Kids & "lying" (formerly Re: Introductions)

Hi Wayne and Diana,

> Diana wrote:
> I think we adults largely have forgotten the days when imagined things
> became real. We throw around words like archetype and forget how close
> those intuitions/instincts/understanding are in our psyches. Children
> have not developed the convenient categories like truth and lies into
> which things/actions can be sorted. 
> 
I think we adults are better at hiding it from ourselves that much of
what we imagine as real is only our own projection.  So, in this way,
maybe we are more like kids than we imagine.  Just like the kid that
says honestly, "I didn't break the lamp" --  because the events that
led up the the lamp being broken is a causal sequence of which they
were only one piece.  As adults we are better at projecting this
causal sequence -- something that kids haven't learned to do at young
ages.  Yet, sometimes there are even better 'explanations' for what
happened than 'we caused it to'.  

Wayne wrote:
> I don't think we adults (at least this one) have forgotten--at least
I hope not.  I may have added categories and ways of sorting along the
way--you know to be more "adultlike".  And decades later I am
delighted to rediscover some of that fuzziness between imagined things
and reality.  I wonder if sometimes feelings triggered by present
circumstances (like change) track back to an earlier time when
something imagined became real though the details may have long since
faded.  
> 
The joy of digging down and discovering that we were pretty okay as
kids -- and recovering our kidness is pretty cool. (Okay, pronoun
police -- . . that I was pretty okay as a kid and recovering MY
kidness is pretty cool).

> I remember resisting starting our own business (my wife and I)
because I imagined that for a period of time I would have to depend on
her and her corporate job for my financial obligations. The plan was I
would get the business started and at some point she would quit her
corporate job and join me.  It took us a while to figure out why I was
resisting. I felt I would be violating a rule I got as a youngster. 
The rule was, "I must always pay my own way."  It was a very strong
emotional reaction, but it was clearly coming from back there and
then, not the present. We eventually worked this out after some clever
reframing.  May 2003 was our sixth year in business together.
> 
I had a pair of similar rules -- "You can do whatever you put your
mind to" and "I must always be self-sufficient."  

Rules like these are insidious in the resistance they create --
especially when it is a couple rules interacting.  You can find one
and transform it, and then the other one pops up.  As kids, we are
really in touch with these rules.  As adults, over time, they become
really second nature and, as you say Wayne, it takes awhile to figure
out why there is such a strong emotional reaction.  The
self-sufficient rule is insidious for me because it can keep me locked
inside my skull trying to figure out something that I can only think
through out loud.  (The joy of being an 'E').  

Amy

Amy Schwab
True North pgs, Inc.
project guidance strategies
http://www.projectcommunity.com


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