Re: Empathy / Acceptance
Brad Appleton <[email protected]>
| Newsgroups | gmane.culture.business.resistance-as-a-resource |
|---|---|
| Message-ID | <[email protected]> |
On Fri, Jun 13, 2003 at 09:28:31PM -0000, Amy Schwab wrote:
> I've been mulling over a conversation in this group about empathy.
> According to my Webster's Dictionary, empathy is the intellectual or
> emotional identification with another. While I know from my own
> experience that where I can empathize with another, it helps to make
> contact, it is one tool I consider using carefully and mindfully. I'm
> interested in other's thoughts on this.
A description of empathy I've hear in the context of dealing with resistance and influence is this:
Instead of putting others in their place,
put yourself in their place.
I got this from Sam Horn's book "Tongue Fu!" (I've seen/heard it other places as well). If the idea is to be better able to connect with them, then an empathetic response would show that you can understand what they are trying to say, as well as the feelings they seem to be conveying, and that you can relate to feeling that way.
Sometimes someone feels they have an extreme/exceptional case, And trying to tell them you "feel their pain" may feel offensive. In which case, unless you truly have had an _extremely_ similar experience (e.g., loss of a young child) then don't try to make them think you understand what they are feeling when you can't possibly. I think one can still empathize however by saying something like "Omigosh - I can't even beging to imagine how that must make you feel!" - I think that would be a use of empathy to convey understanding and acceptance (tho not necessarily agreement)
--
Brad Appleton <[email protected]> www.bradapp.net
Software CM Patterns (www.scmpatterns.com)
Effective Teamwork, Practical Integration
"And miles to go before I sleep." -- Robert Frost
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