Re: Don't Be Nice, Be Real

On Wed, Jun 11, 2003 at 11:53:45AM -0500, Chris Morris wrote:
> If I don't feel any empathy, but then come to a place where I say to 
> myself, "Self, you're a selfish guy. How come you never have empathy for 
> others' situations?" ... what can I do to change so that in future 
> situations, the empathy could come more naturally?

Thanks for rephrasing. Helped me crystallize what I'm trying to ask. I think in order to feel empathy, I have to heard/listened to what was said in a certain way with a certain awareness. If I'm trying to empathize with what someones seems to be feeling - I need to be able to listen for that feeling.

That is not automatic for me. My current auto-behavior (conditioned response?) is that of a content-oriented listener. I pay more attention to what is being said and the details fo what is said than I do to how it is being said or the overall message.

How can I recondition myself to listen more for overall message and feeling, so that I am better able to empathize? Actually, I know of several ways to do this. But for me it has to be a conscious effort and I can't seem to bridge the gap to where it can become more automatic (to make the transition from conscious competence [when I happen to remember and don't get lost in the present moment] to one of unconscious competence)
-- 
Brad Appleton <[email protected]> www.bradapp.net
  Software CM Patterns (www.scmpatterns.com)
   Effective Teamwork, Practical Integration
"And miles to go before I sleep." -- Robert Frost

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