=
 10 and 5 respectively and Amy's 4 had sparred with Monica before and REALL=
Y disliked Joan Crawford aka Amy. He was Pee-Wee Herman, looking like Paul =
Reubens with red hair and a strawberry blonde mustache.

So as described in their analysis, all except Danny Trejo (a 7 as Danny's c=
haracter, he couldn't advance against Amy although his primary character wh=
ich will be discussed later in this portion was a 40, he and Joan Crawford =
in her primary fighter were matched sparring partners.) were out within sec=
onds. Milla cleared them with foot sweeps and fist delivered coup de gr=C3=
=A2ces. She was really fast back then. Then, the first wave of blond lawyer=
s and their assistants pulled in in 7 more BMW E28 M5s. This wasn't a dojo.=
 These weren't pupils. With 30 more combatants, Danny was whupped, he could=
n't spend the 5 minutes it would take to insult Amy before he 'lost' so he =
skedaddled. This moment was scripted too. The Blondes had heard Amy's holle=
r and knew they'd have to find a defensible location with plenty of booze, =
and a fair amount of food. Fuck if they wanted to go through a day of Fight=
 Club hungry and sober. ^+20

Now essentially this was a display of Ann and Mr. McFuckYou's respective do=
jos. Steve was present and might have pitched in in any rout. He may at som=
e times be referred to as Steve Mac, because later in the day's agenda, the=
re's Steve Mar. Here. As in=E2=80=A6 Steve Mac was kickin' back, when a mul=
ticultural team of all hair colors as well as none pulled in with their BMW=
 attack. They splayed out like a hand holding a deck of 5 cards or like a f=
an, or a palm frond's. And that was at this point, the main force of The Bl=
ondes. 37 people as well as 2 non-member canines. Now Danny had split, but =
Don was just hangin' out. His dojo had been tromped, although if a good pit=
ched battle had arrived, he and Ann Margret might have pitched in. She was =
smoking a cigarette, and thinking of breakfast. Don said, "Lady, you're tea=
m was the best. Feel free to hang out while my team makes you breakfast and=
 for all, for the sum total of $1."

Ann finally grinned. She wasn't cryin', but she was filled with those warm =
hearted tears when someone has done you a much needed solid. "Thank you Ann=
, you have schooled my team. It'll take 'em about 15-20 minutes in the mean=
time, who wants cokes?!" ^+23

Part 5: The 5 bombs of The Little Drummer Girl

Danny hauled ass. He made the Post Office in 4 minutes flat. He did a doubl=
e double finger whistle, and 20 people appeared, 2 ran for their rides, the=
 rest limbered their legs when they saw Danny winded. "McDonalds South, Now=
!" ^+25

Those postpeople had never moved so fast, they were up to Plummer Street 20=
 seconds later. At just before 5 am the traffic was sparse, but they had to=
 split into 2 groups at Plummer. ^+25.3 2 LAPD squad cars pull up. 2 cops s=
tep out. 1 other cop is in the East Squad Car.  "There's a bomb threat! Get=
 back from the Chevron. They called it in, they're already out!" ^+26.5 The=
 Southern team of postpeople were on the east side of Reseda, so they moved=
 back to Rite-Aid. Then, the Chevron exploded with 4 giant plumes of fire. =
^28 A few of the cars across Reseda were so hot their gas tanks exploded. I=
t was like a warm zephyr of heat along the side of Rite Aid, and like going=
 into a room with a warm lit fireplace for the Postpeople across Plummer (s=
ay that 3x fast.) There wasn't much wind so the debris was ok. At 30 minute=
s after the quake exactly, the cops waved the postpeople forward, and they =
continued to run towards McDonalds. When does that ever happen? They ran in=
 a group down Reseda, then the Jack in the Box blew up and the cops that ha=
d gathered started running towards Jack in the Box. ^33. The Jack in the Bo=
x wasn't a full demolition, it was the Reseda side dining room and mainly t=
o attract the cops. The Little Drummer Girl was making sure that these post=
folk weren't some kind of fuckups. The cops couldn't impede them, they want=
ed them outta there anyway. Had one of them confronted or challenged the co=
ps, all heck might have broken loose. They kept loping down unimpeded after=
 that. But they knew to expect an investigation of whereever they were last=
 seen going towards. So they hollered towards the dojo, "COPS IN 10 MINUTES=
"

Part 6: What Mr. McFuckYou was up to.

So as soon as Mr. McFuckYou went in to the McDonalds, He signaled to Pee-We=
e Herman to start making cokes, 20 of 'em. He picked up the phone. +25

At the other end, Ed O'Neill picked up the phone.
"Ed, (not the name used, but the name I'll be using in this work) you need =
to call Arnie, get about 200 naval personnel and he'll pick you up in launc=
hes at South Coronado at 5:30. Don't fuck this up."
"Fuck yeh Don! I'm on it. I'm bringin' Molly. She'll have a few too."
"Yeh, she always does."
The line went dead. +26


Part 7: To the "Bitch, Make Me A Sandwich!"

"Molly! We got Fight Club. Call your girls you got 5 minutes, they have to =
be at South Coronado at 5:30. So tell Him to arrange separate transport."=
=20

"Awright Cap'n Ed. On Line 2."

"Arnie. get your bitch up to Coronado we're going to L.A. We'll need 5 laun=
ches. More even maybe."

"Molly, 3 minutes, grab your bottle."

"They'll be there. Him is already there."

"He was at the dojo, he'll be there as we launch."

They both grabbed their jackets and rushed out the door. +30

"We need to stop at South Bay Probation. I got three girls to pick up there=
."

"Oooooh. A foursome."

"Just think about where those golf clubs will be going."

Vrooom!


Part 8: McDonalds Mayhem.
"They cut my line. Danny will take 10 minutes. He'll have some Heavy Hitter=
s. Act nice and make 'em their sannniches. They won't be eating them. I'll =
go handle them." +26

"Hey folks, whaddayah know folks, I'll have fries for yah toooo."

"Where yah headed?"

"Vegas, mebbe." said Ann.

"Wanna call ahead? They might be worried." +29

From the rooftop, a stentorian female voice, from a woman who looked like D=
iane Keaton in a M1951 Field Cap, with a satchel, khakis, with a fat blunt =
wrapped as a cigar. "It's a Trap! The lines are cut. Form up!" Don ran insi=
de, threw the bolt and he and his team started lining up waste bins against=
 the doors.

Then=E2=80=A6 behind the Drummer Girl=E2=80=A6 there was a turrible explosi=
on as the gas station went up. "There'll be another explosion in 3 minutes"=
 then she pulled a trigger in her right hand and the doors to the McDonald'=
s blew open. "There are 40 of us, 5 that rank McFuckFace, they'll come out =
without a problem"

Behind 'Drums' Don cleared his throat. She whirled. Don had climbed up thro=
ugh a 50s roof access. "That's MISTER MCFUCKYOU to you," said Don. Drums to=
ok a stance and beckoned. Don, a 12 vs. Drums 11 said "If you want to advan=
ce, come gimme a kiss, but you'll have to catch me first" and he jumped dow=
n into a tree and scrambled down. Then he ran North on Reseda.

Drums yelled, "DON'T FOLLOW HIM HE'S TRYING TO SPLIT OUR FORCES"

"Amy you still want a new BMW? Park yours in front of the exit door. We're =
gunna have company."=20
Another explosion went off behind Drums as she clambered down towards the p=
arking lot door.
From up Reseda all combatants heard the words "COPS IN 10 MINUTES." ^35

Part 9: Don's run. ^34
Don ran to the North on Reseda, then the Jack in the Box blew up and he sto=
pped, tipped his visor back, and said "Bitch is loco!" then he heard that t=
he cops were coming. So he whistled with his thumb and finger at the corner=
 of his mouth and hollered "CHOP STOP!" then he started loping towards Prai=
rie. He stopped to breathe for a minute, and Steve Mac grabbed him by the s=
houlder. "You're a fucking asshole!" said Steve. Don grabbed for the hand o=
n his shoulder, the hand was already gone. Steve was REALLY fast. Don spun =
around, grabbed for Steve's shirt and Steve bowled him over, then like a hi=
gh school wrestler pinning, he dropped on top of Don with his arm over his =
collar bone and won the match. Steve advanced to 12, and as a pittance whic=
h we'll discuss soon, he grabbed Don's visor, and ran across Dearborn towar=
ds the NW. ^40

Part 10: What is a pittance?
From the days of King Arthur, a pittance has been the 'prize' of Fight Club=
 matches. Usually it is agreed upon in advance. Sometimes when in formation=
s or a busy combat zone it is forgone or booty is grabbed, something unagre=
ed upon that remains below roughly a 2021 $30 US Dollar. Often far less. So=
metimes even a candy bar or a shiny penny, or a shoelace, or in Arthur's Da=
y, a lady's scarf.

There were no pittances in the melee above. It was an exhibition match betw=
een Dojos. The match between the senseis of those Dojos: Don - Kung Fu & An=
n - Jiujitsu the pittance was whether Don's or Ann's team would defend. Ann=
's Team did, because the pittance was extended to the students to decide, a=
 common practice in Fight Club. A coin flip is a 15th century extension of =
a match to decide team positions. It still exists in several sporting event=
s.

Part 11: The Spy

Steve waddled down the street into the alley behind Chop Stop wearing Don's=
 visor. Nobody saw him until he was walking from the Mexican place towards =
the Dentist. Then, Danny yelled. "That shit looks better on Don, you better=
 run." Steve did. There were 21 of them, and he was never good at Blackjack=
. So Steve busted a move and broke in to the Dentist office. Where he reali=
zed, that he wouldn't be drinking this Fight Club, as he spied 2 nice tanks=
 of Nitrous aka Laughing Gas.

A small squad of 'Those Assholes' followed him. Most were 9 or 10s. He disp=
atched them. 1 was a 12. Steve tackled him and sat on him. Match over, the =
12 was 140 lbs. Steve was about 320. "Get the fuck outta here!" Steve yelle=
d. They all ran back towards the main group. They knew that Steve would hol=
e up somewhere and they'd deal with him later.

However, the 12 stayed behind and said "Are you committed to a team yet?" S=
teve said "I'm probably with 'The Blondes.'" and that was how The Blondes g=
ot their name. They were about 45% blondes at this point. "I know you're af=
ter the pussy, we got pussy, 2 way hotter at least. Wanna be our spy?" "Nam=
e them" said Steve. "Dominique Simone & Nicole Kidman" said Eric Roberts. "=
Deal" said Steve, "We win? I get a threesome with them." Eric said "Done, I=
 work with them and they loved Steve McQueen, you don't even have to get le=
an."

Eric left. Steve picked the phone up and Amy picked up on the Teams line. A=
 1990s chunky cellphone. "Who's this." "The fat guy from the parking lot, I=
'm a 12, I want to set up a communications center." "Good I'm sick of luggi=
n' this piece of junk." "Kings Burgers and Sushi, It'll be up in 20 minutes=
. Then drop off the Teams phone before noon" "It will be clearly marked Com=
munications with a bell on the glass. They have to take the command center =
before they can even find out where we are, and they've already headed Hell=
o?" ^49

Part 12: Danny and the Posters.

"They're in the McDonald's" Danny hollered. "I can see our guys trying to h=
otwire a car, they're gunna ram, stand back and get through that hole about=
 30 seconds later" The car started about 100 yards away. They sounded the h=
orn. A fanfare. "Oh FUCK! That's Him's car!" "Keep your eyes peeled for a f=
at asshole with a mustache. Tell 'em it's fight club and we're with McFuckF=
ace. It will be paid for." ^48

Part 13: Him.

Him was walking down the street from the Aspire Apartments at Cal State Nor=
thridge. He'd just heard from The Wench that Fight Club was on and that McF=
uckFace's McDonalds (say THAT 3x fast) was where the fight was instigated. =
Instigation of Fight Club activities is key and usually where the story beg=
ins. Him always liked to see them. He was a 20 at the beginning of this cha=
pter. He'll be 50 by the time this story ends. He also retires before the s=
tory is over. I mean how do you beat that? As he passed the Japanese place,=
 he heard his horn go off. Sounded his fanfare, and he was no longer his mi=
ld mannered secret identity but Him. His costume was at the cleaners, but h=
is mask sure wasn't, and he pulled it on. ^48 He dressed like the dorks in =
'Pulp Fiction" except with a sweatshirt and a red and black as he called it=
... "FatMask" with the word CHAOS emblazoned upon it.

Then he started wobbling towards his car while hollering, "Leave the FatMob=
ile the FUCK alone!" Too late though, he heard a slam, ^49 and heard the wo=
rds "Sorry, it's Fight Club." His anger faded, his face turned from ticked =
to resolute. He knew that it would be paid for. Then he saw Ann. "Ann!" he =
yelled, and he waved gleefully like a smitten schoolboy. He was a big fan. =
Ann flipped him The Bird from inside the McDonalds. ^51

Part 14: San Diego some more.

So speaking of secret identities, Steve Martin is also a Naval Commander. H=
e had 174 crew available on an off day which today was likely to be. Clemen=
te would be busy, San Diego would probably just be on-call for any larger q=
uakes. They'd want the ships in too in case of tsunami activity. He asked t=
hem if they'd like to do some training. One of the guys that transferred fr=
om Hueneme asked if they could cuss on this training. Steve smiled, and sai=
d "Up Yours." Bruce Willis spoke loudly, "It's Fight Club, gentlepeople."

Over 150 people grabbed their caps and ran for the beach. ^50.

Steve made sure they heard as they left, "They're bringin' some ladies too.=
 Be nice, most are higher ranks than you."

Part 15: The Feral Kid.

Molly: "No, I don't wanna see the strippers by the naval base after Fight C=
lub."
Ed: "When you working"
Also Ed: "OWWWW!"

Molly: "Just haul ass in to the back parking lot. Fishtail and burn to call=
 any stragglers."
Ed: "OK. I won't sue for you pinching the hell outta me."
Molly: "You're the worst lawyer ever."
Ed: "Hold on to the strap."
<Skids into the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu parking lot and burns the tires.>
Ed: "There's the Maulers, Annie and Rhonda ride with us. They aren't titans=
."
Molly <Looking in the passenger side mirror.>: "Did you ever see 'The Road =
Warrior?'"
Ed: "Only about 500 times."
Molly: "The Feral Kid's comin' up behind us."
Ed: "He's over 20."
Molly: "The actor that played him. But dressed as him."
Ed: "This is gunna be a good one."
The Feral Kid walked up. "I'll give a bottle of hooch for a ride to Fight C=
lub."
Ed: "Cash or carry, Buddy."
Feral took off his backpack. It was purple. 1.75 liters. Crown Royal.
"There yah go. Can I smoke in the car? Fuck the seatbelts."
Ed: "Hold on. Left passenger's broke" (He indicated with his thumb) "and I =
want this lady on the outside passenger. Get the door for the ladies."=20
2 gals built like Margaret Cho climbed into the back seat. Molly followed. =
"Gimme that bottle." And she hoisted it outta Feral's hands.
Ed: "Save some Molly."
Molly: <glug, glug, glug> "Too late."
Again Molly: "Kidding."
Ed: "Pass it to yah girls, I don't want 'em to have to carry you in."
Molly: "Nope! Yah tried that on me before. Then you threw it out the window=
. MINE!"
Again Molly: "I'll pay for gas." and she pitches a $20 up. 1hr 10.

Part 16: Ann's Call.

OK. In most skirmishes with reinforcements, 1 call is allowed. The reinforc=
ements generally don't get another call until they get to a place to strike=
 or sortie from. That isn't written in stone, but it's how it usually plays=
 out. Here's Ann's. She picked up Amy's handheld cell just after they went =
into the McDonalds. She called Debi Diamond who lived in Santa Monica, but =
had been partying in Vegas since her Adult Video News Female Performer of t=
he year award on January 8. She's also who Ann was going up to investigate =
rumors of intimidating women backstage at the event by event organizers.

"Debi. This is Ann. All hell is breaking loose here. We're at the McDonalds=
 on Nordhoff and Reseda. Call me on Amy's for now."

Part 17: Debi's End
She's at a unnamed Hotel pool. Her team except for the 19 guys and gals she=
's umm=E2=80=A6 entwined with consists of 180 film industry professionals i=
ncluding support team and legal. They're a mobile studio of sorts=E2=80=A6 =
often released under Caballero Home Video. Jason Bateman's idea, before he =
played Jason Bateman. They had a fleet of matching BMW E28 M5s there were o=
ver a hundred of them, so they'd sent a few to Ann's team to pay for occasi=
onal legal bills after Debi won the AVN award. Especially regarding piracy =
of her work.

7 cars sped from Deb's hotel to Caesar's Palace. They're leaving in 20 minu=
tes from Caesars. 15 to the 210. A 4 hour 20 minute trip. On most days. We'=
ll be checking back with them later.

Part 18: Ann calls Feral
"Sup Ann." He had Caller ID.
"Look, there are a bunch of assholes comin' up from South Coronado. Would y=
ou be my spy? Free legal for life."
"Plus a quarter-cask of Laphroaig"
"Since you only need to get your side-bets on Gibson's royalties usually, I=
'm good"
"Deal. Where?"
"The Brazilian Jiujitsu near you!"
"I'm there. Total expenses, mebbe a new costume, and 1 handle of Crown Roya=
l."=20
"Noted"

Part 19: Debi Calls Cesar at the Caesar.
Taking care of business is one of the things Debi does best. The next call =
she made was to Cesar Romero playing some guy named Billy Something. We'll =
refer to him as such. It's what she always called him.
 He was the best acquisitions for Caesar's Palace's liquor, and if it was a=
vailable in America or you could wait a day, he'd get it for you.
"Ce-sarr=E2=80=A6 I need a fay-vorrr." "I'll do anything for Fight Club." "=
I need a quarter-cask of Laphroaig 16 y.o. delivered to Nordhoff Hall at CS=
U Northridge by noon.
"It's free, however you can favor a do me." (what he actually said) "I need=
 a signed autograph photo that says "To Hef, Wuv, The Divine Miss Diamond."
"Scavenger Hunt?"
"Scavenger Hunt."
"Done!"

Part 20: Debi calls Drew.

"Drew. You have lawyers that dress as old ladies today?" "Bridge tourney, l=
ike clockwork, great chablis." "Plan on being at Chili's on Reseda at 5:00p=
 with all 19 of them." "Did you feel that Qua"<click.>

Part 21: Debi calls 'Dah Principal'
"Dingleputh, I've missed you sir." "Ohh yoo know I haf so many warm feeling=
s in my heart about yoo too." "Can you please find it in your heart to let =
100 of your students and your ten burliest bus drivers go on a field trip w=
here they pick them up at home." "Oh of course! It will gif dem much needet=
 educamation this day. We'll say they are going to San Diego where they mig=
ht be safer"=20
The students and bus drivers were undercover law enforcement some as small =
as 4' some as tall as 5'10' with all weight ranges. All were at least 21.
"Rufus T. Dingleputh, remind you to give me your cheek to kiss." "I'll neve=
r forget."
Now, I have to spoil a bit, Dingleputh ended up a Greaser, but at this poin=
t he was just providing opportunity for many otherwise very bored officers.=
 This stated here to avoid having to remind you of his students mid-action.

Part 22: Inside McDonalds
"Amy, toss me your phone." "Debi. This is Ann. All hell is breaking loose h=
ere. We're at the McDonalds on Nordhoff and Reseda. Call me on Amy's for no=
w." "They're gunna ram, the fire door is reinforced. They'll come through t=
he dining room" Honk Honk Honk Honk Honnnnnnk. Amy said. "Aww fuck, they're=
 gunna waste the FatMobile." "Get back, get as many trays as you can, and M=
onica, check the back for more."

Monica ran. There were 20 she grabbed them, that made about 56 trays. "Ther=
e's two per combatant" she said. Drums said, I'm going to round up some rei=
nforcements with Steve Mac. Push the Grill out to Reseda with the booster s=
eats if they break through. Debi will probably want us at Chili's, but ther=
e's a Pioneer Chicken or something across the way if she needs siege equipm=
ent. =20

Part 23: What happened to South Bay Probation?
That's what Molly called the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Dojo. You'll hear why late=
r.

Part 24: More in McDonalds
Don stuck his head in. "The Blondes at McDonalds, you were born burger-flip=
pers."

Monica spun popped a tray off of his apron. Don snapped his fingers.=20

Here's where I need to tell you something. There are no blows to the head a=
llowed in Fight Club. Some of our most brilliant people as well as great fi=
ghters fight there. No concussive force to the head is the essential rule. =
There is ONE exception. There are 'dentists' that trained at knocking ailin=
g teeth out if they were needing pulled anyways. Pretty much anyone over le=
vel 30. That's why after 5 - Fighter, 10 - Warrior, and a few others, comes=
 30 - Dentist. There are dental exhibitions. Still, the no concussive force=
 to the head rule stands. Although you can grab someone's head, you can't h=
it it, or slam them where their head hits or is joggled hard. The fights ar=
e unparalleled, however, some are told, when they ask, they can join a boxi=
ng league, or wrestling, or MMA if that is how they want to fight. Most sti=
ll stay and follow the rules in Fight Club.=20

Don's snap started a flow of fighters, 20 were sliding over the hood of the=
 FatMobile-- a 1980s sedan, an Olds Toronado. Monica, Amy and two of the el=
der Gakusei were flinging trays while Ann was cooking McPizza's on the gril=
l. She'd skipped breakfast and was hungry so had a brilliant idea. "Save th=
e last tray she hollered."

The other pupils were sitting on the floor, watching the exhibition. Each t=
ray hit an invader, the McJobs and the Posters. One arm, then the other arm=
. Nerve flings. They were incapacitated and sat down because they couldn't =
use their arms. Now it was Don's turn to drop his jaw. They'd recover (Don =
too) in about 10 minutes. The last invader only got one arm hit. His left. =
It was Danny. He took a firm stance and beckoned to Amy. Amy was a 12 at th=
at point. She just laughed and strolled over. Danny grabbed her phone off h=
er belt hook and beat her twice with it at the mid-arm nerve centers that A=
my had just demonstrated. Amy sat down, practically in shock. Danny waved a=
t Monica. Monica sat down. Still, there was one tray left. And Ann came out=
 with a fry basket filled with hot McPizzas. They were hot but not enough t=
o burn. Although they were a little too hot to carry 2 stacks of them. Ann =
WAS pretty hungry. So she bared her pearly whites and tooka bite and flung =
the pizza. It splatted on Don's shirt. Then she flung another pizza and it =
hit Danny's crotch. Pretty hard too. He groaned a little bit. 2 more of tho=
se and he'd have to sit down. She took another bite and one more followed. =
He had to sit down. The food was doing her morale great.

Don stepped forward and said, "I love Pizza!" Ann flung a pizza with a big =
bite out of it and an extra firm crust at the side of his face and knocked =
a tooth out. "How yah gunna do that with no teef?" Then she flung another P=
izza and knocked another tooth out. Don was getting implants, his teeth wer=
e relatively healthy, but he knew the signs that it'd be like a couple of r=
oot canals as well as X-Rays and then he'd probably need implants anyways d=
ue to Coca-Cola. He didn't like dentists, so he had them removed by Ann who=
 while a 20 the same as Don had been training at Profether Dingleputh's Spe=
cial FX house. Where throwing discuses and bopping mannequin's heads with q=
uarterstaves etc. could be explained to any observers. Dingleputh was a 70.=
 That's like Chuck Norris to you and me. Hulk is like 90s. However, that is=
 as a Sensei. He fought as a 50, although he had other characters with high=
er fighting ranks including a 70 that he retired in 1979, a cowboy named Jo=
hn Wayne.

"Awright, I'll make you assholes breakfast. But then GET THE FUCK OUTTA HER=
E!"

He meant it this time. It was 1 hour and 20 minutes since the aftershock. T=
hey have lunch breaks and sometimes a dinner break too. ^1hr20

Part 25: Drums makes a friend.

She clambered off the roof. "Ann, I want to set up a communications center.=
" "Steve Mac's already got it. It's at King's Burgers and Sushi near the Po=
st Office." "Also Ann, you probably wanna flip Fat Boy the bird." Ann looks=
. "On it" Drums leaves as Amy is pulling her car up. "Amy, please call me i=
n 30 minutes at King's Burgers." "Choo got it, dentist lady." Drums starts =
loping up towards Plummer along the alleys and parking lots about 70 yards =
West of Reseda. She sees that it will be evenly matched with the Posters an=
d the McJobbers. So she keeps goin' even though she could wipe out that who=
le team. We'll discuss this later during 'The Banquet.' 7 minutes later she=
's at King's Burgers. She spies Steve Mac with two tanks of nitrous and a g=
as mask and hose over his shoulder. "Lemme get the door for you." She picks=
 the lock deftly, under 4 seconds. "Thank you blonde lady." said Steve. Dru=
ms follows him in and swoops the table set off the counter, pulls up a 3rd =
chair and Steve lays one tank on the split between table panels and sets th=
e other on the floor leaning up against it. "I haven't tried this stuff sin=
ce the 70s. I usta love it." "I remember" says Drums, "You beat the pants o=
ff me twice in 1975. Once cuz I craned my neck to see why you'd slowed down=
 even with those huge tanks on the roof. We were going wayyyy faster than I=
 was used to." "Pick up the phones and I'll set it up." "The phones are ver=
ified" said Drums, "They should be having breakfast, I'll strollllllll back=
." Steve offers her the mask. She inhales. "Niiiiiice." She was already pre=
tty stoned, It kind of put a glisten on her high, she liked it. "Thanks Ste=
ve. If you got some later I'd like to do some focus tunnels." "You got it l=
ady." said Steve. ^1h20

Part 26: Boarding

Ed saw that the skimboard ramp was up and the launches were departing. All =
but one were filled with sailors. The one in front of the skimboard ramp wa=
sn't. It would be a 30 ft jump, coming in at a high angle, with 15 feet to =
brake. Piece of cake. "Get your belts on ladies, Feral and I have already."=
 Ed floors it.

30 seconds later Ed asks, "Permission to come aboard." He doesn't have to, =
it being a launch but he likes being pesky sometimes. So does Bruce Willis.=
 "No." he said. "Ahh shut up, what's for breakfast?" "There are a mess of H=
ot Pockets in the microwave up front." Bruce was a 30 at this point, althou=
gh his Jeffery Hunter character had been a 50. He liked to scrap and not ju=
st be in master's combats. Ed was a 50, although there'd been discussion a =
few months before about his accession in a points win against Dingleputh. T=
hat'll probably come up at the banquet, although there's going to be a lot =
of stuff before Dingleputh's retirement. He retired every year. ^1hr20











4:30:55
4:32:00
'40 Debi +20 Beemers
'40 Cap'n Ed
'1h Ann Calls Feral.
'1h5 Feral Kid
+1h10 Beemers Away
^1h10 Boarding
^1h20 Departure
+1h50 The Attempted Wenching
+1h57 The Pooping Time.
+2h15 Skirmishes for advancement. "Let's see if any of you are worth a shit=
."
+3h15 "Speed this bitch up."
+3h30 "Speedin'er up."
+3h45 "The Little Drummer Girl"
+4h20 Ventura Harbor
+4h50 Wheels mounted
+5 Grease.
+6h Beemers arrive
Danny & The Posters perform.
+6h30 Sortie
+7h20 Taco Bell
+7h45 Muh Fuckin' Corndog
+7h50 Deploy
+8h20 Pussy Wagons Ahoy.
+8h30 The Broken Mast
+10h Bowling for Shit
+10h35 The Little Drummer Girl's Revenge.
+10h40 Get The Fuck Outta Here!
+11h2m The Rumble.





=20






=20






https://groups.google.com/g/alt.comedy.vaudeville
Vegas reinforcements arrive +6


ALF on a Stick, Death to Blondz, Doom.
The Coke Platter.
The Outrigger w/ Grapefruit 'spud cannons' =3D Pussy Wagons with 'cowcatche=
r' teeth.
Arnold Schwarzzenegger G, The Little Drummer Girl B, The Rock G, Hulk Hogan=
 B, The Bitch played by Ann Margret B, Mr. McFuckyou played by Don Rickles =
G. Dom Deluise as Him. G
The Outrigger w/ Grapefruit 'spud cannons' =3D Pussy Wagons with 'cowcatche=
r' teeth.

Buddy Hackett as Mr. McGuffin. B


---
IV: The Banquet

---

V: Aftermath

The end result of all of the above was a tamping of the loosened geological=
 elements to avoid sinkholes or anymore heavy aftershocks. All the combatan=
ts recovered from their insult, humiliations, and injuries. Although as you=
 know some of them, as well as their wins and losses; you have taunts if yo=
u're a member and want to advance. Use them wisely.

I want to thank you all for your patience in my coordination team's develop=
ment. Most of all. I want to thank Rodney Dangerfield. Also known as Harry =
Houdini. For his geological constructs, designs, and knowledge both learned=
 and applied. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

p.s. Connery has the visor.

=20

The Champions
There were 7.
Arnold Schwarzzenegger G, The Little Drummer Girl B, The Rock G, Hulk Hogan=
 B, The Bitch played by Ann Margret B, Mr. McFuckyou played by Don Rickles =
G. Dom Deluise as Him. G

Buddy Hackett as Mr. McGuffin. B Sensei to the 7. They have to take him out=
. He's won Fight Club the last 2 years running. We'll discuss those years l=
ater in 'Sons of Houdini'.


Dearborn
Nordhoff
Rayen
Parthenia

Reseda
Etiwanda
Lindley

Vedro mentr'io sospiro. Tiny's choice.